Write hard about what hurts

“Write Hard about what hurts.” Apparently Hemingway said this – or perhaps he wrote it. In any case – on the one hand I find the sentiment a – get up off your ass and write – share the torment and demons as they will be heard. On the other hand, the man killed himself for Christ sake!

I feel trapped between what I have become and what I want to be. I hear songs I wish I wrote, see paintings that stir the dreams with in me. And yet – what I am putting on paper is not what I want to be.

I am hurt by my father. I am hurt by my friends. I am motivated to make change. I am eating the hate and swallowing it. I am full of doubt and I am hungry for comfort.

My body has betrayed me. Or I have it. I don’t know.
I doubt my decisions. I yearn for clarity – I hide from sight.

I want to make changes- in my home, in myself, in my world, in my life. I work towards the positive and feel the key beyond my reach.

Who do I aspire to become? Will it matter? Who will know me? Who will care – who cares now?

I nearly cried when I read this tonight. This piece is exactly how I found it, discovered in “lost files” from only 5 years ago.
My life has changed.
My hope has been restored.
There are many days that I do not even remember the darkness.
And many other days I fear it’s return.

Hmmm. Where life takes us . . .

Journal Comments

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