Learn how to cook Marco's Famous Sarcastic Spaghetti Sauce!!!

Learn how to cook Marco’s Famous Sarcastic Spaghetti Sauce!!!

Please remember this sauce is sarcastic, so don’t be insulted by any of it’s instructions; If by any chance you have thin skin or are easily insulted…..tough shit…get over it and start cooking!
Current mood: Don’t bother me I’m cooking!
First and foremost, I am not a professional of any kind!!! (Hard to believe as it may be)
If need be I can get plenty of references to prove it!
Second and foremost, you must follow the recipeee to the exact measurements. Don’t phuck up!!

Third and foremost I don’t use a resipeee so good luck with number 2. I cook by taste; if it tastes good I eat it, if it tastes bad…then someone else musta made it.

Remember keep tasting it!! Smelling it!! Whenever you stir it, taste it.
Always remember and never forget…..FRESH ingredients!!!! Fresh Damn IT!!
This is a basic starter sauce….and then when you have mastered the basics you can add other goodies…..meats & seafood’s, fruits and vegtibltatibles and such.

OK, to start, you need one large pot and a medium sized Teflon pan.. That’s right Teflon damn it, the non-sticky stuff that keeps stuff from sticking to the pan and getting burnt.

I’m gona figure you a gona start with a canned sauce….NOT PRE MADE CRAP!! Sorry….If you have homemade tomato sauce great, if not go to the store and buy some unseasoned tomato sauce, tomato pure, diced tomatoes and tomato paste. Open the cans (If you don’t know how get your pet Monkey to do it for you) and pour them into the large cooking pot. Put the heat on medium high until it starts to look like a trip to a volcano about to erupt! (It starts to boil ok) turn it down to low and let it simmer…remember to stir every 15 to 20 minutes so it doesn’t stick to the bottom of the pan and burn. Burnt sauce sucks, OK!

Other important and useful ingredients….
You will need a couple (2 or 3) of large onions……preferably red; GARLIC cloves (not freaking garlic powder or garlic salt). dice the onions and garlic and install them into the Teflon frying pan with Extra Virgin Olive Oil…Listen to me….Extra Virgin Olive Oil… not just olive oil, not light olive oil…..I don’t want any Slutty ass olive oils mixed in with my unadulterated sauce!…..There is no freaking cholesterol….and I don’t want to hear about the calories and fat….go for a phucking (thank you Susie I love that word) walk after dinner you lazy ass! Yes of coarse it looks like a lot of onions, put them on medium to high heat and keep stirring them until they caramelize..(They shrink Okay dumbass)
Depending on the size of your hand please also precisely install the following…..Oregano, Parsley, Basil, Freshly ground Black Pepper, some Tabasco Sauce (Don’t be a pussy put it in) Tarragon…(I know it sounds French…just put it in). Brown Sugar about a teaspoon….. No not white sugar….do they taste the same? NO…but if you don’t have brown sugar you can use white.
CHEESE…You have to put the cheese in now while your sauce is cooking and again latter when it’s on your table with the pasta….Put a handful of Mozzarella cheese…then FRESHLY Grate some Parmesan Cheese a little Provolone won’t hurt. ( DO NOT PUT THAT FAKE PARMESEAN SHIT IN THE SAUCE OR ON YOUR PASTA) If you do I’m gonna send someone over to your house to kicka you ass. The best Parmesan Cheese is from Italy and it costs about $16.00 a pound.
Wine….No not whine you sissy Wine…Dry Red Wine from where…..That’s right Italy… Chianti, Valpulacela, Montpulciano Da Abruzo ETC…(Hey I can’t spell, I’m a dumb Dego!..I never won a spelling beee, Forgetaboutit)!
If I hear that one of you put French wine in your sauce, I’ma gona coma over to you a house and Kicka you a ASS!!!
Now for the good news this process will only take six to eight hours to get your sarcastic sauce bity enough to pour on your pasta of choice and insult your guests.
Hold on Dumb Ass; aren’t you going to serve your sauce on something? Maybe put it on some pasta, pizza dough…a piece of phucking Italian Bread!
OK, get a large pot for to cook your pasta. Fill your pot with water and sprinkle some salt in the water with some Extra Virgin Olive Oil…..Hey, don’t make me explain the Extra Virgin Olive Oil again….. Stupido asino…go look it up stupid ass. Follow the directions on the box, you want to cook the pasta the way AL Adente cooked his pasta, In between hard and soft…..this is before male enhancing drugs…Poor Al …. OK to continue: Do not run cold water over your pasta, what are you trying to do dilute the sauce when you put it on the pasta….cool the pasta down….what, are you stupid! Just drain it baby, put it in a nice big bowl and pour Marco’s Famous Sarcastic Spaghetti Sauce on top and don’t forgetabout da cheese.
Other ingredients that can be added to your sauce, Chuck Roast, Calamari, Tuna Fish…But I’m not telling you how yet..you gotta conquer the sarcastic sauce first.
Buona fortuna ed arrivederci bambino! This is Marco F. Meyo’s recipe, go for it!

Learn how to cook Marco's Famous Sarcastic Spaghetti Sauce!!!

MarcoMeyo18

Joined September 2008

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