Beware electro Magnetic waves are coming

I love my inside shifts…. the calls I get just make my day.
Lets call our subject Nutjob.
Nutjob “yes hello I wanted to phone and make a report about me being a victim.”
Me “what are u a victim of exactly?”
Nutjob "someone is firing ultra high intecity radio waves at me in my house. "
Me “And how do you know this?”
Nutjob " Because I can feel the concentrated laser beams."
Me " And they hit you?"
Nutjob " Well they don’t hit me they deflect off my head, I think the deaf society is behind it?"
Me " Why do you think that?"
Nutjob " I just believe they would know how to use it.. they are powerful beams and being misused by crims."
Me " How do you know what these beams are?"
Nutjob “the are radio waved becasue if I earth my feet on the ground they stop.”
Me " Do you often have ur feet off the ground?"

I work in Crazy town

Me “can I help you”
Crazy "yes I bought a bell off ebay, and it wasn’t the bell I wanted, so I got another bell and it got stolen, an now on ebay there’s a bell that has the same handle but its a different bell.
Me " so its a different bell?"
Crazy “no its the same bell handle but different bell”
Me " could it be a totally different bell?"
Crazy “the bell is different but the handle looks the same”
Me “so it is possible that its not even the handle from the bell that got stolen.”
Crazy “thats possible but I think its my handle off my bell, I think there is a large bell scam going on.”
Me " A bell scam? how many people want bells."
Crazy "they are valuable and there is a big demand for them
Me " I’ve never heard of a huge demand, do they have bell shops."
Crazy " no you go to auctions"
Me "look i’ll h…

My Mum pt 5

The cancer this time around was ferocious and every day I saw my mum grow weaker and weaker. Our family had decided that mum was never going to return to a hospital and we discovered palliative care. What an organization these people are. It was these people that allowed us to care for mum at her own house. So not only was dad now a fully qualified chef and house maid he was now becoming qualified as a nurse! Thankfully he never wore a nurse’s dress! At the end of February mum was now confined to her bedroom only. Mum had accepted that her time with us here was coming to an end and made the call for my brother to come down from Queensland.…

My sister, Megan and I spent the next couple of days at mum and dads house waiting for Craig to arrive from qld. Mum was now unable to talk much and we

my Mum pt 4

Mums’ house was now filled with ever burning incense; she was attempting the prescribed amount of meditation and was also trialing a new self-help drug…1 bottle of stout per day! Still quite weak from the operation day to day chores still weren’t easy but my dad had taken quite well to the operation of the vacuum.…

I remember when I was working at a tenpin bowling alley I managed to get my hands on some john Denver tickets included in a bus trip deal. Mums all-time love was john Denver if he had a song out she knew it word for word. Mum was telling me on her trip she saw a lady she knew that had breast cancer and the lady was crying and mum was really feeling for this lady not being aware that she too would be experiencing this sadness herself in a few years. She spoke of this trip for yea

My Mum pt 3

Mums’ surgery turned out that the more they looked inside her the more they found. So something that started as an ulcer, and then became throat cancer now had spread quite further than they believed. During surgery they removed a large part of the esophagus and therefore had to bring the stomach up towards the breast area for the new shortened esophagus to reach the stomach. Quite fascinating they can do this. Such radical surgery meant mum would have difficulty eating. I’ve learnt never to trust a doctor when he says “only.” Only forgets to mention all of it relatives that gate crash the party.…

It was after this I became interested in getting my mum interested in what some of us call “tree hugging hippie shit” and to my surprise mum was actually interested in learning about the formally

My Mum pt 2

Surgery. That was going to be mums’ mythical token of cure. We all held this token and it provided us all with comfort to deal with everyday life. As best we could.…

I was working at an rsl club at the time. Making coffee and tea for avid bingo goers, cranky lawn bowl members and addicted gamblers. To these people the froth on their cappuccino was a major issue of their life. It was as if the temperature on that cuppa tea meant the difference between life and death. This dilemma over their beverages would lead me to snapping point I lasted there for a few more months. To me these issues weren’t problems not in comparison to what my mum was facing. I made my last cappuccino informing the poor lady that ordered it that it wasn’t a “fucking problem that the cappuccino didn’t have a good froth

My Mum pt 1

I remember the phone call like it was yesterday as I do with so many neighbouring occurances which would follow in the years to come.
“mum what’s up?”
She wanted me to come over home.
Time for family was always hard to find or should I say everything else seemed to come in front of them too easily. Until this day.
Mum said she had something to tell me and I gave the no time excuse and decided to receive the latest news over the phone.
“I’ve got cancer”
I didn’t hear the “ I’ve” or the “ got ” just cancer like it flew through the phone and knocked me on my arse.
Suddenly home was the only place I wanted to be and I had to get there now.…

Funny how emotion can have such a physical effect I couldn’t walk to the door I just looked at my house mates and said two words “mum” and “cancer”. And then I dr


I remember the day you fell in love with me. I was showing off telling you how to ride up a hill on the bike properly (i fell of in spectacular style)
I remember the day I opened my eyes and you were lying in my arms, the image of you sleeping was divine.
I remember playing dress ups with you, we were everything from daisies to pirates.
I remember you holding my hand every minute of the way during my mums struggle
I remember waiting for you at the tram stop every day with the dogs dressed up in scarves
I remember how we made each other laugh
I remember your smile, your eyes, your laugh and your cockiness!
I remember how much I love you
I remember losing you
But most importantly I will remember you forever
And I remember to be forever thankful to have met you

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