My Dream Last Night

I had an awful dream last night.

I was in the kitchen of my house and my mom and little sister was there. My mom was talking to my little sister, laughing and gossiping as they always do together, and then my mother turned to me and asked “what’s for dinner”.

I hate when she asks me this.

Because I feel like some type of servant. Like I’m here only to cook for her. There would be many times she’d come home from doing whatever she does, and before she says hello to me she would ask what’s for dinner. And if I didn’t have an answer she would get all pissy.

That question just grates through me.

So I answered irritably that it would be chicken. Because that was all that was left in the freezer, and vegetables. I could feel my heart beating quickly in embarrassment. Sometimes she doesn’t have to say a lot to make me feel unimportant.

Then my little sister took out her flute. She started playing this incredibly sorrowful slow song. My mother praised her on how lovely she played. And my sister looked at me and responded that this song was made for me. She continued to play and I could feel the sadness resonate in my bones. I didn’t know what to say.

My mother then want on to speak up how wonderful my little sister was and how lovely she played in comparison to me. She asked how come I couldn’t be this good at anything.

I left the kitchen and walked to the bathroom. I needed a moment to compose myself because I could feel myself about to break down. My mom on the other hand, just walked into the bathroom where I was, bent over the sink and said plainly that I would never amount to anything. She said I wasn’t good enough.

And that’s how it ended. I forced the dream to stop I couldn’t take it anymore.

I woke up crying.

Never before in my life had I ever woke up crying. I’ve never had a dream that hurt me that much. Even my nightmares didn’t affect me like this.

I could hear my mom’s voice in the other room, yelling about something. I couldn’t go back to sleep if I tried.

So…I feel like crap. Sad and tired. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I hope I don’t have a dream like that again tonight.

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