No Real Title Here

Honestly, I think I’m losing my mind. I’ve been thinking about just getting up and leaving and never coming back. I’m not one for travel {I mean I’d love to travel but not UNSCHEDULED travel}, disorder freaks me out. But more and more I’ve found myself just getting up from wherever it was I was sitting and walking to the closed door, holding the door knob and, on tiptoe, watching the people outside with a desperation that is honestly not like me. It’s freaking me out. I’ve found myself talking about different places just going there and staying there and really just never coming back. And…you know I always talk to myself {no exaggeration, I really do} but nowadays all I talk about is leaving. I have no damn idea what I’m talking about. And now I’m reading this book. This freaking book about this woman who had a meltdown and left to travel and find herself {and consequently her sanity and happiness} and my heart is seriously longing.

So…I have no idea what to do. Except I guess to stop reading, which will never happen. I love books. {Oh yeah if you have any good book suggestions pass ‘em here…honestly I’m running out of ideas and looking at the Oprah’s book club list just kills me a little inside…I mean nothing wrong with Oprah you know? But I just feel like I’d be reading because she suggested rather than because it may just be a good book to read and… ok off of this topic}

Oh you want to know something strange that happened to me just yesterday? Ok so I’ve been reading a lot of books about how my mind is really just transmitting negativity into the universe {I have an incredibly pessimistic mindset} and so I’ve been really trying to see the silver lining in every dark cloud and visualize happy things, I really have. And so I was reading this book that spoke about getting the things that you want first by visualizing them. But I decided to start off with something small.

So I visualized finding two quarters one with the year 1978 and the other 1979 right? So I started looking at the quarters I got closely to see if the universe had attracted those quarters to me. But me and my incredible way of losing interest {or simply forgetting} happened to lose interest/forget that whole quarter deal. However yesterday my sister picked up a quarter while we were walking and I just happened to ask her what year it was and she responded 1978 and I had to pause for minute. And I asked her to make sure you know because she can be a dirty liar sometimes but it really was. We were going to a store to get something quick to eat and while up there when I got my change back I looked in my hand and there was the 1979 quarter and I was just like…well that’s weird. I found them in order and all, just like I pictured. I mean I’m sure it could happen to anyone right?

Of course but it’s just the fact that it even happened that had me really quiet for a while…well quieter than usual. I wasn’t even eating my food. I was too busy just thinking about it. And I don’t know. I felt a strange relief.

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