Personal History

On the point I pondered life and my purpose
Long ago when I was a wannabe free spirit
I thought to throw away faith and guilt
And spread flowers and love as if
It were free for the sake of give and take
And other speak about which I knew nothing
It was a delayed reaction to a bad marriage
And never being and doing enough no matter
How hard I tried and lied to save face and earn
The grace I was not worthy of
(Now I realize I just dangled a preposition
But let me go on and explain my position)
You see I was selfish to the nth degree
Never really considered anyone but me
Except for a boyfriend who was brilliant I thought
So I became the woman he thought I ought
To be and lost myself in the process

Then I met and married my true love who let me be
And I wanted to be better for us. He said I might
Consider going back to church where he thought I could
Belong since the conviction was still there despite my
Protests to the contrary. I had to bury any faith
To live with the wraith I had become; a ghost or
Shadow of my former self who had determined to
Assuage my guilt and built a new me who claimed autonomy;
The best thing since white bread. Well then I read and read
And prayed and knew that the who I was before was the true
Who I knew..and he did too.
Well I went back, reclaimed my faith and sometimes up
And others down, I wasn’t all I’d hoped to be but strove
To be better and slowly unfettered from the former me
Now presently, my faith is strong and I acknowledge when I’m wrong
My Heavenly Father waits for me and Jesus is my Lord and friend
And I may talk about the end. A lot. I still have a road to tread with
Challenges and sometimes dread though deep inside I know
God and John go with me no matter the mark I toe

June302016lindaMcCarthy

Personal History

LindaPerryMcC

Placerville, United States

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