Time to wait and time to wait a little bit more...

After a hell of Valentine’s Day, once again, I had enough of self-pity!

So on today’s post I decided to make a counting and balance of my love Karma!

I don’t believe in Karma, but to be honest I can’t find a better word! So let’s get math out of disastrous love stories!

I was never the prettiest girl around and I never really cared about. Accept when the guy I liked, liked someone else 10.000 times more beautiful. The “On Duty” top model of the class, work and any other social event!

I remember my first love was a guy that played in a band on which my uncle also played. I spent almost 2 years crazy about him. I was 13 years old then. A friend came along. She said she could help and at the end they were flirting. Stupid 13 year-old me thought that was her way of accomplishing the task. Until one day, my aunt saw the situation and without knowing how I felt dropped the bomb, “There’s something going on there!” – Truth being that something was actually happening and my first love became also my first heartbreak!

For obvious reasons I won’t mention real names in this post. And details might not reflect the truth of events occurred! All for my own sake, because I can’t stand putting others before me anymore and succumb to self-humiliation!

The second love became my best friend. Nothing ever happened because as I was falling for him he fell for the hottest blond in school. He got hurt, I got tired and over. The hottest blond had hotter guys after her.

The third love… And this one I can’t complain about. I finally was being loved back! My first boyfriend! I was 16 years old; we met under the most random circumstances, in a country different from mine homeland and different from his as well. We were together for the total of 4 years and the break up was my entire freaking stupid fault. But thinking back and watching what my life would be like I can say I wasn’t ready for him! The thought of leaving everything I knew and loved behind and trusting only in him showed me that would not work out. Or would it?! Well, the fact is that I hurt the first guy that truly deeply loved me. It’s done and gone, time to move on.

And then, teenage hood was gone and there was time for adult love. Nonetheless, the mistakes one makes are still childish! So I fell in love with a co-worker that had unfinished business with his Ex, that was actually THE ORIGINAL and NOT THE EX! “Patati patatá” and I got hurt and trapped. I got trapped because I didn’t know the whole story. What I knew came from him and the corridors were telling me something else. No one knew about us and before I would become the bitch I stepped out. They are happily married now and I wish I train would hit him! But I wish it would hit me first so I wouldn’t have had the opportunity of playing the fool or the bitch again!

Thank God a train didn’t hit either of us; so I could move on to the next disappointment and he could be happily ever-after! (Or not! I don’t give a crap about it!). Not good enough I fell in love with another co-worker, but this time in a new job! This was more “clean”. I told him I liked him (after months loving pathetically in silence) and he finished with my misery saying that he didn’t feel the same even though he appreciated me very much! That’s a way of saying no without cruelty but something worse: PITY!

“Just breathe!” – Move on!

I left the country. Lonely in a foreign land I found comfort in the words of someone and once again I was tripping and falling. But this time I had no friends or family around to help out and I had to find out by myself how to get over and suck up without stopping my life and preaching about the apocalypse to my own future! No time for self-pity. He’s now with someone else. Words not always come with true feelings behind it to build the foundation of real love. With this last one I learned that one of the things I believed with all my heart was just a fairy-tale and the reality check I got won’t let me forget this one: Words are just words if they come before any action!

There are other guys that liked me and I was too busy wasting my time with the above described “Princes Charming”.

But after all I guess that’s life, right?! We are always hoping for the best to come.

Time to wait and time to wait a little bit more...

Leticia Machado

Miami Lakes, United States

desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait
desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait

10% off

for joining the Redbubble mailing list

Receive exclusive deals and awesome artist news and content right to your inbox. Free for your convenience.