Just saying.

Corn is good. Bread is good. Corn bread is a crime.

Is it just me or are dogs really smelly? We got used to saying something ‘smells worse than a dog’. Cats simply don’t have that crummy rep.

Can a guy die from eating a small chunk of completely cooked potato that was forgotten on the kitchen counter from a trip to Boston Market 24 hours ago? (Don’t assume I did it unless the answer is ‘no’ in which case I did it but didn’t touch the corn bread, sliced turkey or sweet corn kernels).

Why is it that the same people who despise political fascism can’t see they are religious fascists?

Does anybody other than me simply throw away a plastic container when something’s in it that you’re afraid of smell or see?

I don’t mind walking thru miles of parking lot to respect handicap parking spaces. I DO mind the need to drive past 30 compact cars using the regular parking spaces but leaving the “compact cars only” spaces open when I’m driving a full-sized commercial van. How can they complain about ME? One day, I’ll type up a satirical complaint and put it on all the windshield wipers of baby cars in the ADULT cars parking spaces.

What’s the big deal about stopping when you’re walking? It’s not raining, snowing, or dropping French bread-sized manna. But seeing a clueless person walking TOWARDS the butt end of a car with the engine running and the back-up lights lit happens every day. Sometimes the human will even try to walk around the car as it’s backing up, as if walking automatically means the driver sees you and will simply stop before ruining your day. Worst of all are the parents either pulling their kids towards or pushing their carriages at a car that’s obviously backing out of a parking space. I’d volunteer to be Walking Policeman For A Day. I’ll greet someone leaving a store while wearing a very nice bright yellow raincoat or bright orange vest and carrying a “STOP!” sign. I’d stand in the way of morons, blow a whistle, and raise the sign while the car backs out without making brand new pulp speed bumps. Then again, that won’t work because morons come from any directions so one is BOUND to try to walk around a car’s arse end from the front too.

Watch blinking red traffic signal lights for all directions at a big intersection of streets with multiple turning lanes and multiple “thru traffic” lanes. You get to the limit line and just as you start across the intersection, a car from nowhere is suddenly beside you and “rides your stop” with you into the intersection. I’ve heard what people have said when I’ve asked why they do that: “Once traffic is going in one direction, it’s the turn for EVERYBODY going that direction”. Uh… Let me think. NO. Red light = STOP your vehicle first. What part of that is confusing? BIGFUN is watching the first car going thru the intersection legally, the second one illegally riding that one’s stop, another illegally riding THAT one’s stop, etc. It goes on until someone gets pissed from a cross direction and slams on the horn while driving in front of the cross traffic.

Yet once again, pedestrians make their appearance in a similar manner. A car stops at a stop sign and a freaking endless PARADE of people come from both sides completely ignoring the stopped car. Even when there’s a stop light telling the walkers to STOP they step off the curb to cross against it, often right at the side of the moving vehicle. I’ve been known to stop right in front of them & hope they do a facial off the side of my huge van. What are they gonna say? “Uh, you can’t stop in front of a pedestrian!” “You hit me intentionally!” What? The bloody nose-print on the side of the van will prove “the van jumped sideways into the walker’s face”, right?

My latest musical instrument is a VERY high-tech keyboard that comes with a thick “User Guide”. I was almost hoping I’d have to ignore 80% of it that was translated into 12 other languages. I HATE that. But what I hate worse is NO instruction manual. The Guide touches on what all the buttons are and warns you not to hope to save what you just spent 6 hours composing and 8 more recording it. The is has this phrase written in 15 different ways: “Please refer to page 433 of the ‘Parameter Guide’”. Huh??? You mean this 241 page book doesn’t guide me into how to use the instrument? OK, fine. I search the keyboard’s website for how to get the missing guide and read it isn’t shipped with the keyboard. WHAT? In fact, using the search tool INSIDE the website comes up with “No results for the item requested”. You’ve GOT to be kidding. Hundreds of eye-bleeding webpages later, I come up empty. Enter Google. Search it worldwide for the Korg M3 Parameter Guide. It pops up mostly in reference sections of articles about the instrument but a few pages later it directs me back into the Korg website. I am not amused. When I find it I’m suddenly much less than not amused. It’s a download only file that isn’t under the downloads section for the instrument. OK, fine. I’m “borrowing” someone’s unlocked WiFi connection that’s usual very, very fast. 10 minutes of truly fast download speed later and I have most of 700 pages of How To’s in a PDF file. Compile these two documents, tossing in a supplement that was created too late to go into the User Guide and top it all off with another 20 pages of how to interface with a computer and you suddenly see why Korg doesn’t want you to know this horror story. A ream of paper is 500 sheets and almost 2 inches thick. To read these instructions one would have to print over two reams of paper, 4 inches thick and over 5 pounds of dead tree. Cut that in half to print on both sides and you can’t read the charts and graphics unless you have a light that doesn’t show the detail of the backside of the paper right thru the frontside. I guess you can kill a few more trees and buy thicker paper. But either way, you’ll use so much ink you’ll create a e-waste footprint almost as large as the environmental “bill” for the paper. All this for an instrument that hasn’t a single byte of memory for the song you just created which will disappear if you turn off the keyboard, Well, unless you buy a flash drive you didn’t know you needed: it’s not specified as required equipment in the manual/user/parameter guides. No biggie, you’ve already bought flash drives! Plug one in and weep. The guide may not say the drives are necessary but it DOES say that you have to restart the keyboard for it to recognize them. And you can’t turn the keyboard off without losing what you needed the drive for anyway.

I’m not mad. I’m not depressed. I’m not even annoyed as I compose this rant. I don’t sound that way, do I? Just saying.


Afterthoughts

I honestly LOVE my Korg M3 Workstation no matter how long it take to read twice as much material than in the “PC For Dummies” book. The M3 isn’t a PC. It just rhymes with it. The extremely kind and generous Uncle Leonard (Yeah, I was…) who gave it to me and reintroduced me to recording my music will be my hero for life. Love you!

Deep down in my cold, hard curmudgeon’s heart, I’d never want to wash the blood from another human off the side of my van. I’d let it stay there to warn the next brilliant human.

Similarly, I think more of humanity than “pulp speed bumps”. Trust me. Just PLEASE don’t walk behind my backing van. You can also include driving up behind it. In fact, pretend the back of my van is lethal. Strangely enough, so are the backs of all backing vehicles.

I suppose The People first made cornbread in their space I occupy now. Odds are they loved it. It’s only a crime these days because we have cans and plastic containers, making it possible to keep it edible for eons. Bachelors Without Butlers recommends the conscientious usage of most storage products. Of course, they also endorse the consumption of Manwich because it contains 20% of all the vegetable a guy’s gotta cram down in 24 hours. The other 80% can be added using beer but only on Football Sundays.

The Queen’s English is bunk. We divorced England while we were taking over India. Everybody who reads American history in school knows that. Slang is cool. I only use it when I’m writing or talking, tho.

Just saying.

Lenny La Rue, IPA

Sacramento, United States

  • Artist
    Notes
  • Artwork Comments 15

Artist's Description

“Just saying” is my homage to that latest piece of noisome fluff infecting the Queen’s English. It’s like “…and he’s all like, ‘wow, I didn’t know’, dude.” That qualifies as an infection, right? People believe they can now say anything about anything and add “Just saying” to it, making it non- offensive/irksome/aggressive/insensitive/etc.

Artwork Comments

  • Karirose
  • Karirose
  • Lenny La Rue, IPA
  • Carla Wick/Jandelle Petters
  • Lenny La Rue, IPA
  • Carla Wick/Jandelle Petters
  • Lenny La Rue, IPA
  • Karirose
  • Carla Wick/Jandelle Petters
  • Lenny La Rue, IPA
  • Carla Wick/Jandelle Petters
  • Lenny La Rue, IPA
  • crackedpot
  • Lenny La Rue, IPA
  • E.R. Bazor
desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait
desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait

10% off

for joining the Redbubble mailing list

Receive exclusive deals and awesome artist news and content right to your inbox. Free for your convenience.