the illusion of control

sitting. not wanting to deviate from my made-up course of reality, but someones pulling me away for the day. and the resistance just makes me do strange things like check for the thrird time in the last 4 seconds that yes, my coffee is no longer in the bottom of my cup…it is, infact, in the bottom of my stomach. My, how my body shivers and shakes with a shot of fear, as my resistant mind rapidly concocts a new meaningful distraction to get immersed in before my whole being disintegrates in a shaken frenzy of resistant-based fear. Oh, no, here we go, next task: scrub the coffee cup – a couple of times for good measure, with plenty of bubbles and wait for the hot water (an extra 8 seconds is sweet relief to the mind on the run). Ooooh, ok next – oh yeah, i have to floss my teeth, listerine them (god that sounds very American, no offense Americans, but I think it happens when we use a brand as a thing, like listerine. oh, sidetracking sidetracking, back to the crux…) Check to see if my cars going to start…who know’s…it just might not!
control! release. ‘Just remember to look left and right and then left again and let the rest flow’ the doc whispered in my ear (i think it was the left…what does that mean?)as i left the Emergency Resistance ward, level 1108, Bourke street, you know the red one with all the white coated people in it and $12 parks for 20 minutes with the shark team of parking inspectors below. Next door they have the Anxiety Remission Rooms, full of floating balloons, hues of pastel blues, and AIR albums played on random shuffle repeat. Anyway, i’ll tell you about that another day. Back to 1108…to be continued

the illusion of control

LAZZZZA LARSZ

Balaclava, Australia

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