Walking In the Street

I wasn’t always like this. In fact, the free spirit that I now have is something I’ve obtained recently. I often wish that I had been born with it, but I suppose the fact that I had to strive to achieve this state of mind only helps me embrace it more. It used to be that a nod for a response would suffice. I would ask no questions and do as I was told. The people that surrounded me acted as anchors, using their words to keep me in place. I learned to find comfort in the company of these people.

However, everyone grows up and everyone begins to wonder… “What’s the point to all of this?” If a person is simply going through the motions of life there probably isn’t one. Most people have a moment where this thought briefly passes them by, but some end up pondering it for years. In the end the only thing that matters is how you look at the world around you. Everything seems to fall into its logical place once this realization is made. The separation begins. There are people who find out what needs to change but wait for the world to move underneath their feet. However, there are also many who decide to act upon their self discovery and find out what or who is standing in their way.

The hardest part of this struggle is learning to love and respect yourself. Many people will tell you that they love you and it’s not as if they don’t, but nobody will be able to understand your needs the way that you can. It’s easy to fall into a routine, doing what other people tell you they believe is best for you. The best example of this is parenting. It’s normal for a concerned parent to yell out to their child and grab him or her as they attempt to walk out into the street. There are dangers on the road just like there are in the real world. I suppose the hardest part of raising a child would be realizing that they have grown old enough to make these decisions on their own. The parent may advise their child not to cross the street but the child knows to look both ways and listen for cars if he or she decides to cross. As hard as this is for the parents it’s just as difficult for the child. If you love someone, you don’t want to disappoint them by possibly making a mistake.

The biggest obstacle is learning to listen to what your loved one has to say and still making a decision on your own. When I realized how monotonous my life had become, I grew angry at those around me. I felt that they had suppressed me into this routine. I went to church to please my mother; I dressed in baggy clothing to avoid upsetting my boyfriend. I never even learned to drive my car further than a few miles so that I wouldn’t worry my parents. I’m not suggesting that I desire to worship Satan while driving to Mexico in a scandalous outfit, but what I do or wear should be something I decide. I wanted to know I had freedom.

Tons of ideas, concepts and thoughts ran in and out of my mind, but there was one that made a lasting impression. I could change this. I didn’t have to be this cookie cutter human being that I’d become; I could do what I thought was best for myself. I could walk in the street.

Journal Comments

  • TSykes
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