All my life I have pondered the question “why.” God has chosen people and their destinies, but why did I get this one? All my throughout my life the course of my destiny will change. That is inevitable. With the destiny I was given I can’t really say I was blessed, but I can say I am happy. The definition of happy can and will be characterized by the complex indication of pleasure, contentment, or joy. That’s right, pure pleasure, pure joy, and pure contentment. When things go amiss happiness is usually far off, nowhere to be seen. To some they have found that to be the truth, but to others, the real they have found it to be false. Happiness is what you make of it, not what it makes of you.
However though that such a simple emotion, such a marvelous feeling could bring hatred into one’s life. Happy is what I am, what I have always been. Something I have grown to dislike, maybe even loath. Whether I have gotten to that point yet is undiscovered, and never will be discovered at the rate I’m living.
Normal is what I am not. I don’t conform to the standard or the common type, the usual, the regular. I stray far from it, or so I say. You can read millions of About Me’s and see that ever one claims to not conform. Bullshit. Conformists are everywhere. I don’t dare say I am original, but I do know I am unique. Pretty much A wasteful combination of things that have already been done. I thrive for more, much more. I want the stinging sensation behind my eyes when I am about to cry because something went right, not wrong. Not the common smile I show willingly. Not that the smile isn’t real, it’s merely unwanted, by me.
For me, a girl who has her mind set on what she wants and craves, I need someone to back it up. Someone to make sense of my chaos and cold hearted virtue. I have set myself up for all the common situations girls my age go through, all the lying boyfriends, catty girls, and vicious rumors. I have accomplished such a thing in a mere sixteen years. But my greatest accomplishment was stealing her boyfriend.
I didn’t really steal anything in all truth, but she likes to think I did.
I hate smiles, I hate peace, I hate laughter, I hate children, and I hate happiness.

I was born to Rebecca and James Palmer when they were merely 15. Hardship is a part of every human’s life. However, the amount varies. It lies in the hands of destiny once agian. Weather your designated destiny has led you to wonder if you believe in dreams, or favorably twisted reality. Sadly, the alternative isn’t so sweet. A person’s destiny could make them wonder why. Either way hardship will be a factor in this morbidly askant life. My parent’s hardship was me, the pregnancy, birth, my upbringing. Through it all they stayed together and stayed strong, stronger than most would. They finished high school, paid bills, raised a child, and succeeded until they got their college degree. I was with them the whole time, smiling. This makes them sorry. Thus, my name, Sarie, it is as close to sorry as you can get. Plain and simple, final, yet to the point. Every time they call my name it as if they are apologizing. One thing I wish is that they would stop being sorry; I am always happy and have always been. Happy.
Fourteen years ago, I was born with a deficiency. Don’t worry it’s a happy one. The hormones in my body do not produce the hormones that would cause me to feel anything other than happiness. I can think unhappy thoughts, and I know what causes my anger, but I cannot express it. Being a teenager who cannot express emotions is horrid! I hate many things and love the morbid unloved things in hope that one day my broken mind will be able to break free from happiness.
I am not an only child. I have a little sister. Eleven months ago, my parents announced their second pregnancy to me. Sadly, the gestation period was only seven months and my baby sister was born premature. When my parents found that out they changed her name from Jennifer to Logan, meaning small one. Unfortunately, she was going to be dwarfed for the remainder of her life, which is expected to be full. Not only is she extremely small, but she also has the same hormonal imbalance as me. Hers however is in a different sense; she is always upset and cries twenty-four-seven.
For a year, my family has been battling with the government for the permission for Logan and me to take hormone-balancing steroids so we can live normal lives. Just last week we won the fight, and got the okay. Today when my mother is on her way home, from work, she is picking them up and we take them every morning. They are not very big, but pack a lot of power. If we take more than one, something could go seriously wrong. I have never been so excited in my life. I am going to be “normal”.
. . . . .

“Can you please just be quite? Or is that too hard? I don’t think I like this new you very much. You are never happy, and on top of that, you are snobby and cold-shouldered to everyone! What is the matter with you?” My best friend Kara was yelling at me. Kara and I are to completely different people. She has long blonde hair that always flowing down in flawless waves. In the midst of all this is her perfect face. Kara was blessed with a golden skin color, and bright, aqua eyes. When she stood next to me I had to look up because her long legs had her height coming in at a gorgeous 5’9”. I was nothing like her. I had dark frizzy brown hair, pale skin and was 5’1”. But despite the differences we have always been best friends and always will be…
I had been taking my pills for two months and no one seemed to like my change. However, I felt great. Having a million emotions that you can express is the greatest thing I have ever been given. Other people do not like it one bit, in fact they hate me now, but I love myself.
“I’m sorry that I am exploring what God gave me to explore.” I hollered back.
“God didn’t give it to you, steroids did! You are a horribly mean person now, Sarie. All those pent up emotions were released to quickly!”
“I don’t have to deal with you Kara. I will talk to you later. Well, maybe.” I turned my shoulder and walked away from my once best friend. She was being extremely unreasonable about this whole ordeal. I need time to learn how to act. Being snapped into reality with such great force is hard. For once in my life, I am not just happy. Things are better, normal.
My house is calmer, along with my sister. She is doing better than I am. Logan accepts the hormones very peacefully, I am a different story. Apparently I have transformed into a monster. Pain is not something I was wishing to cause, but seem to unintentionally be doing it on a daily basis. Anger, and pain are things everyone feels all there life, but they are new to me.



Joined October 2008

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Artist's Description

I wrote this one very quickly for class one day.

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