mister khan- losing friends....

why redbubble is shit…

1. because the homepage looks like the business section from a newspaper

2. becasue the logo looks like it was nicked from the business section of a newspaper.

3. because, unlike the business section of a newspaper there is nothing on the homepage that is relevant to anything from real life.

4. becasue red and grey combined have all the eye-catching jauntiness of a bludgeoned mackral…

5….and all of the ‘cool’ of a left-wing politician with his shirt sleeves rolled up playing basketball like a spastic with a bunch of crack-smoking inner-city ‘kids’.

(the use of red being derigeur, as on page 4 of ‘every fucking ’unimaginative ideas from 1958’ self-help manual, it says ‘the colour red attracts attention. danger! stop! the colour red is associated with blood, and catches the attention before any of the the colours, as it triggers a insticntual reaction long embedded in the genetic memory. if you want your business to be successful, then be sure to include red in its’ motif….etc etc.’

5.5 grey, i can only assume is included to make the over-45’s feel at home.

6. there is absolutely nothing to attract anyone under the age of 45 on the home page

6. i start to get fat and bald and have conservative views after using redbubble for 12 months. it wouldn’t be so surprisng if it wasn’t for the fact i’m a woman.

6. i’m not even going to start saying anything about ‘living christianity’ (see ‘letter to pilgrim’)

7. redbubble is clearly missing a lucrative opportunity for the widespread advertising of ‘viagra’, not to mention ‘avon cosmetices’ and ‘stena stairglide’. revenue of which could be used to make everything less grey and red- (i can only assume they are using monochrome monitors in head office and can’t afford to upgrade)

8. they gave danny a brown bubble next to his name, but they didn’t give me an enormous purple headed warrior.

9. not one of the attractive girls i write salubrious letters to, email me photographs of themselves in their underwear hugging soft toys. surely that’s what the internet is all about. isn’t it?

10. redbubble is responsible for inspring 10,000’s of middle aged people to waste 100,000’s of hours producing 1,000,000’s of examples of absolutely tastelss, worthless nonsense, that’s done little or nothing to further the cause of humaity, and done much to cast the ilusion upn the heads of many that they are ‘artists’, when in fact they are ‘accountants’ and should be doing something more useful, like reading the business pages of a newspaper.

11. this will never make it to ‘featured writing’

have i missed anything?

Journal Comments

  • Daniel Rayfield
  • mister  khan
  • deliriousgirl
  • mister  khan
  • Kathleen Cameron
  • mister  khan
  • Anne van Alkemade
  • mister  khan
  • Juilee  Pryor
  • transmute
  • mister  khan
  • Kathleen Cameron
  • Cathie Tranent
  • Lisa  Jewell