The Bubble Lady

The lady next door is at it again. Out in the pouring rain “cleaning up” her garden.

She’s a Bubble Lady, she tells us. Can’t leave the house or come into contact with pesticides or any sort of chemicals. A few months ago she came to our door to ask if either of us had sprayed perfume on that morning. We confirmed that yes, we had sprayed both deodourant AND perfume. She stormed off muttering and grumbling, then lit up a cigarette and started sweeping the rocks on her driveway. I hope they don’t put perfume into cigarettes, or she’s going to be buggered.

She likes to sweep. She likes to sweep a LOT. Her favorite time for a bit of energetic gravel sweeping is usually around 5:30am. Then she sprays water on her roof to make sure that it’s not dirty. She does this all in a bikini – I shyt you not.
Have you ever seen Fraggle Rock? You know those ogre things that live near the Fraggles? Well she looks kinda like the queen ogre.

Her kids are emos. I don’t know how many of them they are. Black eyeliner, striped black and white shirts and crap attitudes all kinda look the same after a while.
The boy emo is in a band. They’re getting better – but that’s kind of making them unhappy. He doesn’t like it when the other people in his band don’t do what he says. “Don’t do it like that!!! God! I told you to wait until I tell you to come in! I hate you so f**cking much right now”. I wish they’d send them to camp. And film it.
Coming up on Channel 10, “Emo Camp!” – three kids, one pair of stovepipe jeans. Who will be the one to successfully navigate the “Conformist Parent” obstacle course, grow the biggest fringe, collect the most razor blades and be crowned biggest Emo of all time?!!


The Bubble Lady


Cairns, Australia

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