Karirose

Joined February 2008

Painting, photography, photo editing and writing serve not only as a way to explore and show the beauty of the world but also as a way of...

Depression Creativity

No need for caution on this journal for language or anger issues. So this is your ’non-warning. ;)

Over the years I have noticed that a depression of this length usually produces something of greater insight, deeper spirituality, or more creativity either visual or written. Something beautiful usually comes out of it. Thus far: not so much. Since this depression began in late April 2011, I’ve slowly moved from the basic glum to the “why am I still taking up space and wasting oxygen” to a week in bed sleeping, followed by sobbing in corners, experiencing horrific moments after an MRI which landed me on the floor sobbing and four hospital personnel trying to get me off the floor and dressed. It seems hospital policy is that no one can be on the floor. I was, however, in stellar performance mode at my uncle’s funeral and able to not cry more than my cousins.

I did come up with one image “Sometimes It’s Just So Dark

Which has been met with some success but doesn’t meet with what I consider my higher standards of creative attempts like “Beyond the Blues

Or from many years ago, “Thick and Dark This Endless Night

Which was inspired by the poem I’d written Despise This Disease

And somehow I managed to put together for the DisCo project "*This Is My Father’s World*:

I’m just frustrated right now and venting it to my friends in the best way I can in this mental state. Most all of you know exactly what I’m talking about and understand. If nothing good is coming out of this episode, then I’m certainly ready to be done with it. For the curious, I am working on doing the things I know to do when depressed to keep me from falling into the darkest of pits. The good news is that my plants have not died.

Yes, another long journal entry of pretty useless information. For those of you who read this far. Thank you. For those of you who didn’t read this far (which makes no sense, I know) I take no offense. After all, who really wants to read a depressed person’s journal?

Appreciate all you, my friends. It is good to be here with you even when I’m hardly here in mind. I look and rarely comment. My apologies. I do appreciate the lovely images and interesting posts. You all help me in that you create a bit of a diversion from the pain.

Much appreciation,
Kari
(^dA Karirose^)

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