She Needed Me

They talked about honesty as if it was so easy to meet her acquaintance.

I move a lot.
Physically and mentally .
I’m never still , because still leaves me to face a lot of my realities.
I stopped writing years ago , because writing makes everything real.
I have met tragedy and conquered sorta.
Everyday I wake I make a conscious choice to fight.
I have days when my PTSD hits hard and I’m in a mental head space that keeps me safe because only I exist,
I have days when depression hits me in my gut and I still manage to crack a smile and get through the day.
I’ve learned over the years , ive learned how to save face.
I’m either a road runner or I wont leave home at all.
I think being a survivor changes you , a lot.
Its like I need someone to see me , to hear me to understand me , to check for me , to care consistently and I found out that .. that person has to be me.
I had to reteach myself that the most important player on my team is me.
You can have a million friends , that live in the same city as you and they’ll see you and still look right past you .
I stopped taking it personal .
Instead I started having sit downs with myself
“So tell me about your day”
“What was your low point this week”
“What was your high”
“Where’s your balance”
“What did you do to self-care this week”
My head is a tornado .
Like will I fall in love again ?
Will I get married ?
Will I birth babies?
Do I even care anymore?

I have learned that it is easy to exist alone. It is lonely , but it is easy. One day soon Ill be able to write my poetry again , but until then its thoughts on paper with no theme.

This year I’m choosing me . I’m choosing to love me and take care of me first.

I’ve became a blur and its okay because I see myself.

She Needed Me

Jahmeka J

Joined February 2010

  • Artist
    Notes

Artist's Description

This is me trying to crank up my writing juices again

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