MY BLACK BOOK ( 67 to 71 ): "'the beau's songs re helen (not of troy)' poetry, Novel; incorporating the "juddarwin ................" entitled poetry [both series whether or not textually used].

_Religion? As in proving the existence of God?

His smile says nay.

What’s that?

I’m pretending I’m also watching this conversation, like a writer; sometimes, I say things as though the writer’s words are heard instead of me, talking.

Why does he smile at, then?

We still seem to behave as if we can quite easily prove \disprove the existence of God.

I just want out of it if the ask points: it’s are you of the does \don’t people who then think him having to do with watch-makers: it’s have you thought of it in a new way?

Somehow it appears like each way is its way…

#Like all roads lead to Rome…
#Which is what I almost did say \which you saved me from. Come on! Finish your drink! Remember how we went through some few jugs before we remembered Eusabeo was the name during the World Cup, those years ago?

THEY BOTH DRINK DOWN THEIR GLASSES. MIDDDIES.

As the words came out of your mouth, instead… I still love your mouth… Ouch! Things always measure against each other. Ouch! Stop hitting me!

Hamlet’s full of things we say anyway, in different words. The way you grumble, you could be Hamlet. I keep my eyes open for one!

It’s not going to happen.

As I heard you say the words I was about to – about Rome – I was thinking the line was more about Rome than the roads. It’s the very first time that occurred to me.

Sometimes things aren’t happening even as they happen_.
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APHORISMS
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I ever expect peculiarity from people who think to seem particular.

poetry means how what should now be heraldryED

It doesn’t matter whether aborigines did or did not practice cannibalism; it would matter if Pauline Hanson did so; or, if I.

Can I run away with myself; elope: and claim plurality?

Sometimes the best decision is the decision not to make a decision, now.

just talked in terms of training the foot to wear the socks that the I wants to be known to be wearing

No I do not only believe that faith can literally move mountains.

Evolution: what is the next step?

my pillow still doesn’t taste good

I’ve already told the foreman that I’ll be sick on the 27th.

Are we reading newspapers which refuse (Reader’s Write) to represent us?

when an answer could be said to speak for an occasion instead of for feelings that have to stay hidden

nourishment’s ravishment

people who believe that using the ‘pill’ is immoral, and who, then, don’t use it, are moral: logically, anyway

it would seem that (non)rapists leave their women very content

the girl who suffers rape after “Scream And You’re Dead”, will feel the whole TV set tearing her open; maybe, especially, those who sit and watch

the walls vanish as she is being raped. The experience teleportates to the marketplace. Is she screaming because the shoppers may not know that it isn’t a lewd show?

the victim has to prove to herself that she was raped: apart from being a bastard, he was a man, and her men weren’t that different

facing society’s Etiquette While You’re Raped

what would be a virgin’s experience if she were told, that she was a slut if she experienced pleasure during her honeymoon: those who went through “Just lie there and let him do what he wants.”

Is being raped, having to experience every emotion as being pain?

the triumph of the rapist comes in the victim feeling she’s been nourished, instead : that she is left painful and complaining and tearful, means the rapist has failed at his encounter with sex. Is it true they only want to inflict pain?

does the husband hate the firstborn because he outdid him

the cock is ever open to coaxing

dates are artificial arrangements

it could be that you have matured, and that she counts the absence of impulsiveness and impassioned demands as lacks

a ‘rapist’ is someone who forces sexual intercourse from someone [-demanding wives?] ; provided he does it clumsily enough, and leaves such evidence as would force the law courts to conclude that it was indeed him that did

such scenes make me picture Imogen, surrounded and made more vulnerable by multiples of me; I, doing the feeling for all my many selves, comprehensively and mutual to all her experiences of each of my selves, projected and embodied for the duration

praise page

pants my pull down

this seemed to want to suggest something else to me

she just situated herself into what I was thinking about

all this leads to ‘but’

bed of graves

you don’t listen to their howing

is it the case that the US psychic is a jealous bitch; jealous because the USSR revolutionized on the home ground, instead of after foreign settlement on reaching a New World [killed its monarch, to boot]; is a jealous bitch for the same reason, given France; is a green dragon of a bitch, given all latterday, now, revolts of peoples in their mother countries?

some guided appreciation has planned every page: should I tear out every one?

then your father’s blood runs through you to run through me: you are the pipeline

Ah! John! We have come to take you to task!
That, gives each of you five, a fifth chance to ask or answer.

imagine that life is a film reeling backwards; that our future is actually a gradual unfolding of the past and history

I love 2 the pain
of missing u

writhing lines again

tortured aligned ink
fossil figurines
now serenading

perceive aurally
floating oral tones

Beware, the smile: he might be re-Re-RE-recalling the one time he left off being a swine.

Lucy Loose

her skin held all the sweat had lost

Her hair, the wind, had all ways blown;
On her cheeks the sun had redness thrown.

you’ll like anything once you like it

was it agriculture put all that importance on penis and sperm?

at the mention of anal-sex, Bertha always thinks of her bag full of dildoes, and their eyes, now windmills

is art where forms pose the questions?

any program can work if everyone follows it perfectly

notice: we do not disintegrate at our moment of death

& the presents covering the floor
as we walk in through the door

days we sat together
doing nothing, saying less

all I did was
to hold her hand:
but what did she?

Dostoyevskian “Friend of the Family”

a rapist is a masterbater who is afraid that God would laugh at him; thinks God knows not he’s but holding a woman that way

they are clothes
those cloths
that hang on her
loosely

there, there was the gust of air,
was chanting the pagan prayer.
the leaves, like the alphabet,

a man kneels before a woman, clutches hard at her buttocks; his nose, as though burrowing, presses close, almost into, her lap. Is this subconscious? Does he want to return to the womb?

Perhaps our consciousness makes us the lowest, instead of the highest, animal: being the only one not ONE with Nature. It seems predictable, that man will become more instinctual [the nonuse of the potential to freely be, due to the growing trends to sucking up to each other building \ retaining individuation(?) superfluous, then] and more blind to reason. Man may be learning, experiencing, until he finally automates: or, man, environments unwittingly, though: to feed \ program his genes, so that, later, the genes will produce a man, programmed to fit into Nature. Perhaps, this, completed, it will be man’s time for hibernation \ winter \ fall Out \ the sleep of years [as seeds in the desert], to re-emerge as just another animal, or, to fill his place with the monkeys. Who’s to say Evolution does not have it backwards: we, instead, the lowest; consciousness meaning not yet instinctive. Another reason for the ‘that we came from another planet’ paradigm.

Holy Nicotine.

starting in the middle of the book is like saying hello! to someone in the street before knowing how he grew up to get there; like watching the television program already started: ‘I was born in May; she, in January’

was the Queen Mother’s brother, John[?], father of Katherine & _______, of madness ed Jack the Ripper [looked he not for the diamond she had swallowed \ he had dropped to keep safe in her drinking water?]?

how come those some who heard the stolen Stradivarius did not recognize it?

there is only one thing that you can do to a man that you can’t do to a woman

4 squaws and 10 peers had a go

trees are ready like naked women, planted \ waist deep, upside down, looking much like wishbones \ let your tun togs down among the autumn browns…

The Aborigines should all be millionaires by now, The million’s spent on them… Since they are nowhere near being millionaires, into whose pockets, instead, did all those millions go: high priced messengers, from Olympus?

Our politicians want to succeed as the queen’s reps just as much as commoners dread succeeding to the old folks homes: therefore the monarchic retention.

Psychology is the friend in Dostoyevski’s “Friend of the Family”.

America’s first Marx was the corporation, which thereby knew what unions were when they also appeared.

Pauline Hanson is like the one person who did manage to talk herself aboard the Ark, who then promptly decided that the unicorn did not belong.

To know Unexperience

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Perhaps our consciousness makes us the
lowest, instead of the highest, animal: being the only one not ONE with Nature. It seems predictable, that man will become more instinctual [the nonuse of the potential to freely be, due to the growing trends to sucking up to each other building \retaining individuation(?) superfluous, then] and more blind to reason. Man may be learning, experiencing, until he finally automates: or, man, environments , unwittingly, though: to feed \program his genes, so that, later, the genes will produce a man, programmed to fit into Nature. Perhaps, this, completed, it will be man’s time for hibernation \winter \fall Out/ the sleep of years [as seeds in the desert], to re-emerge as just another animal, or, to fill his place with the monkeys. Who’s to say Evolution does not have it backwards: we, instead, the lowest; consciousness meaning not yet instinctive. Another reason for the ‘that we came from another planet’ paradigm.
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..Holy Nicotine.
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.starting in the middle of the book is like saying hello to someone in the street before knowing how he grew up to get there; like watching the television program already started: ‘I was born in May; she, in January’
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.was the Queen Mother’s brother, John[?], father of Katherine & _______, of madness ed Jack the Ripper [: looked he not for the diamond she had swallowed \ he had dropped to keep safe in her drinking water?]?
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.how come those some who heard the stolen Stradivarius did not recognize it?
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.there is only one thing that you can do to a man that you can’t do to a woman
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.4 squaws and 10 peers had a go
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trees are ready like naked women, planted \ waist deep, upside down, looking much like wishbones \ let your tun togs down among the autumn browns…
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.The Aborigines should all be millionaires by now, The million’s spent on them… Since they are nowhere near being millionaires, into whose pockets, instead, did all those millions go: high priced messengers, from Olympus?
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Our politicians want to succeed as the queen’s reps just as much as commoners dread succeeding to the old folks homes: therefore the monarchic retention.

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.Psychology is the friend in Dostoyevski’s “Friend of the Family”.
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America’s first Marx was the corporation, which thereby knew what unions were when they also appeared.
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Pauline Hanson is like the one person who did manage to talk herself aboard the Ark, who then promptly decided that the unicorn did not belong.
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To know Unexperience
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When I asked you whether you received the roses & valentine you said, yes, the only one you received; immediately turning to confirm a date with the fella next to you.
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I asked you if you liked the words in the card & you soon squealed & ran towards me and then passed me by and kissed Douglas.
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DEATH is what they does with the body I left behind. They says that royalty doffs their clothes as they walks along and the valet [or _-] following, picks up after them. Is death when someone takes the royal astral of NoComeBack: sudden, GoWalkAbout

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._Maybe because I am usually reading or doing crosswords at the same time, if I am not writing. Besides, I also have two radios on, at the same time. They are never off; only a bit louder, when I’m not home.

Is that supposed to be a way of avoiding being influenced by radio or television?

I don’t know. I find the radio disturbs me when I want to write. Then I discovered one day, that it didn’t. Very soon I noticed that while one radio does, two don’t disturb my concentration.

Is that a discovery? Something new, someone should write about. I hear the journals are full of reported observances?

I have one ready for the psychologists. I kept changing wearing my watch on my left hand to wearing it on my right hand, and vice versa. I wanted to be able to answer that I did not know which hand I wore my watch on.

Did you manage to not know which hand…

After a while I forgot which hand I had it on the previous day.

Another jug!

You legitimize my thirst. Talking, makes the beer taste better. That’s another thing; an extension: one or two people talking next to you in the pub is irritating to your reading; when it is crowded, that hum of voices, is almost silence.

What time is it?

John pulled up his left hand.

Is it on your other hand?

No.

John pulls out a travel alarm clock from his pocket. The clock, here, is on that little bit of wall, as you come out of the kitchen.

Yes. Of course, you work here. You’re the cleaner. You would know where everything is. What’s with this travel clock?

My wrists kept getting irritated. I kept scratching. The veins kept aching. Someone told me scratching was the reason why. I was cleaning when I first went to uni. They enjoyed a laugh at the uni. pub when I said I thought being a cleaner, I should do philosophy

Did you ever succeed in not knowing which hand you wore your watch on?

Ah! Yes. The next step: I wore the watch on the hand I did not feel the watch, on.

What happened?

It did happen. After a while, when I wanted to know the time, both my hands jerked upwards. I had to look to see which hand to pull up fully, to see the time.

Had a psychologist, then asked, which hand you wore your watch on, your honest answer would have been you did not know.

Even, more, interesting. He’d assume [thereby being ‘unscientific’] I was being peculiar; and, would be conceited in his certainty about my being ridiculous [without any empirical evidence as to my claim being ridiculous].

Until you explained your experiment?

Psychologists are like priests: they first decide whether they can believe in the source they are about to hear from.

“They have denied themselves so much to accept what they do believe, in faith, that henceforth their first communication is doubt. They are wives of Lot and doubting Thomases!” I remember you saying this before.

Is that why you use the silent initial, calling yourself ‘John T.’, instead of ‘Thomas’?

Suddenly both, David, and John T., burst out laughing_.

*

He is always asking me to press Mike The Mechanic and Louis Armstrong.
I played the song over, and then over again; played the song all day; played it even
though they threatened to throw me out, and did…
I did it again the next pay day
No: it was Mona Lisa, I played, this publican, my boss, whom I cleaned for, told me;
he is always asking me to press Mike The Mechanic and Armstrong:
What A Wonderful World and what’s-that-song!
It was a good many months of ‘moonshine’ made or tinkered under, before David
brought out the hope that I was not going to play those two songs again: David,
as regular as the mark and the spot on the bar that’s given some bar persons,
maids or no, that same pain in the spine, crink in the neck.

INCIDENTALS
Karna \\
Neville \\
Chinese boy identical to Chinese girl working in corner shop: popped up fully grown upon a lily pad: does she have to be naked like Venus?
Some do Charka??? together
Have cook-ups
Sandy died in car crash

MAY BE REPEATING
Fremantle; swan river; city o lights; ship o lights; airport; customs; chillie seds; david-waiter, eats his meal; car thru’ city; R & I, T & G , highest building; UWA, yellow lights like STC Butterworht; Anketell Street; Lansdown Road; Andy Combs, wife Rose [?], son [?] later pot-belly pool- player [?], Fleur [?]; Aunty Cora [Jean Simmons]; Janet & Max [?], played football with Desmond David; Joy [“our last child”]; Olive and David, away; uncle Charlie [“Don’t sign anything until…Don’t not come and see me like Hoffmeister (my teacher at SXI, F: ? ) ]; Roger’s room, books, daughter, yellow hair; visit with Ivan; Carol, husband in Customs, remember her in Green Lane Penang, washing bottom of pot with Vim, showing me her outspread hand as her open mouth yelled “Yaahhh!”, bundled up children, Thornlie, drove through farm property to go to Thornlie 1968, stayed next to grandpa’s; Magaret?; “I woke up Joy.” ; moved out to Davies Road flat, Claremont, August/September with Bennett & wife; father, darts champion, worked male nurse up Davies Road Asylum (now housing estate); had bikini wearer, Mavis [?]; worked with Ian Bennett in Nedlands post office, postie, Williams Street to Broome’s Street, many waiters of letters from Vietnam, mother for sons, wives & babies for husbands/fathers; Airline pilot’s big crash, 29, 31, Dalkeith Road, houses down, now, housing units; Strets most changed are Broome St [seemed haunted when I visited] and Stirling Highway ends of Martin and Baird (from Bedford); [seem to recall street leading to, stopping front of 44 Loftus St: huge building on brick stilts, as it were: maybe Smith St went straight through’: used to cycle down such a road from Davies to work: SEC bills used to reach 44 Loftus where two adjacent houses now lie, Helen in one on them]; used to walk to Swanbourne Army Barracks where Ivan stayed with John & son & Ivan’s cousin Julie [?], smoking my pipe, three nuns, Irish [green], Dr Pat [?], lying under bushes while raining, huge transistor, skies full of clouds then skies empty of clouds; Meckering earthquake happened while I was here, Ian’s pekinese was giving birth at the time and we was playing chess, each looking at the other wondering didja fucking move the table, we took far into the golf course for a bit still with the these things don’t happen; Ivan came to live with me, Ian and wife moved out of flat to house it; later we moved to Rose’s flat 33 cook St to which add I returned again much later in 1979 when I went to UWA first year for second time; Ivan/me wrote since 16/17, this supposed to be union of correspondents.

1969, 60 Adelaide Terrace, Hostel, often used to wake to feel my bed rattling moving like the earth quaking; moved there with Micky who exchanged with Ivan who than stayed with Philip, architect student, of “had sex 11 times yesterday”;


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JOHN DROPS IMOGEN BACK IN THE CHAIR.

IMOGEN
Very good, John!

JOHN LAUGHS. COUGHS. LAUGHS. COUGHS.

JOHN
(shouts!)
aaarrrrrrhhhkkh!

IMOGEN
Theatrical!

JOHN
Forced my breath through it all. Was choking!

JOHN IS LEANING OVER, CATCHING HIS BREATH AT IMOGEN’S CHAIR.

IMOGEN
Yoouu!! smoke!.

JOHN
No one smokes at that wrong…time…in!…canal…
…tube! full of breath coming out.

IMOGEN
(holds out another cigarette)
Have another smoke, why don’t you? You’re only gonna die once!

JOHN
(laughs)
Remember The Graduate kissing Mrs. Robinson just as she has inhaled?

IMOGEN
(grinning)
She, amusedly thankful he moves his mouth so she can exhale.

JOHN STRETCHES OUT HIS HAND INTIMATING HE DOES WANT A SMOKE.

IMOGEN (CONT’D)
Was his inexperience that saved Mrs. Robinson…

IMOGEN REACHES INTO HER PACKET OF CIGARETTES.

IMOGEN (CON’T.)
having to deal with that sudden ashtray encounter!

JOHN
Before I could stop I’d drunk those bobbing cigarette butts the next morning.

JOHN TAKES THE CIGARETTE FROM IMOGEN; NODS THANK YOU.

JOHN (CONT’D)
Wrong glass. –I’d just reached!

JOHN DROPS HIS HEAD ON IMOGEN’S SHOULDER.

JOHN (CONT’D)
That’s why I coughed, just now.

JOHN’S HEAD NOW MOVES HIS CHEEK TO PRESS AGAINST IMOGEN’S. HIS ARM REACHES ROUND TO PULL HER CLOSER, PRESSING HARD. JOHN TURNS HIS HEAD, HIS LIPS NOW ON IMOGEN’S CHEEK. HE OPENS HIS MOUTH. HE WIPES IMOGEN’S CHEEK WITH HIS MOUTH TOWARDS HER’S, IMOGEN QUICKLY EXHALING.

IMOGEN
You fucking taking your time!

JOHN
Some fucking few things happened on the way to now.


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KEVIN: Why do you say that?

THOMAS: Because they’re doctrinarian.

KEVIN: Why ‘s Heaven against them being doctrinarian?

THOMAS: It has nothing to do with Heaven: I am being doctrinaire because they are always so full of that doctrine shit.

KEVIN: I still don’t get what you are talking about.

THOMAS: They always quote the Bible; this chapter, this verse, says such and such. Therefore, I say only Catholics will go to Heaven. That is why they have to try to convert everybody.

KEVIN: I have heard that it is only the good will go to Heaven, if anyone.
_THOMAS; …besides they will not get to Heaven.

THOMAS: No. They go to Limbo, where unbaptized babies go; only those baptized go to Heaven.

KEVIN: But, all Christian religions, baptize differently.

THOMAS: Exactly!

KEVIN: What do you mean: ‘Exactly!’?

THOMAS: Like passes to a pop concert. No pass, no entry.

KEVIN: You particularly said Jehovah Witnesses will not get into Heaven: why did you particularize on them?

THOMAS: Only according to Catholics doctrine. Aside: Only when I was growing up. Jehovah’s Witnesses believe in doctrines.

KEVIN: But they don’t believe in other people’s doctrines, only in their own.

THOMAS: But I’m talking, so I am using the doctrine which says that only Catholics will go to Heaven.

KEVIN: So, you are not talking seriously?

THOMAS: No. But, given we’re now full into the era of computers, when we tell St Peter we are Catholics or Jehovah Witnesses or Hindus, he’ll say: Fuck that, mate. Put your hand flat on that square of supersensitive plastic. The computer will work out what religion your life lived.

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TOM COLLINS POETRY PRIZE

title: ‘SALOME’

pen name: p m barton

‘I found santa claus’ a m st moore

‘there is one leave left’ yuka blue

pen name: p m barton

cheque: $5. 00

there is one leaf left
all the other branches bare
is it a fig leaf?

i found santa claus.

she is at curtin university.
i should give you the number of her telephone.
there is no way your ringing will hurt her.
the best time for ringing is after hours.

she will tell you she is out for a while
that she’ll ‘get back to you’
in a soft sweet caring voice
: ‘leave a message’
all pixie.

you’d think reindeer are manifestations
and that there are still some people around
writers have to invent fairy folk for.

dial after hours: hear the voice speaking,
others pass exams \ train, to acquire
genuine as santa claus suits
put the phone down.

just another sorry: ain’t here thing but
ALLELUIA! SOMEONE’S CARING
echoes inside beyond your bat-ear
deeper down
to
where
pinnochio
reached when inside that fish
[was it the same fish, returning next as a white whale?]
like jonah
:both undergoing chrysalis(?)

widely open-armed as dad’s huge, ceiling-brushing christmas
tree,
you wonder why you don’t want to know why you think it peaceful \the green, as something soothing: the christmas tree?

the publican had told you of the voice whose words would
reach out and hug you
to account for that:
the voice you had then heard on the radio

you now remember
‘somewhere north of melbourne’, he’d said.

sufficient, you would think,
the good samaritans’
number, had this voice logged
seventy-five percent
would not need to proceed.

you cradle your receiver on the telephone.

then, ‘twas on that table next to the best leg ham.

SALOME

Finger touches the food
inside the plate

anticipates
sets the
juices on the run

catalytic just from seeing you
– Freudian slip –
vibes jostle vibrations for seniority
refusing to belief they’re within the same spell

vicariousness punctuates \illustrates
another dance of seven veils

past the nose
to the mouth
on the tongue

sacred

ceremonious
-ly the ritual

in just
eating
of the
food

Finger touches finger
in the same plate

the smell
the taste,
the thing
now shared

the things we do,
the real rituals

awakening

celebrations

(: did not forget to
cerebrate some.
the r content.)

we encountered
as we altered
on our altar.

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MY BLACK BOOK ( 67 to 71 ): "'the beau's songs re helen (not of troy)' poetry, Novel; incorporating the "juddarwin ................" entitled poetry [both series whether or not textually used].

juddarwin

Joined June 2009

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