Letter to wx wife

I really did love you heart and soul for many years.
I would truly love to correspond with you and hear you are well and happy.
I have no hate or bad wishes for you.
Divorce broke me completely and adjusting amount of hurt from the way the last few years of our marriage is still a wound that will never heal.

Got engaged to a woman I meet on eHarmony and bought a house.
That was in Bloomfield. Three days after the closing she backed out.
It was the final straw. I planed on committing suicide for the next couple of months.
Hired the best crack whore to be found, and smoked crack for about
two about 2 month. Spent every cent. Went from 210 pounds in two months. Problem was my heart was too strong nor could I stroke out.
Funny side line. As I could tell I was beginning to have a heart attack. I became so happy. Stretched out on the bed and said “Just wait until I am cold then take what you wanted”. Instead she dialed up a guy with allot of benzos in his pocket and narcotics broke the wave of the heart attack. I then crawled under the stove after opening all the windows and doors so nothing would blow up, blew out the pilots and turn on the gas
The girl came home early and pulled me out from beneath the blanket. Ended up in Western Psychiatric for 1 month.

Three months later that same guy that saved me died of exposure because he was too high to get his key in the door.

Made me realize I was supposed to live for some reason and have been working at turning my life around.

Sold the house in Bloomfield and my mother moved into the Methodist House and I back home. Severed all relations with the crack people and have been working at getting better. Only setback was I got a 40 yr old sulfa crested cockatoo and it was mean but not to me. It began to turn on me and one night while I was cooking it attacked me viciously and I reach over and stabbed it. I was inconsolable for days.

Really trying to make it work now. Looking hard for a job but with little luck. Have a psychiatrist that gives me valium and I drink very little and have found reefer boring. Got a counselor at OVR that work specifically on helping people find jobs. She is just there for the pay check and of little to no use.
Have lots of hope in finding something. Do you think I would do well in sales?

I really hope you are happy. When I think of us I try to remember when we were truly in love and our lives good. They were the best years of my life.
I apogees’ for all the hurt I must have given you.

I still love you ,

Letter to wx wife

John Toxey

Munhall, United States

  • Artist

Artist's Description

The life and the life of Amedeo Clemente Modigliani are very similar

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