Vampire's Cure

“I say! Can it be true?”

“Can what be true?”

“Can it be true that toothless vampires have to drink Bloody Marys for the rest of their lives?”

“Have you been on the bloody Marys yourself?!”

“Oh no, just a slightly chilled Newky Brown, which went down rather nicely, thankyouverymuchforasking – no, I only ask, ‘cos I just read something that said that vampires who have had their teeth removed due to poor dental hygiene have to resort to drinking White Russians or Bloody Marys…or suck soup through a straw.”

“Hmmm….you have a point there.”

“Well he doesn’t any more”

“Doesn’t what?”

“Have a point…or even two points…he has no points now…none…nyet…nada…nil pointe! He can’t speak properly…he whistles when he tries to say ‘She Sells Sea Cards by the Sea Shore’; it’s pitiful.”

“Who did this to him?”

“Some orthodontist….Fangelstein, I believe.”

“That quack? Didn’t I hear on the news that he was into Chinese herbal medicine, and got his so-called diploma from a Mandarin who lives over a pub in a one-lavatory hamlet in the Australian outback? Wouldn’t trust him to teach my granny to suck emu eggs!”

“Well anyway, I was just saying that I felt sorry for this…this…non-vampire…Matthew…”

“Hah! You mean Matt the Bat? Is that who you’re talking about? I know him! Skulks in bars brooding over some bird called Mary… Crikey! He’s the most depressed bloke I know! Nothing will cheer him up. He needs to get some sun on his face, is what he needs….or…hey, what’s that friend of yours called…you know, the one with the funny walk and the nice bum?”


“Yeah, her! Give us her number…she could cheer Matt the Bat up nicely.”

“Millie? Don’t be silly. She’s with Billy.”


“You know, William Farnsworth. He’s had a crush on her for ages, and she finally succumbed to his constant attentions.”

“Oh well…was just an idea.”

“I have a great idea though… you said he needed to get some sun on his face. He has no idea what he looks like right now. I’m sure he would be shocked into looking after himself if he knew just how much he had let himself go.”

“Yeah..and your point?”

“Get him a camera. He can’t look in a mirror, but he could take a self portrait…”

“Without flash.”

“..of course…and then when he saw what he looked like, I’m sure it would knock him back into his senses. And hey presto! A ex-depressed, ex-alchoholic, ex-vampire!”

“But where would we get such a camera, that could take photos in near darkness, without flash, and yet still yield a perfect image of my mate Matt?”

“You have asked the right person there, my friend. I believe the only camera in the world that could take such a picture is the most excellent D-80. You’ll need a trusty and sturdy tripod of course, and the aperture setting you want is…….” (and fade)

© Jeannette Sheehy. October 2008

Vampire's Cure

Jeannette Sheehy

Albany, United States

  • Artist
  • Artwork Comments 23

Artist's Description

A(n) homage to my new writer friends on RB. :)
iAN Derrick
Mark Bateman
Matthew Dalton
Millicent Morrow

Artwork Comments

  • iAN Derrick
  • Matthew Dalton
  • Jeannette Sheehy
  • Jeannette Sheehy
  • Matt Mawson
  • Jeannette Sheehy
  • iAN Derrick
  • Jeannette Sheehy
  • MillicentMorrow
  • Jeannette Sheehy
  • Mark Bateman
  • Jeannette Sheehy
  • AndyGii
  • Jeannette Sheehy
  • Mark Bateman
  • Jeannette Sheehy
  • iAN Derrick
desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait
desktop tablet-landscape content-width tablet-portrait workstream-4-across phone-landscape phone-portrait

10% off

for joining the Redbubble mailing list

Receive exclusive deals and awesome artist news and content right to your inbox. Free for your convenience.