Drugs

I’ve never been interested in drugs. Didn’t do them as a teen or in college. I think I was an addict in a former life and didn’t want to go there no way, no how. I have such an aversion to drugs, I try not to take them even when I might need to take them. So, needless to say, I had to be depressed without relief for ten years and go to a good physician for a long time before she convinced me an anti-depressant might actually help me recover from the past crap that was my life. She made sure to tell me to stay in counseling, which I did. The counseling led me to give up crazy people. The anti-depressants, well gave me a break till I could hope again and feel something like joy.

Nothing like getting fired to get you off of a drug. Decided I would rather breathe and so I’ll be buying those meds instead of the Effexor. I’ve only had one hangover in my life when I wanted to try a mini bottle of tequila straight. Not a lot of tequila but I don’t drink a lot and well…let’s just say I now hate tequila with a vengeance. I once missed a couple doses of my antidepressant because I was keeping some kids and left them at my apartment. What would two days of missed meds be I thought. WRONG. By Monday my head was doing a loop de loop, then an exorcist swirl and I almost passed out.

Lots of healing comes in the mountains. Great love will bring healing too so I know I am fortunate. Blessed even. Still, Effexor knows no such thing as kindness. My doctor prescribed a dosage to “ease” the effects, the wicked killer effects of withdrawal. Of the 60 problems of withdrawal I only have 30 of them. Lucky for my former employer, the one who fired me, “homocidal tendencies” isn’t one of the ones. At least not today. The tortorous headache is finally gone, so one down, only 29 more to go till I feel “normal” again, whatever that is.

The withdrawal is showing me something though. I think I would rather be depressed than have to deal with this type of withdrawals ever again. I mean I’ve been waking up hostile and that’s usually the realm of the “not a morning person” though she’s not really hostile. The nightmares could have something to do with the hostile feelings though. Nothing like reliving the lies of crazy and abusive people to get you up on the wrong side of the bed.

As I researched the web to seek a kinder, gentler remedy I came across the websited called http://theeffexoractivist.org/ and it seems that Effexor isn’t the only medical demon out there. Their ad states, “Committed to informing the public about the risks and dangers posed by the SSRI and SSNRI antidepressants". So, if your life has invited one of these babies (ANY SSNRI, SSRI or MAOI) in for a drink, you might want to check out the website. As for me, the next time depression comes my way, I’m going to just say NO to the antidepressants and pick up my old guitar. From now on, I’d rather sing the blues.

Journal Comments

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