A series of ramblings

After the hurting is done, I will be fine. I will be amazing, I will learn to love again. I will find someone who deserves what it is I have to offer. I will be so over you after the hurting is done. I will not give up…I will move on. I will learn to trust again, once this heart has started to mend again. At first, I thought that I could change who I am to make you happy, but the honest truth is, that I am happy just the way I am. There is no way that I could change any part of me to make you happy. And while I would love to do that, I have come to realize that the only thing I can do is move on. I am not going to conform to an undeserving world. I am only going to answer to me and God. I am who I am for a reason, and I’ve wasted too much time analyzing everything that I do. I don’t blame you, I’m so guilty of worrying. But if you think that I am going to suffer, you are wrong. I am going to be strong, I am going to move on. There is nothing that you can do for me that I can’t do on my own. It’s just me now, and I am nobody’s girl. I choose what is best for me and do what comes most naturally. I am going to continue to care, to care more than I probably should. I will continue to overthink everything I do, and I will continue to be crazy and amazing. I will not be pushed down, I will not be pushed around. I am not anybody’s girl and that’s just the way it is. I understand that you had to do it, and I guess that while I’ll never really understand why, I can just move on. After all, it’s my fault and I should have seen the signs. I can’t believe that I was such a fool. I thought that everything was so rosy-I never realized that this could happen. I never saw it coming. How was I to know? You were so quiet-you closed up your feelings. You should have called me when you were lonely-when you needed me. You never told me-never gave me a chance to be there for you in the ways you apparently wanted. Then again, that would be changing who I am. And I’m not going to allow myself to change for anyone but myself. If you don’t love me for who I am, it’s not my fault. I’d rather be hated for who I am than to be loved for someone I’m not. I guess I’m not going to lie and say that everything is okay, because it’s not. But I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. Just let me have one last cry and leave it all behind. I’ve got a bright future ahead-plans that I can shape and mold to make everything great. You may have been part of that future, but now that’s over and I’m going to find someone else. I guess we never did get past that one thing-that one thing that lead to all this. If only I could figure out what that one last thing was…I guess everything would be better…perfect. But now I just gotta get over you. Move on. I gotta put you out of my mind this time. You wanna be friends, but I gotta get strong first. I don’t want you to see me hurting, even if I don’t hide it very well. Let me dry my eyes, let go of the past and leave it all behind. I loved what we had, but now that’s it gone, I just don’t know what to think anymore. What becomes of the broken hearted? I had love…but its now departed. I need to find who I am…no wait, I know who I am. I just need to allow myself some time to move on. I’ll find a way somehow, don’t feel sorry. Don’t look at me with those sad eyes. I’m going to be fine.

A series of ramblings

johnsonKa21

Joined March 2008

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  • californiagirl
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