York, United Kingdom

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A reputation destroyed

My domestic ineptitude is well documented, the stuff of legend, failed the Domestic Goddess course and have a door mat to prove it.
“ I hate 4 letter words” it reads, “Dust, wash, iron, cook.”
I also totally lack a sense of direction and distance and am unable to understand jokes. “Why is that funny?” I ask, and then laugh when it’s explained in words of one syllable or less.
Now my well deserved reputation lies in tatters at my feet.
It started when I was asked where the Police Station was. I not only knew where it was (down the street we were standing on) how far (400 yards on the right) and I didn’t make my usual reply, “If you really want to get there, ask someone else!”
I can feel the cracks forming already.
Then Stewart, home from Uni, visiting with his parents, bravely asked for tea. Coffee is a bit iffy, but tea, well that’s a high level risk.
Not only did he survive, but said it was a very good cuppa.
Cracks are now seriously wide.
Then I was told a joke and UNDERSTOOD IT!!!!!
I’m definitely unravelling.
But the biggy, where it all collapsed like an earthquake crossed with a volcanic eruption, was the lunch. As a veggie twice as long as I wasn’t, cooking meat is a mental and physical ordeal. I never really know if it’s done or cinderised. They told me it was a great success, the meat perfectly cooked(major error), the spuds roasted as they should be and the vegetables delicious.
I hang my head in shame. Years of diligently striving towards utter domestic uselessness reduced to this. At only 174 years old, my reputation is shredded, never to recover (unless I work really, really hard to restore my much valued position).
And to add to my misery, my friend thinks that in about 10 years, I’ll have learned how to work those yellow things called dusters.
Reputation RIP

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