A bit tempermental at times

I asked my boss today for a favor. I could not believe the response. At times like these where money is tight and time is at a premium, I am unsure of what to do. I have found a way to end my financial burdens in 6 months time. The favor I asked was for 4 days off per month to persue another path for extra cash meanwhile, keeping my responsibilities in check. The 4 days would enable me to pay off credit card debt. Keep up on my house payments. Pay for my car. My insurance. My monthly obligations. Yet this request was met with anger and frustration. I feel trapped. We have had our scuffles in the past, nothing quite like this. I said some words, he said some words. All filled with passion and anger. I am nobody’s slave. But I feel I am being treated as such. I believe I quit 3 times today. But again, I am back. I can’t leave. I don’t want to leave. I feel after everything I have done for this company…I deserve something. And I am not asking for much. What do I do? Should I just do it? If I do, I am unsure of the consequenses. I know my pay will be docked accordingly and by my doing so, it will be the same as not doing it at all, because my pay will just even out. Is he being selfish or greedy…I am unsure. Am I being selfish or greedy…I don’t think so. What do I do? I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I’m stuck. I feel used. Unappreciated. Overworked…yet all I want to do is work more. I am sick…I have to work…I have to create…explore my thoughts…share what I see with others. He is narrow-minded. Always looking in one direction…fortunately for him…the direction is forward. I am along for the ride. And I want to be. But I need this. I need him to let me do this. I don’t think he will. Should I explore a new career? Start over? I don’t feel that I can…and be happy at the same time. Those moments of happiness nowadays come few and far between. Sleep is much more important than happiness. I’m tired. I know yelling has accomplished nothing for him or I…except for damaged feelings. Even after everything…he still came up to me and shook my hand. He didn’t say yes. But he said we will work through it. At least I’ve got that. Any other person at any other job would have been fired after the way I acted. And the way he acted is just inexcusable even for a boss. “Don’t forget the people who helped you get to where you are today” is what I said to him. I’m the one who has brought his company from nothing to what it is today…and I can say that in complete confidence without feeling cocky. I have been there every step of the way. I have been the one collecting the scraps for my work. All of it going to paying off my debt. So really what do I have to show for it? Pretty much nothing. I am still angry. But I won’t yell anymore. I sent him a very long email explaining my position. He has not responded. I don’t really know what that means. I’ll just play it out. This isn’t a game…this is my life.

A bit tempermental at times

JeremyRoffers

Green Bay, United States

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