22nd July 2008 03:06am

Waiting on smart ideas to swim into me
While I sieve through my day for an identity.
Clutching at cures that I don’t believe in,
Hoping at best that I’m done deceiving
given the test to avoid the glances,
destroyed all the rest and their long-lost chances.
No use, no hope
I wish I could joke
But I’m stuck here forever
and there’s noone to dance with.

I can’t keep on procrastinating
putting off the necessities
and spending life just wasting
Just hope that there’s still a best of me
At bay, that’s anticipating;
my own success has a recipe
and there’s eggs that need breaking
ingredients to invest in
and time that needs more waiting

enough spurning, churning rhyming with learning. need to cease the flow and start with the burning! Oh the hilarity, the laughs that this gets from me- freestyling like this is in dire need of charity. Just because my head doesn’t need to think doesn’t mean I can’t see that this – these words – are overstepping the brink, fast ready to reach some theoretical sink – fillingMORECRAPUPWITHHATEEYESWISHFORMORETIMEDIE.

Relax, rejig. This is rubbish, but that’s ok, it’s practice, it’s… a swarm of clich├ęs that need evicting before MUST AVOID LAME RHYMES… before foundations can be laid lol I failed.

it’s late. Can’t sleep. Going to bed would be accepting the failure that today was. Another hash atop the stack of weeks, months even, that further widens the abyss between Me and Who I Was, increasing the feeling that this rope I’m holding onto while I drift away isn’t actually attached to anything – there is nobody ready to tug me straight back to safety the moment it all starts to look worrying. Purposeless, wandersome, eager to avoid disrupting any balance, keen to observe but secretly dreaming that there’s somebody out there watching me; a life that truly believes my life is more interesting than theirs.

We’re all just rungs on this big, giant ladder, looking either way and smirking or cowering – but none of us seem to realise that this ladder is just lying there – flat on the ground. Nobody knows which is the ‘top’ end.

That sucks.

There is a strange third element to most binary situations that comes with ‘awareness’, that spoils mere opposites and creates an often endless undecisiveness – the sheer existence of this third element throws all other balances off. No longer one nor the other – and in a binary system that’s just nto possible. An endless cycle of hypocracy that comes with anything once you start factoring in externality — that is, when you start to try and define further, when you start to implicate and suggest and other forms of guesswork. But in some sense, this is all veering off course – and, of course, in some sense it isn’t. To what degree does one choice outweigh the other? is it some sort of objective principle that decrees thusly?

I don’t think I like unpredictability. But then, I don’t think I’d like predictability. So where does that leave me?

22nd July 2008 03:06am

jayseven

Joined July 2008

  • Artist
    Notes

Artist's Description

late night ramblings. I’ve decided fuck refining anything, let’s just start writing more. – and as such I’ll probably be doing this a lot, just to try and get the brain working again.

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