Agoraphobia.....

I sit outside on our tiny little veranday… just in front of my verandah is a beautiful old tree and all the lorikeets come to visit, so I feed them seeds.

I sit in the lounge watching my 250th DVD, wondering what else I can do with my day.

I head to the bathroom for a shower, my stomach knots up, and I feel like someone has sucked my stomach out… it is such an effort to get in that bloody shower.

I sit at the dining room table, whinging at my mother about how bad my life is and how I want it all to stop, she looks at me with this concerned yet frustrated look. She has heard this time and time again, never so much as now, and doesn’t know how to help me.

I go downstairs, my stomach knots up, and I feel like someone has sucked my stomach out… its such an effort to do the washing.

I go outside with the washing, with the neighbour watching every move I make, like I am some ghost that has come out of hiding.

My stomach is in knots, and I feel like someone has sucked my stomach out… Ohhh the despair.

Someone knocks at the door… my heart races, my stomach knots, I feel nauseous and am starting to have trouble breathing. My mother answers the door, I go hide in my room.

I go down the stairs, I open the door, and I walk to the letter box… my stomach knots, my heart races, nausea flares its ugly head again, I become dizzy, I can’t breathe, I feel like collapsing and vomiting and pooing all at the same time, so i turn around and go back inside.

I sit on the lounge, watching my 251st DVD, I wonder what I will do for the rest of the day, will anyone knock? Will I get to the bathroom ok? Will I attempt to go outside again?

Oh the joys of the ability to go to the corner shop and buy bread and milk. I never thought I would say that. Everyone takes that for granted! But that would be wonderful, to be free again.

Finally 5 years later, I can go to the corner store, to the shopping mall, the movies, the park, college, work, ohhh the freedom. YOu certainly don’t know what you have got until you have not been able to have it… we are free when you have the simple ability to go to the shop to buy bread and milk. … Something I never thought I would say.

Agoraphobia.....

jaycee

Brisbane, Australia

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Artist's Description

The joys of living with Agoraphobia and Panic Disorder for 4 years. This actually indicates basically what it is like, it does not show the real impact of what this illness can do to a person.

Artwork Comments

  • colinhollywood
  • jaycee
  • Lois Romer
  • jaycee
  • Lois Romer
  • jaycee
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