The Day

Sitting there anticipating, wondering what was ahead. Why was I so fearful? I was not the only one that was experiencing this. Or was I? The room was dim, my daughter lay asleep in one of the chairs. My son asleep on the floor, a close friend also asleep on the floor. The air was thick with a sense of panic yet no one was moving. I knew what it was, it was fear, fear from us even in our moments of rest, fear from MUM!

The sun rose, my friend had to go to work, my son was still asleep on the floor and my daughter was sitting with a look of sadness. I knew this was the day. I still felt the sense of fear. I still wanted to cry and yet the tears did not come, I felt like I was in a constant state of limbo not knowing what emotion to feel.

The breakfast lady came in. She asked if we wanted breakfast. I was not hungry, but the nurse said we should eat, that there was a lot to get through today. So we took our meals, my son, my daughter and myself. All I could eat was half a bread roll with marmalade, and this made me feel nauseous. I knew at that time that what I was feeling was normal considering the situation. Since I could not eat, I decided I would go contact another friend that we had been estranged from that was very close to us at one point to let her know what was happening. So I rang her, but came out of it not knowing whether she would be coming up or not. So an anticipation and uncertainty hung over me. I guess I couldn’t hold onto that as there was enough to deal with. I also had to move the car from the car park outside as it was not a legal parking spot. Unfortunately I had to move the car to the carpark where it cost $30 a day… sad that people make money from people when times are tough.

This day was the longest day in my life, I feel it was the same for my children. Such a hard thing for those so young, but I honestly believe that they needed to be there so that they could move through this process better. Grief is not something anyone wants to go through, but if you go through anticipatory grief, it works you up and prepares you for what is to come, or does it? This is a good question, I guess I cannot say as I have never lost someone quickly, this was our first experience front on with death. We had been there when a young lady we knew, her son had a liver tranpslant, and after 17 operations he passed away at the age of 4. Later we lost a dear friend a young man of 17, we had a month of not knowing what would happen to him. This family had endured so much. Here we were about to go through losing the dearest, most beautiful person we had ever known. Most would say of course mothers are special, but putting aside the fact that she was my mother, and a grandmother, she genuinely was the most amazing person I had ever known in my 34 years of life. She was kind, honest, considerate, giving, loving and wise beyond most. She was many peoples rock, so I wanted to be there as I had promised, right til the end. And I was…….

The Day


Brisbane, Australia

  • Artist
  • Artwork Comments 3

Artist's Description

The hardest day of our lives.

Artwork Comments

  • jaycee
  • flower68
  • jaycee
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