13

Yesterday, you came & left in a flash.
You’ve always been my shooting star.
One minute my body is lit aflame, waiting to see you.
The next I’m rubbing my eyes, wondering if it’s a reoccurring dream.
And after that I’m trying to dry my eyes,
but you trace the places the tears will be the second you drive away.
Part of me is nervous to lie but I think the anxious feeling is something else.
The irony is I’m too honest with you, constantly on the brink of spilling my guts.
Instead I settle for loaded words that we both know hold meaning,
but they never feel substantial enough in my mouth so my eyes scream them to you.
“I’ve missed you.” What I really mean is I missed you every day in the past year.
In a way, the handful of times I get to see you every year feels like a milestone.
I’m nervous that I’ve built you up in my mind.
You have been the one I’ve compared every lover to and so far your undefeated.
I’m scared you’ll finally see me for what I am; needy, insecure and hopelessly in love.
I warned you I would cry when I saw you. I told you I never lie.
It was your first time in this new state. Now many firsts have I given you now?
I’ve walked these streets hundred of times and seen the same thing each time.
But I’ll never look at the skyline the same.
I don’t want to change my clothes or wash my sheets or erase the memories so new.
The weather changed a lot yesterday. It’s no coincidence it reflected our relationship.
Hot and cold, we rub together causing a fire but once it’s out I can’t find you I’m cold.
Sunny, and God it feels like it’s never shown so bright I’m blinded by the light
but the clouds come suddenly and I don’t know which way is up or down.
It rained twice, which is how many times I cried.
Once when you came, once when you left.
As hard as I tried to commit every word and movement, every look and laugh
smile and touch to memory, you were gone before the sun set.
We sat by the river and talked about aliens and zombies
and you said it’s because we’re weird and I said I love that about us.
We sat close and I had to keep reminding myself to pull away,
to give you the chance to reach for me but you only did when I made a face.
And for that reason, I am the most nervous of all.
Though no man would drive 500 miles here and back just for the sake of fucking
I’m still questioning your motives for coming.
After a while I didn’t care. I leaned into you
and didn’t think about the empty life I’m living or the pointless lies I’m leading.
We don’t know what will happen in the future
we just know we will have a shot at one together.
But for now you are three states and three hundred miles away.
And I’m grateful that I got to be with you for even half of a day.
I know I’m stupid for always waiting for you
and it’s inevitable to fall time and time again like we do
but I can’t help but think one day I’ll find the courage to say those three words
and you will reply “I love you too.”

13

jasmine806

Joined July 2010

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