Email to Claire

I am being abused and your father is part of it and letting it happen. It is not normal or right to leave an infection in anyone’s body Claire. The reason I was forced to leave you and Mitchell is because I was ill and your father abused with with this infection and by denying me health care and medicine, and the same thing is still going on. I have been made to suffer for thirteen years now, these people have no decency including your father, they are doing this to me on purpose. They are putting me in the position of having to sleep with men for health care because they won’t provide what is something that should be provided quite normally, no excuses, we don’t leave infections in human beings bodies. I am being tortured. They just ignore my pleas for medical care and every day I feel crap inside of me eating at my bladder, kidneys, and liver. No mistake I am very ill. They know what they are doing Claire. It is very intentional. They know that it does not show on the outside, very much. They know that they can leave me like this to suffer for long periods of time. They are bad people that hide behind lies. I might look alright on the outside, but I am not alright on the inside and they know it. They are bad people. I never did anything to your father to deserve any of this. I loved my family, I loved him, and I loved and love you and Mitchell. He is a horrible person to leave me like this, at the mercy of these vultures. He is a horrible person to have done this to me in the first place. I remember how excitied I was when we all got in the car to go to the hospital to have Mitchell. I loved my family and I was looking forward to having my second child. I never could have imagined that I would be raped by the doctor, my husband and the police. When I say rape, I mean that they violated me sexually by injuring me (hurting me, cutting me) on purpose, and then they left a very intentional infection in my body. I stayed with you and Mitchell for many many years ill, because I loved you so much, while your father denied me medical care and tortured me. I finally had to leave. The last time I was in France I was in the hospital for over a month. Claire, people do not get put in the hospital for over a month unless they are intensely ill. I have tried to reason with your father to see that I get something very basic that I need, health care and medicine, but he continues to ignore me. He does not care about me or what I am to you and Mitchell at all, your mother. I need my health to function, and as long as I am denied medicine my health is being put in extreme jeopardy. Something is eating at my insides Claire, this is bad and it could kill me. Why should I care about staying someplace where people treat me like garbage and torture me Claire. Your father gives me no reason to care about anything, he won’t allow me see you and Mitchell, I doubt he tells you the truth about how he has really treated me, and he won’t do the right thing and put my body back together so that I can be a mother to you and Mitchell. These people and your father treat me like a dog. I am something to be owned and abused by a man. And if I am not with a man then I can accomplish nothing, I am forced to be desperate and live in poverty because they won’t allow me to succeed on my own. They play with my mind, abuse me emotionally, sexually, financially, spiritually, and etc…, they make me live in terrible pain with an infection eating at the insides of my body and they lie about me. They are driving me insane. I want to love you and Mitchell but I am not being allowed too. I can not even see you. I have not talked to Mitchell in over two years. And I do not get to really talk to you either, just an email every once in a while. And the emails I send to you, I wonder how much you really get to read, and how much is being filtered out by the liars that surround me, the police. The police I believe are the leaders of all of this. They are the ones that have made my life a miserable hell, and they get other people to abuse me as well. I do not understand how they can keep me in endless slavery with their philosophy that everyone has rights but me, but somehow they manage. I have been forced to live in incredible fear for a decade and a half now because they can get away with doing anything to me. Anything. They make anything the truth. I am very angry because every day I sit here while my health deteriorates, they are torturing me and murdering me and no one will do anything about it or make them do the right thing. So basically Claire, I can not do the right thing. And not only can I not do the right thing, I do not care about it anymore because it is costing me too much. I have no life and I am losing my health. Their is no reward for loving you or Mitchell. I do not get to see you or interact with you or be part of your lives. No one cares that by hurting me they hurt you and Mitchell. I am being kept down on purpose and people lie about it so I can give nothing to you or Mitchell, NOTHING, and it is not my fault. I would be better of elsewhere, and probably this would be better for you and Mitchell too, since here all I have to look forward to is slimy people who want to abuse me never-endingly and lie about it including your father. They, (the police), took my car, and that was my only means to come and see you and Mitchell, and your father has told me I am not welcome anyway. He will call the police. This is so crazy that he treats me so bad, I certainly do not deserve it, but no on cares about what I deserve - It is all about lies, intimidation, abuse, and control. I have no rights. If I had rights they would not leave an infection in my body. If I had rights I would be able to see my children. If I had rights I would have a home and a job. They are filthy dirty predators that torture me endlessly and won’t leave me alone. I do not have any desire to stay here, I have been made to suffer endlessly. If they do not take the infection out of my body it might kill me. I would leave if I felt better but I am so ill. However I think it would be better for me to leave if I had the opportunity for I will always be denied justice here. People prey on me like filthy little maggots, it is extremely scary. They have ruined everything in my life. They won’t even let me love my own children. I was such a wonderful mother to you and Mitchell, despite the fact I was trememdously ill. I gave you all that I had to give as a mother and I loved being your mother. You and Mitchell do not deserve this anymore than I do. I am being treated like a whore because the truth is the only way I can be put out of my physical misery is to sleep with a man. They lie about this too, but it is the truth. I have no power to get anything done on my own, because the doctors won’t do anything for me alone, and they are killing me by leaving me like this, they are torturing me. It is reprehensible that your father does nothing to aid me, especially since he is the one who did this to me. That is how these people, the police operate in their abuse towards me. They abuse me, treat me like garbage, and then tell me I deserve it. No one deserves to have their baby ripped out of them. No one deserves to have an infection intentionally left in their body, and no one deserves to be told by others that they have to sleep with someone or they will be put out in the cold, with no food, no shelter, and no medicine or health care. I am not okay, I am ill, and they lie about it. I am suffering immensely. They have made me sit here for a year and a half and beg for medicine while an infection is eating at the insides of my body. I am not the garbage, they are.

JANE À PARIS

Email to Claire

JaneAParis

Joined February 2008

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Artist's Description

I am being never-endingly denied justice…another word for this is slavery.

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torture

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  • Ushna Sardar
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