This is a letter I wrote to my children over a year and a half ago, nothing has changed - in fact I have been told now that if I do not get on the ball (and we all know what that means), that I will be thrown out in the street ill. I have also been told that I will be provided no medical care. They have been telling me for over a year and a half that they would get social insurance for me, and that I was covered in other ways as well, and now they just say that they are going to throw me out in the street ill. The truth is if I do not sleep with someone, they do nothing for me, they treat me like a whore and they are killing me because they have intentionally left an infection in my body. They make me live in terrible pain and misery.

Letter -
I am very ill. I have an infection in my body that is spreading. I have an infection on my head and my hair is falling out. When I talked to you on the telephone you asked me what the bad people do to me. I will tell you. I am very tired right now. I have been subjected to years and years of vicious invasive abusive torture. The things that people do to me are numerous, and it has been going on for a long time. I do not know if I will ever be free of their abuse. I went to a foreign country and they abused me there too. That is because my abuse is connected with the police and politics. And unfortunately for me, the police and politics are almost everywhere. The authorities and people in this country say I have no rights, and not only do they just leave it at that, but on top of that they abuse me. They think that they have the right to prey on me, they are predators. They don’t have this right, they just do it; it is wrong for them to do this, period. They have no right to abuse me. And in many instances they are outright breaking the law and acting/behaving very immoral. The police and people in other countries say I have no rights either, so therefore there is never any freedom for me anywhere. I am being kept in a never-ending cage. They abuse me physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and many other ways as well. Just the insults and slurs I have to put up with on a daily basis are very hard to deal with emotionally. They are nasty dirty people that call me a toilet, and other names when they’re actually the toilets. Then I have to deal with the physical torture that they have put me through over the years. They tore apart my body when I had Mitchell and left me with a terrible infection on purpose. I have been in the hospital many times for surgery, however they have never completely fixed the problem on purpose. I am being tortured and it is very deliberate. They have left infection in my body on purpose, they call it eating because the bacteria they have left inside of my body is eating me. It is very painful and extremely dangerous to my health. They then try to use and manipulate my medical care based on my personal life, which is very immoral and wrong. When people go to the doctor normally, the doctor heals them and does not invade their personal space or hurt them on purpose. But as for me, the doctor hurt me on purpose when I had Mitchell, and then they left an infection in my body to torture me. They tortured me terribly while I was taking care of you and Mitchell as babies. This was not only morally wrong to do to me, but it was terribly wrong to put you in this situation as well. I was your caretaker and protector and they abused me while I was doing my job, being your mommy. They did not care or think how this impacted you. Doctors are not supposed to hurt people, and normally if they do people can sue them. Part of my problem is that I cannot defend myself from the bad people, because not only are they sick and think that they have the right to prey on me and hurt me, I cannot defend myself with the law, police, or authorities because they allow the bad people to abuse me and will not allow me normal recourse to abuse, like the right to sue people who hurt you. At this point I want to tell you how much these nasty people have cost you and Mitchell by abusing me endlessly and not allowing me to function like a normal person in society. First of all they are killing your mother because they have left an infection in my body for over thirteen years. They have abused me with this infection in many ways. They tortured me until I left you and Mitchell because they denied me medical care and medicine. They try to manipulate my personal life through my medical care. This isn’t right. My or anybody else’s medical care has nothing to do with their personal life. When you go to the doctor the doctor should not deny you medical care for a physical problem and then try to invade your personal space in an invasive and abusive way. Or hurt your body and then say there is something wrong with your mind, when they know the problem is physical. To try to make you understand Claire and Mitchell, this would be like if you went to the doctor and the doctor broke your arm on purpose, and then denied you any medical care for your broken arm until harm came to the broken arm through infection and not being set correctly. Not only did the doctor do this but then he would try to invade your personal space, maybe talking about your personal relationships and saying inappropriate things and abusive things about your personal relationships. Or saying that you are crazy because you cry in pain or so forth from your physical malady. This is actually torture. To deny someone medical care and then abuse them in other ways and through the denial of the medical care. I am in a lot of pain right now. The pain in my body is being intentionally inflicted. This is because my body is not put together correctly and I am being denied medical care and continue to be denied medical care. Maybe they are going to put me back together, I don’t know. However, whatever they do, they have already inflicted terrible damage to my physical body through years of physical abuse, and that is just the physical abuse. There are all kinds of other abuses as well. Like when I start to undress by my bed in the dormitory and the building alarm goes off and we all have to go outside and stand in the parking lot while the fire trucks come. These people think it is funny to sexually, mentally, and emotionally abuse me like this. They watch me in the bathroom and everywhere else as well. This is what I want you to do about this and I am going to keep telling you this. Because I actually do have rights but these people have violated my rights over and over again for years and years. I don’t know that they are ever really going to stop. I want you and Mithcell to go to a civil rights attorney now or when you are adults, and I will keep telling you this. Unless my life changes drastically for the better very soon, and even if it did these people have inflicted so much personal damage on all of our lives, I am very angry, especially for what this has cost you and Mitchell emotionally, spiritually and financially. They have hurt me so much, and continue to try to not let me function normally. Any relationship I have is threatened because they won’t stay out of my personal space with their terrible nasty abuse, mind games, and by not allowing me to function as I should be able to. I want you and Mitchell to sue these people (the State) for everything they have taken from you. Financially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and many other ways by inflicting damage on your mother. I will probably not be here anymore by the time this happens, if I am still alive, because I can have no life here. I am not allowed.They deny me medical care, employment, peace of mind, security, the ability to achieve, my health, rights and benefits, sound relationships, creditability and so much more. They attack my character, and abuse me sexually, physically, mentally and many other ways. They try to run my life, they tell me I cannot believe in God, they abuse me over things in my past that I cannot change, etc… This is a sport to these sick people. This is what they call it. They call it a sport to follow me around, hunt me, hurt me, demean me, and harrass me. They have stolen thousands of dollars from you and Mitchell by hurting me physically, (unnecessary medical bills), and by denying me the right to function (denied income). They have stolen thousand of dollars from your futures with their abuse, and continue to do so. I am very angry, I have been punished and tortured thirteen years now, and I have done nothing to deserve the terrible abuse I have been put through. No one deserves to be tortured period. Torture is immoral and wrong. I am in terrible pain right now and it is not necessary, it is being inflicted on purpose and very intentionally. I want these people to take notice of what their invasive abusive animalistic behavior is costing you and Mitchell. I can be empowered and healthy anywhere. I have been abused everywhere (by the State). When people attack your mother they hurt you. When they keep me ill and unempowered, they hurt you. I want you to hold these people accountable for their behavior and put a stop to it. You and Mitchell have CIVIL RIGHTS. The damage these people inflict on me, hurts you. I have CIVIL RIGHTS TOO, but they continue to deny me my rights and lie about it. They won’t stop hurting me. They make me live in pain and misery on purpose. They are very selfish people who see me not as a human being but as a target to inflict their abuse upon, and they do not care who they hurt in the process. The most important people to me in the world are you and Mitchell. I get very angry at their selfish dirty abuse and lies because it does terrible injustice and damage to you and Mitchell. They are killing your mother through denial of proper medical care. So this ends up making me a burden on society, others and you in the long run. They deny me the right to function in the workworld as other people do, they deny me employment and respect, so therefore I cannot give to you financially nor can I take care of myself. They have made me destitute on purpose. This needs to stop, you and Mitchell have rights. They are taking from you both. There are many other kinds of abuse that they put me through on a daily basis. They invade my personal space constantly and many of them are very nasty and abusive. They listen to my phone calls, read my mail, follow me where I go, and abuse me at my jobs. They have invaded my private life until I am afraid to have a private life, so I have just given up. I have no real friends, because most of the people that surround me think that it is alright for the authorities, police, doctors, and others to treat me the way they do. And any personal relationship I have they invade and abuse me with it. So I just don’t have relationships anymore. I am not allowed to be human. They have taken my humanity away. They will not allow me to function as a normal human being. They have created enormous problems for me. My health, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Medical and other unfair bills. Harrassment. Threats. Mind torture. They mock and disrespect me constantly. They constantly try to make me feel that I deserve their abuse. They tell me that if I want medical care I will have to sleep with someone ( work for it). They are very nasty. I want the abuse to stop. I want my health to be given back to me, no one ever had the right to take it in the first place, and I want to be empowered. I want them to stop abusing me at my jobs. I want people to stop violating my civil rights and yours. I need to be healthy and empowered not only for myself but for you as well, and such is your right. You have the right to healthy and empowered mother and when people deny you this, they are denying you what is rightfully yours. They are violating your civil rights. And they continue to do so, you deserve retribution. You deserve retribution for the damage that has already been inflicted over the past thirteen years. Thirteen years is a long time, it is Mitchell’s whole life span. This is how long I have been kept in misery on purpose, bound and torturned by these people. This is a game to these people (the police, doctors, and others). They do not care if in the process of hurting me, they hurt you. You deserve to hold these people accountable, and you deserve retribution. I want to be able to give to my children’s future and nourish their needs. You deserve this. I cannot do this as long as I am being kept down. I am tired now. There is no way I could ever convey to you the years of torture that I have been put through. It would take thousands of pages of writing to even start. But Claire did ask me, “what do they do to you mommy,” and this is my attempt to try to make both of you understand a little of what it is they actually do to me, and what it is costing all of us. I love you forever and always. Mommy 05-26-2007.

I wrote this letter over a year and a half ago, nothing has changed. They have had many years to actually heal the problem that they have left in my body, and they purposefully have not. I try to reason with these predators but they do not care, their objective is to abuse me. If they keep me from being healthy and productive, then my children gain nothing and I can’t do the right thing, or any right thing. I do not care to stay here in America where other people are provided health care and employment, yet I am denied, and then it is lied about, however my children certainly do not deserve to have to lose their mother because I am being kept in this cage and I have to go to a foreign country to be treated fairly. I am not being allowed to do the right thing for my children or myself. When I was first placed in this place that is really a prison, they gave me a certificate that said I qualified for 100% free hospitalization and 50% off of medical services because I was homeless, ill, and without income. I had to give them all of my tax information to qualify for this. I waited here, very ill, for them to honor this, but they did not. They let the infection in my body spread up into my abdomen, internal organs and then up and into my head. Sores developed on the back of my head where the infection seeped out. Sores developed on other parts of my body as well, my face, my legs, my buttocks, and my side and hips. They just played games, very disrespectful games, and they made it obvious that they had no intention of honoring this certificate if I did not sleep with someone. They were connecting my medical care and health to a personal sexual relationship. They have made me sit here and beg for medical care, while they have ignored me and left an infection to spread in my body. They have taunted me by providing medical care to others and racing ambulances by. The truth is they do whatever they want. The truth is that they care nothing for me and they certainly do not care for my children or the impact this all has on them. A year and one half has gone by since I wrote this letter to my children and nothing has changed. I am in terrible pain and they will not even make an appointment for me or provide medicine for me for the infection. They are keeping me in a horrible vile cage of pain, misery and control and they lie about it. They deny me medical care and they threaten to throw me out in the street ill. They tell me that if I don’t sleep with someone then they are going to throw me out. They hide behind games and lies, - “I need to speak to Deirdre about housing”, (we all know what housing actually means, and it is not housing that I need, it is medical care),…and they acuse me of things that I am not guility of or have not done, they simply outright lie, manipulate and do as they please at my expense, and the expense of my children and anyone else I love.

When the police and others first instigated me coming to this place over a year and a half ago, it was because they have kept me powerless and ill, therefore I cannot provide for myself, they made this happen. They have made many bad things happen to me. They have harassed me (sexually, mentally, emotionally, and financially), given me unfair traffic tickets, fired me from my jobs, made me homeless so that I had to live in my vehicle for over a year, destroyed my credit and employment history, taken my vehicle (which they or others towed and damaged many times), made me extremely vulnerable by manipulating me into bad positions over and over (just as they threaten to throw me out into the street now while the inside of my body is tremendously ill because they deny me medical care on purpose). They have denied me medical care over and over and have viciously harassed me at every job I have had, that was for the five years previous to coming to this place. They have made it impossible for me to take care of myself and now they have imprisoned me in this place. They watch me in all my personal spaces, including the bathroom. Ever since I have been here I have been very ill and I have asked for medical care over and over again. The never provide medical care and in fact they have taunted me endlessly, every day, with very insulting abusive mind games. They call me a toilet and many other things. This is supposed to be a place where they help people, they call it transitional housing (we all know what transitional housing really means too), but the truth is they have helped me with none of the problems that they have created, and they have created overwhelming, overwhelming problems for me. They are simply holding me here, like a holding pen, while they taunt me and tell me to go shopping, to get on board, to sell my wares, and etc… while they do not address the real issues in my life and in my children’s lives like the need for medical care, employent, identification, medicine for the infection in my body, and other basic needs. Now they are threatening to throw me out into the street ill, after I have waited a year and a half for them to honor their promises of health care, and social insurance so that I can have an income. They try to attach inappropriate strings to these things, anything that for another person would be a right to have for me comes with some inappropriate string attached to it (pertaining to relationships or other facets of my life), or inappropriate and unwarranted and controlling conditions. They are despicable people that have no shame. They are ruining my life and hurting my children. Why should I stay here when I can not function normally, and why should my children have to pay this horrible price (to lose their mother due to never-ending injustice)? I am made to live in terrible pain, and I am denied health care. I am jerryrigged inside of my body, until I sleep with a man, this is the PLAIN TRUTH.They are torturing me. While everyone thinks this is funny to treat me this way and lie about it, with no concern that they are treating me like a whore in front of my children. My body belongs to me! And it has been kept from me now for thirteen years on purpose. Where is everyone’s decency? When I finally realize that I can be nothing for my children because I am not being allowed, and that the police, doctors and others always intend on treating me badly, denying me medicine, and treating me like a whore, and lying about it, then what shall I have to explain to my children…it is all right here on this page in black and white. I am ill and they refuse to heal me. There is always a reason or lie why, but the truth is they are abusing me. I and my children pay endlessly… I want justice for myself and my children. Now, no more tomorrows or if I sleep with someone.

Now I have been told they are going to throw me out in the street ill and provide no medical care for me or any other kind of aid.




Joined February 2008

  • Artist

Artist's Description

Political abuse, fear and intimidation.

Matthew 10:39
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

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