FOR MARLO, THESE ARE MOMENTS IN MY LIFE WHEN BRAIN FUNCTION WAS MINIMAL IF AT ALL...NEED I SAY MORE?

Okay Marlo – Marlo has asked for us to write down our most embarrassing moments…

I was thinking, it is hard because I have done many embarrassing things in my life.

I have had a lot of embarrassing moments in my life, and usually you shouldn’t admit these things because somehow or another they will come back to haunt you. However the good thing about freely admitting them is that no one can blackmail you about them because it is already out in the open.

There was the time when I was about twenty that I made love to my boyfriend on the beach in the sand in Hawaii (in a very secluded spot), and afterwards we crawled around in the sand for half an hour looking for my bikini bottoms, needless to say we never found them. It could have been because we were both slightly drunk. He had to loan me his shirt to cover up my bottom half.

Then there was the time when I was in the seventh grade and a boy in school I liked invited me over to his house when his parents weren’t home. He got into his parents liquor cabinet and we got drunk. Then his parents came home. He was freaked out and so was I. So he hid me in his closet. Well his parents were immediately suspicious of everything, I think he looked as drunk as I was. His mom came into his room and found me in the closet. Talk about embarrassing! What a special moment.

I worked at a major department store in the clothing department and we frequently had to go back in the stock room and get clothing for customers. Sometimes I would just go back there and hide to take a short little break and I would adjust my pantyhose. I don’t know how many people out there know about elephant legs, but that is what we used to call them, when your pantyhose would start falling down and accumulating around your ankles. This usually happened to me because I worked so hard, running around and doing a lot of bending over and stuff because I was bringing clothes out to people and making displays of folded and stacked clothes. Well anyway, I would get really tired and go back into the stock room and take a few minutes to unwind. Many times I would adjust my pantyhose. Which usually involved pulling my skirt up above my waist, and then grabbing my stockings on one leg and then the other and slowly adjusting them up. So in other words, if anyone was watching they could see me with no skirt, standing there in my pantyhose and underwear, doing this weird little jiggle and pulling everything up to get my pantyhose back into place. Well I never realized that the stock room was monitored for theft purposes, and I actually had an audience. The security guys. I always wondered why they had those weird little smirks on their faces when I talked to them. I finally figured it out. Boy, was I embarrassed.

There was the time in Hawaii, again when I about twenty, that I got drunk with two male friends at a bikini show at a bar. We were drinking tequila, and I got so drunk that when one of the beautiful girls came walking down the stage towards us, I got up on our table and shouted “My breasts are bigger than hers!” Well, it was a really rowdy bar, so everyone thought this was funny, and I obviously was totally wasted. I think I did embarrass my friends though, and I ended up taking off by myself. I was really drunk and they should never have let me go off by myself. I remember taking this crazy walk on the beach and then I went walking out on the rocks where you were not supposed to. There were big signs posted everywhere not to go out on the rocks. I was drunk, drunk, drunk! The next day I woke up on the beach with a crowd of people standing around me and staring down at me, and they were saying things like “Is she okay?” and "Is she dead?’’ Nothing could be more bizarre and embarrassing than that.

Then there was the time I was with my husband and his best friend. It was the fourth of July, and we had some of those small little pop firecrackers. We were parked outside of a grocery store, and for some reason they thought it was funny to dare me to go into the store and throw the firecrackers to freak people out. Obviously we were all a little drunk. And I did, I ran in like a bandit and threw them on the ground and ran out. The looks on peoples faces were really bizarre and priceless. I felt like I had just robbed a bank or something. Then we made our get away.

And lastly, for your entertainment this is back in the days when I was really gutsy and dumb, now I am just dumb. I would never dream of doing this now, and I am totally embarrassed to admit I ever did it. My husband invited me to take a short flight to be with him where he was working. I wanted to go be with him, but I didn’t want to leave my puppy. He had his shots but they told me when I got my ticket I had to get a certificate for him to fly. I didn’t have the time to do this and I didn’t want to spend the fifty bucks. I was totally crazy to do this, and I can’t believe now to this day that I did it. I have no idea what was going through my head. I guess nothing, it was a dumb thing to do. But I took him and stuck him under my sweater, then I went through the security thing and I got on the plane. He was really good and slept the whole way. There was a couple of instances when he woke up, and one time he barked. I froze in my seat. I felt like the whole plane of people were looking at me. No one said anything but I think a few people suspected, or either they would have to think that is one weird sounding baby. I never got caught, and I still can’t believe I did it.

Is this enough material to use against me for the rest of my life or do you need more? Of course no one will want to admit to being my friend or associate now, and I will have to live the rest of my life in embarrassing misery all alone – Smiles from Jane:-) Also I can probably add having the nerve to do this to one of my most embarrassing moments now!

JANE Á PARIS

Copyright ©2008 JANE Á PARIS

FOR MARLO, THESE ARE MOMENTS IN MY LIFE WHEN BRAIN FUNCTION WAS MINIMAL IF AT ALL...NEED I SAY MORE?

JaneAParis

Joined February 2008

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These are moments in my life when brain function was minimal if at all…need I say more?

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