JaneAParis

Joined February 2008

I have a deep love for expressionism – ‘Expressionistic artist sought to develop pictorial forms which would express their innermost...

Email to Claire

Hi Claire: It is mommy. I hope to hear from you soon. I am not feeling well today as always. Actually I am feeling very bad. I have a hard time even painting and you know how much I love painting. I decided to send you one example of the abuse I am subjected to every day, the mind games. I could write you a whole encyclopedia set, but for now we will keep it simple mostly because I do not feel good enough even to sit here at the computer and type this to you.

The people (the police) who keep me in this place refer to my body as a building, that is because they have made it a building by not finishing it, leaving a hole in by body intentionally. They have trapped me in this building by not giving me health care, something I need not want. They try to force me into relationships to finish the building, (my body). They refuse to restore my health. They use the bathrooms to torture me with mind games. They say things like they have to use the toilet and then they look at me. That is just one example, they do all kinds of stuff with the rooms - the kitchen, the bathrooms, and the fixtures of the building all the time to demean and degrade me. Like when I first came here and they put me in a bed under a plumbing fixture that had red paint smeared all over it (like blood). They think they can do anything to me and they do. They constantly threaten me and make me live in pain. They constantly play mind games. They took the door off the bathroom yesterday and then one of the people who works here waited until I was eating my food on the stairs (they use food and eating all the time too, because eating refers to the infection in my body)- and he came over with another guy and started telling him how he wanted him to SCREW the door. He said just take it out and SCREW IT. It is very hard to prove they are doing these things on purpose because they are always indirect and cowardly, (anyone with courage would just be direct, but they are doing them on purpose and they do everyday). They always play these kind of demeaning games. How do you think this effects me as a human being? How do you think it impacts you to have them constantly sexually demeaning me and making me live in fear like this? Do you think this has an impact on you as a person as well? The answer is yes, everything they do to hurt and demean me, hurts you. As I write this the infection in my abdomen swirls around in pain. I can feel the bacteria crawling around in me eating at my insides. Would you treat your dog like this? No, of course not. That is my example for today of what I have to endure every day over and over endlessly.

I want to talk to you about normal things like how you are doing in school, how you are feeling, what is going on in your life and etc…but is very hard for me because of what I have to endure by the nasty people who think it is a game to torture me. They do not care about you Claire, or Mitchell, or they would not endlessly abuse me. Like the guy standing by the nurses station the other day that said loudly as I walked by that he got a job at the DOLLAR store. This was an insult to me as are all of their other daily insults. I am so ill, but this alone is not enough for them, they have to constantly keep at me with the mental insults. And this has hurt me as well. It has made me afraid and changed my personality and actions. I am not the same person that I was thirteen years ago. I used to be so loving and trusting—-

Please write to me soon, because I do want to know about how are doing, and how school is going, and etc…and I also want to know what you think about the examples I am going to send you every day of my life and the way these people treat me, and the impact it has on me, you and Mitchell, and anyone else I might choose to love in the future. They are very shameful people.

I love you both very much. I am going to go now. I miss you and Mitchell very much. Love forever and Always. Mommy.

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