Joined February 2008

I have a deep love for expressionism – ‘Expressionistic artist sought to develop pictorial forms which would express their innermost...

Conscientious Objector

I am so angry
Why have I had to endure such hatred and abuse
There are many people similar to me, with the same politics, religious ideas, human issues, and etc…
That have never been tortured as I have been endlessly tortured and made to live in fear, why me?
For me it has never ended, the taunts, the exclusion, the hatred, the powerlessness, the victimization…
I was reading about famous concientious objectors, and I just became so angry…no one tortured them.
No one raped them, no one left their bodies ill with infection, no one terrorized them and constantly threatened them, no one sexually abused them neverendingly, no one told them they were nothing but a fuck, no one denied them their children, no one told them they were a bad person, no one denied them GOD or the right to belong to community, friends, and family, no one made them live in fear in their own homeland until they had to leave out of fear and because of denial of medical care, no one kept them powerless for years and years and years on purpose…why me?
They served a year in a civilian work camp, or registered at some government registration office as a conscientous objector, or worked in a park or state institution and then that was it. No one cut them on the inside of their bodies on purpose. No one left an infection in their body for years on purpose. No one made them take care of their children while being physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually abused. And many other ways as well. No one put GPS on their car and followed them everywhere they went and harrassed them without mercy. No one terrorized them and abused them endlessly and told them they deserved it forever and they had no rights forever…why me?
There are many famous conscientous objectors…most of them men…no one tortured them. Why do the police and all these other people think that they have the right to torture me and make me live in fear endlessly? I do not understand. I have been kept in terrible fear, raped and controlled for years…why me? They didn’t do that to these men. Ofcourse I am a woman, and it is easier to violate a woman. I have been held in endless domination by doctors who have denied me my health, and the police who have denied me personal freedoms, and employment. And all of the people who have told me over and over again that I am nothing and that I don’t count…They have made me afraid to be human, I don’t really live anymore…
It is hard to contain the anger I feel…at the neverending hatred and abuse I have had to endure at the hands of many, many, many unthinking and thoughtless and simply abusive people.
And yes, there are such things as government conspiracies and cover-ups, I know all to well the power of the police, state, and government.
I am very angry…
Please help me to find justice, medical care, fair and decent employment, and an acceptance in society that is not only long over due for me, but that my children deserve as well. Please help me to get the bullies off. I need social justice and I need healing. I have been made to endure endless hell, and it still has not ended. I am very ill right now, and I am being denied medical care on purpose.

Journal Comments

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