It’s 4:30 in the morning and I’m awake… I can’t sleep and I can’t wake Sarah, even though this is all about her… That’s the problem I think, it’s always all about her…

We fight and it’s never about what I want, need. It’s that I’m doing this wrong, that she’s feeling this way. She needs, she wants. She wants, she needs. So do I, but I don’t have a voice.

There is a lack of respect. Mine for her independence? Hers for my feelings? Maybe both, I don’t know.

No! This is not selfish. This is me putting my heart on the line. Feeling that I have something special but worrying I have nothing at all.

I don’t know where she goes at night when she’s safely tucked up in my arms. She just lies there without emotion, without feeling for me. I know she’s thinking, thinking about him and all the things he can give her that I cannot. The freedom, the adventure, the pride in achieving something without me, but all I want is to be there for her through that. Not to take something from her but to live through it with her, to be close to her, to achieve with her, to share our lives. That’s all I want. To be as important in her life as she is in mine.

Can I ask for this? More importantly, can she give it to me? If she can’t, I will leave. I should leave. I may leave.

I’ve thought about this at length, perhaps too much but I will grow with this. I will learn from this. But I think with my heart and not with my head so no amount of learning will save me from myself, herself, next time.



Joined June 2008

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Artist's Description

A situational observation

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  • Dan A'Vard
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