Ink and musical partition on paper
This image emerged from a personal experience. I was feeling very vulnerable the other day, when I visited a friend whom I had not seen for about one year. It was just a harmless meeting, chatting over coffee and cookies at her home in company of her sons. It became a great horror for me when she started describing in great detail the last days of her mother’s life, who died a couple of months ago. The last meetings, the last words, the last breaths, the feelings of both, the regrets, the conclusions. A very honest, very sad story. Because I am a little more sensible than normal, the story affected me too much and the whole description started breaking me down into pieces. Which I wanted to prevent, by controlling not necessarily my feelings but rather their expression. It is not such a close friend, that is why I did not wish to show any kind of exaggerated feelings, but I was already extremely vulnerable and feeling the threat of a hot burst of sadness coming out, together with screaming and tears. I would have loved to fly away but instead I tried to think of happy moments or distract myself from the conversation or think of relaxing landscapes and musics. What really worked was imagining myself inside a big yellow tulip, protected by the smooth, closed petals of the flower and filled with new energy through the intense yellow colour. On the table, in front of me, there was a vase with yellow tulip-like flowers. I kept looking at them. This was the image I kept constructing in my mind in order to stay calm, while the lady was telling her story. After all we have the right to choose to whom we show our inner self and how often and for what reasons we let ourselves break down.
Ever since I have been haunted by this image of a woman protected inside this big yellow tulip, so I drew it today. I chose to symbolize the refused input with an upside-down musical partition.
This goes together with:
|He listens throught her, |
she plays through him
by Ina Mar
|Bound to music, bound together, |
in the freedom love brings
by Ina Mar