My personal 2013 sketchbook project and unfiltered thoughts

Two weeks ago, I started a sketchbook project that should end together with the year. I bought a 40-page sketchbook and engaged myself to paint one sketchbook page per day until the last day of the year and sell the paintings for 14€ / 19$ including international shipping. There will be 40 little mixed media works, using pencils, watercolours, acrylics, inks, vintage or weathered book pages, vintage or created doll parts, perhaps coffee and red wine, and eventually other materials I have not planned yet…

There were several personal reasons for this project… During the last year, I have painted very little. I lost my motivation to paint in a regular basis, like I used to. Admiring my favorite artists’ work in the RedBubble community, I rediscover every day how poor my technique is, how meagre my imagination, how little I like my art. At one point I decided not to paint any more until I have found the means inside me to paint better, until I have found new expression means, new lines, new forms, new themes, my own lines, my own forms, my own themes. I haven’t yet…

I have the blessing and curse to have studied the history of arts and to have visited many major museums, to have cherished art, to have adored art, and to possess an eye for its analysis. When I wish to paint something, I often stop before even starting, because I realize that this or the other idea has already been used by another artist – and I despise copy. So I often stop myself from painting if I am not sure that I am going to create something „new“ (in relation to what I have painted and in relation to what others have painted) or to paint an image that “means something”. I so often gaze at the blank paper and think too much before I paint – as a result the paper stays blank.

Sometimes I don’t stop myself, and this resulted to all humble and simple images that I have painted until now, but which is not really what I would have wished me to paint – but anyway. Even if I like my artworks for the days following their creation (otherwise I wouldn’t have created them), I start hating them very, very soon. One day last year, I wished not to create any more unsuccessful and ugly images so I don’t have to carry them in my mind and in my soul any more. These created images feeled like a heavy burden, all these ugly images that I don’t like and that so very few people appreciate.

So this fear to paint rubbish comes from my wish to do something good, wonderful and important, something new in art, perhaps to revisit but without copying, perhaps to be imperfect but at least complete. I mostly resign myself to the fact that I am nobody more wonderful or more important than anybody else, so I will not be able to create anything exceptionally new, and I accept that there are millions of people in this world, and millions of artists creating, and that most of us are a wave in an ocean, that rises and glides up again in a matter of seconds. Changing the world and helping art evolve is greater people’s task and I will not be able to accomplish such things.

After all, who cares if I create rubbish? Who is affected? Nobody gets any damage and nobody even has the time to care, everybody is busy with their own lives and their own art and their own problems – the only damage caused is my lost time and time stolen from my family and my friends. When I accept all that, either I just don’t bother creating more stuff or I am able to create for the sake of creating and for the handful of people who like my art. This time it’s the latter: I am able to create, nothing great, nothing beautiful, nothing new, just the same old crap, and especially thanks to the motivation by some friends and artists who follow my sketchbook activity, comment and support me.

My first sketchook project in 2012 taught me that a sketchbook is like a short trip without plans. Even if you define a destination, it will not necessarily be the one you reach. That is why I chose to restart a sketchbook project. Each page brings me nearer to something unknown. The technique evolves inside the sketchbook, the themes change and evolve; it is an inner journey too: I change and evolve. I don’t know where this sketchbook journey will take me to, but I appreciate you following it and supporting my return to painting.

Even though I am still not sure it was a good idea to restart creating.

Links:
- Follow the project on Facebook
- My etsy shop


Your holy tears
by Ina Mar

The beauty of your imperfections
by Ina Mar

The model's chair after a painting session
by Ina Mar

Le jardin du peintre
by Ina Mar

Original not available

Intruding into her music
by Ina Mar

Man and violin
by Ina Mar

Federico García Lorca – Bodas de sangre (Blood Wedding)
by Ina Mar

Original sold

The Strangers
by Ina Mar

Worn out soul (Woman and tambouras)
by Ina Mar

Il faut se faire des caresses sinon la vie serait trop dure I
by Ina Mar

Original sold

Il faut se faire des caresses sinon la vie serait trop dure II
by Ina Mar

Homosexuel
by Ina Mar

Love and music inseparable
by Ina Mar

Friendship
by Ina Mar

His feet
by Ina Mar

Play with me
by Ina Mar

Original sold

Poverty and Love
by Ina Mar

The lovers under the olive tree
by Ina Mar

Original sold

Forever Lovers
by Ina Mar

Soul intrudors
by Ina Mar

Silences
by Ina Mar

His scent on my random thoughts
by Ina Mar

Original sold

Chloe
by Ina Mar

Daphnis
by Ina Mar

Carry me on
by Ina Mar

Abyss
by Ina Mar

Don't leave your soul on my painting table
by Ina Mar

The Saints in Hell
by Ina Mar

Original sold

Satie Gymnopédie 1 lent et douloureux
by Ina Mar

Original sold

Our prison our freedom
by Ina Mar

Without Within
by Ina Mar

Mary in the meadow with flowers
by Ina Mar

Original sold

Two pregnant women
by Ina Mar

Original sold

The Birth
by Ina Mar

Original sold

The three travelers
by Ina Mar

Original sold

Our death our life we
by Ina Mar

We Beyond
by Ina Mar

Almost Lovers
by Ina Mar

I keep searching for your traces
by Ina Mar

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