Story

Life isn’t always great. It can get to you sometimes. It can suck at times. But at other times it can be okay. Sometimes even great. Here’s the life story I lived through.

So okay, I’ll just get down to the basics. I am 16 years old. Both of my parents are still alive. They are just not together anymore. We are a family with 5 children, 2 brothers and 2 sisters. I’ll tell you about them a little later.
Ok ok.. that stuff isn’t important. My life started with a suicide attempt and ended… well it hasn’t ended yet, so I’m not sure were it ends. So I’ll just let you know who everybody is and then jump right into it. No little introductions or anything.
My oldest brothers’ name is Dylan. He would be 20 years old. My oldest sisters’ name is Kim. She would be about 20 years old; her birthday is coming up soon. The next one would be Jenny who is 18. Then my next oldest [favorite] brother, Lucas, who is a year older then me. My name is Madison, or Maddie. That’s my family. The only family I have. Besides my mother, who doesn’t really have anything to do with us, anymore. Oh and then my father, who likes to drink and then sometimes hit me.
He hits me because he knows that I won’t even try and stop him. Lucas doesn’t know. He’s the only one that lives in the house with me. He says he won’t leave until we both can go to college. I told him the he has too. I also told him that it doesn’t happen that much. I have only ever lied to him about two things, well actually three things. Once about my father and the hitting, then about the suicide attempt, and then with the cutting…
Guess I didn’t say anything about that in the first few paragraphs. He knows about it, but he thinks that I have stopped. And I am not about to tell him different.
So anyways, I have a boyfriend. Who I love to death but he also doesn’t know about the cutting. I can’t really tell him. He knows about the attempt because I put him through it but that’s all he knows.
[About him… His name is Chase. He is about 6 feet tall and is really muscular. He has brown hair and dark eyes. He has a great personality and he can be really funny. He has always been there for me and I wouldn’t be here without him. He hates it when I steal his clothes]
Let’s get into it now.

Chapter 1

“Maddie, Chase is here.” Lucas yelled up to me.
“Tell him to come up.” That might work.
Lucas doesn’t really like when I have guys up in my room by myself. He’s over protective.
I heard footsteps. Great, two sets of footsteps.
“Hey,” I said, as Chase walked in the room.
I got up and gave him a kiss.
“Luke, do you think I could maybe, oh you know, talk to my boyfriend without my brother listening to every word?” I asked him, making the last part sound as bitchy as possible.
“Uh… no,” he said sarcastically.
“Lucas. Go. Now.”
He walked out.
“Hey babe,” Chase said, kissing me.
I pulled away. “What are we doing tonight?”
“I was going to go out with the guys.”
“Oh, that’s what the kissing is for.”
“No, it’s just… Well I don’t know if you had anything planned or not,” he said.
“It’s okay. I guess I can go out with the girls tonight. Or maybe just hang here.”
“I don’t want you staying here without Lucas.”
“Ok, I am not a baby. And why can’t I?”
“You know why.”
“It only happens like once a month,” I lied.
“Do not lie for that ass.”
“Chase, stop. He doesn’t hit me every time he drinks. Ok?” I asked.
“Fine,” he said.
I really hate lying to them but what else can I do? Tell the truth? That is out of the picture. If he knew how many bruises I have because of him, he would go crazy. Same with Lucas. I just can’t let my dad get into trouble. He doesn’t mean to hit me, it’s just… Since the divorce, things haven’t been the same. She shouldn’t have left him, she’s a bitch and can go to hell for all I care.
“You can stay here, but I am going to talk to Luke about this. Why else wouldn’t you want to wear short sleeved shirts or anything?” He asked.
“I don’t know, because maybe I’m cold?”
“You aren’t cold.”
“Fine, go talk to Luke, I don’t care.”
He walked out of the room. Yay!!! Now he’s going to think that I have started to cut, when I don’t want him to know. This sucks.
Ten minutes later, Luke walks in.
“I can’t go through this again.”
“Go through what?” I asked.
“Cutting.”
“What
“You know exactly what I mean,” he said.
“No I don’t. I stopped, remember?”
“Yea, you said that you would try.”
“And I did,” I said.
“Try or stop?”
“What do you think?”
“I really don’t know. You have been wearing long shirts a lot lately. What’s up with that?”
“I don’t know. I get really cold and I want to wear them. I feel like a slut. And you can still see some scars.”
“Fine, then show me your arms.”
“No. Why can’t you just believe me?”
“Because you’re a bad liar.”
“Look, it’s none of your business. Just go out with your friends tonight and have a good time. Got me?”
“No I don’t and I won’t.”
“Fine, stay here. I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.”
“Just tell me that you are trying to stop.”
“I can’t because I am tired of lying.”
“What?
What else have you lied about?” He asked, sounding worried.
“I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“I do!” He said.
“Michael, look. I can’t talk about it. Not yet anyway…”
“Well when? Because we are going to talk about it.”
“I don’t know. I just know that I’m not ready, yet. Just go out with Chase and the guys and have fun.”
“Fine, I will but that means that we will talk about this and soon,” he said and walked out the door.
Well that wasn’t to hard. I just hate not telling him this. I wish I could but I can’t. What would he think? The last time I told him, well I didn’t actually tell him, he sorta saw my arm. But he almost started crying and he blamed himself, which made me cry.
“Maddie,” Chase said walking in my room.
“Hey,” I said.
“Well we are gonna get going now,” he said.
“”Ok, don’t forget to have fun,” I said with a smile.
He started to walk out.
“Ah, hello?”
“What?”
“No kiss or anything?”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
He walked up to me and kissed me.
“See ya later,” I said.
“Bye.”
“Maddie, Dad wants you,” Michael yelled up to me.
Great, wonder what he wants now. I ran downstairs.
“Yea Dad?” I asked.
“I want this house clean when I get home.”
“Where are you going?”
“Out,” he said and walked out the door.
“Oh my fucking God, I hate him.”
“Maddie, don’t clean, you don’t have too.” Michael said.
“Yea I do or else…” I didn’t finish.
“Or else what?” Chase asked.
“Nothing, look you guys go. I’ll clean the house, ok?”
“Fine, but you call me if he comes home before we get here, ok?” Michael said.
“Yea, I will, I promise.”
“Ok, see you later.”
And they left.
I don’t understand why my dad hurts me so much. What did I do? Was it my fault that they got a divorce? It feels like it is. But things are different when he is drunk and hits me. It’s like he actually knows I’m there. When he isn’t, it’s like I’m not actually there. I hate cleaning; it gives me time to think about things, things that I don’t think I should be thinking about.
Ring
Shit! Where’s the phone?!?
“Hello?”
“Hey, what’s up girl?”
“Hey, Alex. I’m just cleaning.”
“Bore… How about me and a couple of friends come over and we get the party started?”
“Ah, no. I told you I ain’t getting caught up in that shit again.”
“Oh boo you whore.” I heard Chris yell in the background.
“Ha fricken ha, Chris. Look, if Michael or my Dad were to find out, they would both kill me.”
“Fine, we’ll just come over and pick you up, ok?” Chris said.
“Fine, but I won’t make out with you.”
“What the hell? Why not?”
“Umm… Because of Chase, he might kick your ass.”
“Hell, that boy is so slow,” Chris said.
“Ok, that’s my boyfriend, dumb ass,” I said.
“Yea and your point is?”
“He’s my boyfriend, that’s my point.”
“Yea ok.”
“Look, just get your ass outside, we’re here,” Megan yelled.
Holy shit, I wonder how many people are with.
I walk outside. Well there’s two cars and there’s about ten people.
“Are you guys crazy?” I asked.
“HELL YEA!!” Somebody yelled.
“I can’t go with. You guys are for surely going to get pulled over and my dad would kill me.”
“Pussy!!”
“Chris, that’s a nice way to get a girl to makeout with you.”
“Fine, I’ll come in the house and make you!!”
Oh shit, he’s actually coming. And everybody else is leaving, one with his car. Shit!
“Chris, you gotta go.”
“Why??”
“Because Chase is going to be here in about 20 minutes.”
“That’s enough time for me, isn’t it for you?” He asked.
“Chris, I don’t like you like that.”
“No, you just like to act all depressed and cut yourself.”
“WHAT?”
“Yea, we all know about it. We’ve all seen the scars.”
“Dude, I don’t cut myself.’
How the hell did they find out? Michael was the only one that ever knew about it.
“Oh, then I must be really wasted.”
“You think?” I asked.
“Ok come here,” he said walking closer to me.
“Look, ah… yea. This isn’t going to happen.”
“Why not? I know you want it.”
“Chris, if I were you I would get the hell away from my girlfriend.” Chase said walking in the door.
“What? Luke, how did you get here?” Chris asked backing away from me.
“Ah… I got in Michael’s car and he drove me here and then I walked through the front door.”
“Smart ass,” I said.
He walked up to me and kissed me. Ah, so sweet.
“Show off,” Chris said.
“Yea, you’re just jealous you don’t have her.”
“Whatever, let’s get the drinking started.”
“She doesn’t drink anymore, Chris,” Michael said.
“You aren’t her boss,” Chris said.
“Yea but she did promise me.”
“Oh come on Michael, you use to be the biggest fuckin’ druggie and alcoholic. So let her have some fun,” Chris said.
“Ok, first do not talk to my brother like that. And second, if I wanted to drink, I would. But I don’t really want too. Maybe a drink here and there, but not being totally wasted. Ok?”
“Well, we are going to go upstairs and talk,” Michael said.
SHIT!?!
“Umm… No, I’m cleaning, remember?”
“Madison,” he said.
“Fine,” I said.
We went upstairs.
“Okay, tell me. Now,” he said.
“What? There’s nothing to really tell.”
“Yes there is.”
“Well what do you want to know?”
“What are you lying to me about?”
“Promise me right now that you won’t go all psychotic on me.”
“Yes I promise.”
“Okay. Well I have lied about Dad and cutting,” I said looking at the floor.
Silence.
I just sat there, wishing that he would say something but also hoping that he doesn’t say anything.
“How bad is it?” He finally asked.
I couldn’t answer him right away. It took like 3 minutes for me to answer it.
“Bad.”
“Which one?”
“Both.”
“What with Dad?”
“Well, he does hit me.”
“How often?”
“Whenever he drinks and when I don’t do what he wants me too.”
“Why didn’t you tell me a long time ago?”
“Because I was afraid that you would do something stupid.”
“What’s stopping me from doing something stupid now?”
“Well nothing but me and I had to tell you now because I can’t keep lying to you.”
“You?”
“Yes me, I won’t let you do anything.”
“Why?”
“Because you will get into trouble and it would be my fault.”
“Fine, I won’t do anything that bad.”
“Michael.”
“Fine but I am talk to him about it.”
“Ok, can I go downstairs now?”
“Nope.”
Silence, again…
“Do you want to tell me about it or what?” he asked.
“There’s nothing to tell besides that I’m a fuck up.”
“NO! You are not a fuck up, Maddie.”
“Yes I am,” I said.
“Madison, you can not honestly think that?”
“Yes I can. Michael, I know it’s true. Look at all this.”
“There’s nothing to look at. Let’s ask Chase if he thinks that you are a fuck up.”
“No. I don’t want him to know about any of this. Ok?”
“Fine but you have to tell me more about it.”
“Why!?”
“Because I want to know and understand.”

Story

Imperfection101

Joined March 2008

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