There I was just standing there.
HELLO?!?! I screamed in my head.
Say something, anything. But nothing would come.
“Maddie? Are you okay?”
What a simple question, but I couldn’t answer it.
I nodded.
“Are you going to answer me?”
I shook my head.
These are simple questions. As simple as they get and I can’t answer them.
I shrugged.
“Okay then, I’ll talk to you later.”
He walked away.
God, he walks so perfect.
Okay, let me explain. He’s a guy. I totally love him. He’s my brothers’ best friend, if guys have best friends, that is. I talked to my brother about it and he said that Sean, the guy, likes me. But Lucas, my brother, doesn’t think it would be a good idea if we date. But it’s my life and I really like him.
“Sean!!” I yelled after him.
He turned around, God he’s so cute.
“Yea?” He asked looking confused.
“Hey sorry, I totally spaced there.”
“Uh its okay. So the answer to my question?”
“Yes… But what is Lucas going to do?”
“That’s his fault.”
“How?” I asked.
“He shouldn’t have such a beautiful sister,” he said smiling.
Oh my God. I am totally blushing.
“Ah, thanks.”
“Look, I’ll talk to Lucas and see what the deal is with him, okay?”
“Umm… sure?” I said not so sure.
“Ok,” he said.
“Ok, I got to go meet my friends,” I said.
He gave me a hug and walked away.
God, he’s amazing.
So a little bit about me; I’m seventeen, and I have my driver’s license. It’s awesome, plus I have a car! I guess you could say that I’m in the “in-crowd”. But I do not put people down. I don’t make them feel less about who they are, I couldn’t do that.
I have a brother, Lucas, you knew that. My mom isn’t around anymore and my dad is just there. He usually likes to buy me off; same goes for Lucas.
My best friend name is Brooke. I love her to death. My other best friend is Sean (pronounced like Shawn), who yes I love. We all three usually do everything; I guess that’s going to change. Brooke will hopefully understand. I have other friends of course but you’ll find out more about them later on.
Well, I sorta Self-Harm myself. That sounds funny and fake. But it’s the truth. My way of Self-Harm is cutting and burning. Oh yay!! The perfect stereotype would be “Emo” of course. But just wait, remember I put that I’m in the “in-crowd”. Now, don’t judge me just because I do. Two people know and that’s enough for me. Brooke knows and Lucas knows some of it.
Now, just because I told you this does not mean that you could judge me. Judging people for what they aren’t or for them being different is what causes some people to turn to Self-Harm.
Well that’s a bit about me.
“Madison, where have you been?!?” Brooke asked loudly.
“Hey, sorry I was talking to Sean.”
“Yea, he asked me out and I said maybe. He’s going to talk to Lucas.”
“What if Lucas doesn’t care?” Lucas asked.
I turned around.
“Hey Luke, what’s up?”
“Don’t play that shit with me. I don’t want you two dating and I have told you that before.”
“Okay, first it’s my life, not yours. I will date whoever I want to.”
“Fine,” he said and walked away.
“Goddamnit, what did I do?” I asked Brooke.
“Maybe he thinks that Sean will change and I don’t know. And something.”
“Thanks, I got to go.” I walked away.
He didn’t stop.
“Please talk to me? I need you to understand.”
“Understand what? That you went behind my back?”
“What is so wrong with me and Sean dating?” I asked.
“Everything. You two are friends, and I didn’t think that I’d have to worry about this happening.”
“What happening? We have been friends for forever and I really like him. Don’t make me chose.”
“You don’t have to chose but why him?”
“Why not him? Wouldn’t he be the best choice? Somebody that you are close too? Somebody that you can talk to?” I asked.
“Yea I guess I didn’t think about it that way but what if it gets in between our friendship, our guys friendship?”
“Then we have to deal with it, if it happens.”
“Well I think I’ll have to think about it,” he said.
“There is nothing to think about, it’s my life and I want to go out with him. And I don’t want you to hate me but this is what I want.”
“Fine, I guess I’ll just have to live with it then?”
And that was that. He walked away. So did I; praying that he doesn’t hate me right now.
I am a senior this year, also!! So is Luke but he didn’t start school when he was five like most people. So we are graduating together. Luke and I have been so close and it’s amazing but it can also get annoying. I also know when something is wrong with him and the same for me.
We use to hate each other and wanted to kill each other. Now sometimes you can’t keep us apart. I love him and I worry about him all the time. He just broke up with his girlfriend of over a year and now he doesn’t think love exists. So he doesn’t see the point in me dating Sean. Which isn’t fair because I still believe in love.



Joined March 2008

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