Your love that I've lost

I’m sorry but I lost your love somewhere last weekend and I’m scared of the possibility that I cannot ever find it.

By the time I realized something was missing, I couldn’t even think of the last place I’d seen it. So I began to look, to look for your love that I’ve lost. I searched the familiar places that I could easily picture it being. I checked your house, the fort in the woods we made together, the pillows in my bedroom, underneath the thick canopy of stars atop my roof.

I asked each of my friends “Have you seen it? Have you?” and I walked through the crowds downtown, unaware of the people passing by me, intent on visualizing your love. In the process of looking for your love, I didn’t bother to call in sick at work. So I’ve also lost the job you never wanted me to have.

Less obvious places came to mind and I began obsessing over every object I saw during the day, hopeful that it lay hiding behind each. I found myself peering into corners of empty rooms, half full coffee cups, crowded bus stations. This continued until the rooms became desolate, the cups half empty, the stations infested, and your love that I’ve lost became something wicked and deceiving.

I stopped looking altogether, secretly hoping that it would sneak up to take me by surprise and I’d be all the more relived. But when it didn’t come, when it did not sneak up, I slowly began to forget what it was like, what it looked like and such. Now I would not even be able to recognize its smell if it stood before me.

Still, you are here now and I am angry over the love that you gave me and that I have lost. You are angry over the love I have lost that you gave me. I think we should take our anger out on each other. When it ends, the question will still remain: where would we put it all, all that anger we’d created together in the process of losing love?

After all this, I am convinced I shall never know.

Your love that I've lost

Celina McG

Joined April 2008

  • Artist
    Notes

Artist's Description

This was unintentionally inspired by a wonderful friendship I’ve recently ruined on accident. I began writing and realized I was actually writing to someone.

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