The Hunt for Leftovers

As the other realtors finish their meeting in the lunch room, stuffing the fridge with their leftover pizza, donuts, and cheesecake, I toss my salad into the trash. Oh how delicious! There is nothing like eating iceberg lettuce with vinegar and a tomato while the others stuff their faces with warm cheesy pizza. The story of my life!
Its time to get back to work so the happy hefty folks head back to their cubicles and open houses. I offer to stay around a bit to clean up the kitchen and to brew some coffee.
As I close the lunch room door I slowly turn around to face the fridge. Its as if I was near the rocks of Scylla being called by the Sirens of The Odyssey. The smells of cold pizza and soft cheese cake haunt my senses and a Pavlovian salivation starts to occur.
I take a step toward the fridge but immediately jump back to the door and silently shout , “No! I will not eat it!” My mind rushes with the weekly dinners of salmon and broccoli and the daily workouts of cardio kickboxing. I envision my size 6 jeans that are buried underneath my newly acquired ‘Stretch’ and ‘spandex’ pants and I hold strong in my affirmation that I am healthy and thin! But the drool for saturated fat is consuming my reasoning! It was as if I was being called up to the stage for the Price is Right as I quickly ran to open the fridge door. I felt like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Pizza slices, donuts holes and cheesecake crusts started to come alive and sing a song welcoming me to ..Munchin Land..!
I came into a trance." Oh they joy", I thought, “The colors, the tastes, the textures…gooey and cheesy, salty and sweet and all for me”! It was like Christmas day when I was 5! All the presents just waiting me for me to unwrap! I grabbed a slice or pizza, topped it with a piece of cheesecake and smashed a donut in my mouth. The pause of satisfaction lasted only about 2 seconds before I stuffed that glazed donut in my mouth in one whole bite.
Bang! I heard a noise. “Oh no! What if it was someone coming into the room?, What would they think of me if they saw me”? All their speculations would be true? They would mock me and ruin me! For I am always talking about health and exercise and I am always eating salads! My cover would be blown, my secret would be out!" My heart skipped a beat and I had a rush of fear take over me. I chawed down on that donut so fast that it was like draino going down a clean drain. I quickly shut the fridge door and with a hand full of calories, I got a bunch of napkins and stuffed all my hoarding into the white veil of disguise. I moved over to the coffee station to brew some water. I am perfectly placed so that if someone comes in the room they would never suspect I am devouring their leftovers. I stand there with an orgasmic smile and a sore jaw from chewing as the water starts to boil. I make my coffee, toss the empty white, oil soaked veil of disguise into the trash and head back to my desk. Fweew, I made a clean break, and nothing can disturb me now except my lactose intolerance.

The Hunt for Leftovers


Joined January 2008

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