Howl #2 (Sililoquoy)

Allen Ginsberg, go fuck yourself. I don’t feel good. My generation passed me by because I kept my contradictions to myself. Maybe i’m just a paranoid actor lost in a mesh of previous lifetimes, one that could never die. But everyone, now matter how loving or right, is deluded. All that seems to matter is how well you function. Perception can border on cowardly gossip because people only see what they want to see. Honorary people fall in love for reasons extensively outlined in pop music but then somehow make it through. Chameleon journalism will only get you so far. It will never let them know who you really are. If my brain wasn’t so disorganized, I could destroy any one of you. But even if I think you’re pathetic i’ll always try to be your friend. I respect you more than you do but then again I have to live with myself. And though when darkness pervades I pray for you trusting your world is not like mine, giving me hope to go on, my manufactured problems from other people’s lives confirm to me I know not how to find you through the over grown jungle of our beautiful lies. I’m tired of translating this delicate beauty in my mind, I was never that good at it anyway, simply complicating uncomplicated things. Subconsciously convinced that the plain truth just isn’t all that interesting. Wishing that there was no way in and no way out. All I can say for sure is that this sweet persecuting presence is not ANY of you, it is just the thoughts I wish that I wasn’t thinking at all. I hardly feel apart of anything anymore. It seems the only ones I agree with don’t agree with me. I don’t expect anything from anyone and talking in groups is just a matter of timing. If you ever find yourself wondering what i’m doing or where I am, that is where I want to be and i’m really not that hard to find. I hope that maybe one day you’ll come crying to me.

Howl #2 (Sililoquoy)


Kingston Heights, New Zealand

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  • Max Gatrell
  • hudson
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