The Hotbeetees Awards for 2007

Inaugural and haphazard, these Hotbeetees International Awards for 2007 are disorganised, ill conceived and pretty bloody random. There’s an Australian bias, I have to confess (a function of my place of residence).

These Awards derive from a larger list that feature many items that would not mean much to folk who do are not Australian. If you are interested in viewing the full list of Awards, they are featured on my blog, The Boomtown Rap

While the awards naturally reflect my own prejudices and tastes, being a democratic and inclusive type o bastard, I will gladly accept reader nominations and suggestions for additional awards not covered below. Just post ‘em in the Comments. And there is no particular deadline. I’ll happily keep adding to the list until such time as it kinda sorta feels too far into 2008 to be relevant.

So, let’s start with something lightweight: the 2007 Hotbeetees TV Awards – which I am proud to introduce as The HBT Bogeys!

Most disappointing new TV comedy: Extras. Ricky Gervais received justifiably extravagant accolades for The Office; Extras was worth a watch just to see where Gervais would venture after The Office – it had its moments, but was a bit patchy and overall failed to live up to great expectations.

Best TV drama: The Sopranos. What else comes close? Too bad it’s over.

Best sitcom: Desperate Housewives. Some worrying signs, though, that this one is running out of steam.

Most over-rated TV drama: Jane Eyre

Most admirably obnoxious TV personality of the year: Gordon Ramsay

TV reprobate of the year: Frank Gallagher (Shameless)

Fizzer new series of the year: the tacky, try-hard-shocking and very unfunny Californication

MISCELLANEOUS AWARDS

Most annoying Australian pop star: Delta Goodrem. Just shut up.

Most boring pop star in interviews: Kylie Minogue – has she ever said anything interesting, anywhere, to anyone?

Least deserved OBE: Kylie Minogue. Talk about the sympathy vote!

Best Aussie movie: September

Arsehole of the Year: every Perth driver – and the numbers are massive – who exhibits the selfish fuck-you attitude that has rightly made this city the brunt of derisive driver jokes nation-wide. You deadshits.

Wanker of the Year: every 4WD driver whose despotic, selfish, arrogant on-road attitude has earned them the mass contempt of other road users. May someone in power follow the suggestion of Paul Keating and tax 4WDs off metropolitan roads. Is this 4WD breed as appalling in other countries?

Corporate bastards of the year: James Hardie, for finally settling Bernie Banton’s damages claim, which they fought so hard to deny him…the day before he died. Utter pricks.

Act of corporate bastardry of the year: Fosters, for downsizing Cascade Premium Beer without notice and not lowering the price, and emptying the shelves of the larger bottles the day before making the announcement to prevent punters stocking up. Then trying to spin their way out of it. The greedy slimebags.

Most consistent all-round corporate bastards: Woolworths and Coles, for upping the prices of multiple products on their supermarket shelves with contemptible stealth and regularity, while squeezing the life out of farmers and their other suppliers by paying them peanuts – having all but cornered the market. The inevitable emergence of monopolies and duopolies is one of the great flaws of capitalism, ultimately working against the very notions of the free market and consumer choice.

PR catastrophe of the year: George Bush has had a mortgage on this award for years. Another worthy performance in 2007.

Worst decision of 2007: Benazir Bhutto returning from exile

2nd worst decision of 2007: John Howard refusing to step down a year out from the Federal election

Best decision of 2007: The Australian electorate, in getting rid of the contemptible Liberal Government

2nd best decision of 2007: Bennelong electorate, for booting Howard out on his arrogant bum to end his political career as ignominiously as he deserved.

Man of the Year: Bernie Banton (decd) – tireless campaigner to his last breath for asbestos victims who contracted diseases as a direct result of exposure to asbestos while working for James Hardie.

Woman of the Year: Aung San Sui Kui. Every bit Mandela’s equal as a people’s hero, cooped away under house arrest and all but forgotten. Why is the West not applying pressure on the appalling Burmese military? No oil in Burma, mayhap?

FUCK YOU AWARD OF 2007: To all “malevolent narcissists” (Peter Cundall’s term) – that is, psychologically undeveloped bigheads with an agenda to stoke their sense of personal power by insisting that they are ‘right’, even if that means subverting truth and attempting to disempower and ridicule – if not destroy – others who confront them with the awful possibility that they might be ‘wrong’, or even that a valid alternative perspective exists. These people typically operate out of ego, ignorance and bigotry, and are immune to learning, since they privilege their own opinions and assumptions – informed or otherwise – over those of all others, and are willing to face down incontrovertible fact in the service of preserving their god-like self-image. In essence, these narcissistic fucking bozos are incapable of distinguishing between perception (theirs) and reality. Sound like a terrorist you know?

Happy New Year

Journal Comments

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