The wonderful world of Facebook

There is a certain special place
In the world of cyberspace
Where people socialise
And unknown bands publicise
Where you can find out if you’re a pirate or a ninja
And proclaim your undying love for ABBA

A place where Rodrigo from Brazil is my friend, even though I don’t know who the hell he is… judging by his profile picture though, I would guess he’s a drag queen

A place where a poke is not frowned upon… unless you’re doing it to a complete stranger or someone you fancy and then they’re like “who are you? And why do you keep poking me?” I know what they’re trying to do, they’re just playing hard to get

A place where you try to think of a clever and meaningful status update but instead just say “OMG just saw a dog that looked like Tom Jones LOL”

A place where you can rank your friends in a top 10 and then hear them moan about how they should most definitely be in the top 3, and then you’re all like “well you said that my Backstreet boys t-shirt made me look gay, so I had to downgrade your ass to number 7”

A place where you can find out what your stripper name would be… mine was Princess Lusty hips… no comment

A place where you can send and receive super awesome imaginary gifts like a teddy bear, but you can’t cuddle it though, because… erm… it isn’t real, so really it’s pretty pointless

A place where your mum repeatedly tries to add you as a friend but you’re like “ignore!” and then she asks “why won’t you accept my friend requests??” and then you come up with some excuse like “because I’m not worthy of your friendship”

A place where you can join a group dedicated to the fabulous Lionel Richie! And discuss how fabulous he is with other Lionel fans… not that I do that… but erm you could if you… erm wanted to… just to reiterate, I don’t do this… Okay I do! I love him so much!! There I said it! Happy now?!

A place where you can display you relationship status and just feel totally depressed when yours says “single”… it’s like they’re shoving the fact that you’re single right in you face, as if they’re saying “haha you’re single! You sad little person” … you know what they should do, is display it in a fun and happy font with lots of colours, then it wouldn’t seem so bad. Oh and what’s the deal with a relationship being complicated? The plotline to “Lost” is complicated not a relationship.

A place where people seem to lose their phones incessantly and end up creating a group called “ROFL LOST PHONE ACCIDENTELY ON PURPOSE NEED NUMBERS :P LOL”

A place where your Bio might read “Hi my name is Paul, I enjoy moonlit walks on the beach and listening to soulful sounds of the Backstreet boys” and the Oxford English dictionary is listed as your favourite book

A place where you are CONSTANTLY SENT INVITATION AFTER INVITATION TO JOIN SOME STUPID GAME CALLED MAFIA WARS!!!! STOP SENDING ME INVITATIONS ARRRGHHHH!!!!!

What is this wonderful place? I hear you cry
Well I’ll tell you and sign it with a smiley emoticon
It’s called Facebook
And it’s better than sex ☺

The wonderful world of Facebook

Paul Hickson

Norwich, United Kingdom

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