In His Eyes - Chapter 4 (British Flag Edit)

College. A meeting place for like minded individuals and a hunting ground for those that like to harm. I never really enjoyed school, I was always the out spoken class clown, people thought I hid my insecurities by making people laugh, that’s typical of everyone wanting to be a psychiatrist. They were wrong of course, I just liked making people laugh, it had nothing to do with my sexuality, small stature or the fact that I was the smelly kid in class, anyway my speech impediment went away when I laughed, it was the only way I could talk to anyone.
Now I am in my 2nd year of college most of those problems have gone, I am happily gay but single and closeted, I am 6ft, my body odour is gone but my speech impediment still gives me trouble, only when I am embarrassed though. Life is moving up.
I wasn’t sure what to expect when I started going to college. I was hoping it would be similar to Secondary school, I knew my friends, I knew who to avoid. Sure it changed a lot near the end, people change, what should I expect? To be friends with someone forever just because we shared the same bully? No, people change.
But college, it’s a newish game. Everything is still there but it’s distant, separate. Students only mix outside of their friend groups when it is time for classes. It can be a lonely place, I see plenty of people shuffling through the grounds on their own, heads down not really taking notice of the people around them. I do have friends, not many, maybe five. Two of them share classes with me so I see them regularly, the rest are more drinking buddies I see them most nights and get drunk with them. It’s the typical British social life, lonely outside the pint glass.
As I make my way through college grounds I am buffeted by a torrent of abuse from some of the ever so feminine chavettes for my somewhat dishevelled appearance and bad taste in music. Not being in the mood for a beating I just ignore them and continue walking until I bump into some tall guy and fall on my arse. The guy looks at me nervously as I sit on my arse looking embarrassed and wondering how tall this guy was, he offers me his hand to help me up, the guy looks familiar to me but I can’t place where I have seen him before. He is a chav with dark brown hair and blue eyes, he is actually quite hot and I will certainly be fantasising about him tonight. After I get to my feet and dust my lap off I look at him for a moment, he looks nervous and I decide to walk on and ignore him
“Jim?” I turn around a little shocked, he stands their looking at me slightly confused
“What?” my voice is harsh, I make it obvious that I’m ready for violence
“don’t you remember me?”
“What? No, never seen you before” my voice falters in it’s tone and crashes awkwardly into a softer tone, an almost pleasant tone. To rid myself of the embarrassment I quickly turn tail and run, or rather walk a pace. I hear him shout behind me, he’s shouting his name Liam or something. I don’t care, I just need to get away from the idiot.

I see him again, a lot. As the days go by I see him quite often walking around in a gang of loud chavs looking disinterested but content, he would sometimes see me and greet me with a nod and I would act like a prick and scorn his sign of acknowledgement and respect by pulling a face that could peel the flesh from his face. I get more and more agitated by him, I think he is following me, in the real world that would be called paranoia but in a college where women are propositioned for sex by passers by as part of the daily routine and men are looking for their next “cave diving expedition” his actions remain within the realm of the norm. I don’t go to a nice college.

Days pass by and I push myself into my studies to try and not notice this guy who is following me with a gang of chavs. I don’t know his reason for following me but he could be planning violence or worse, gangs have murder as their entrance exam these days. My plan to avoid him goes pretty well for a few days but it appears some safe havens are not so safe, I see the guy again in the library as I go to study some books for my geography class, he seems different in the library, he is quietly reading a science book and writing things down in a notepad, he looks quite sweet. I immediately remember where I have seen him before and I nearly scream with excitement(I can be so gay). I am still not sure what to do about him, should I go over and say high and apologise for being such a dick? should I hide and hope he gives up on me in a few weeks and then hate myself for a few more? should I hate him for ending that great day without a reason?
To be honest I hadn’t thought of him much since that day, I went to my dads the week after we first met and no matter how much I like someone I forget them when visiting my dad and his new wife in America, I am lucky for having 2 amazing parents that love me and I am even luckier that my dad married a damned good stand-up comedienne.
I decide to take my chances with him, though I can’t remember his name I remember enough of that day to start a conversation. As I walk over too him I start day-dreaming about me and him kissing in one of the science rooms and suddenly I feel a familiar sensation in my trousers. I quickly run behind one of the bookshelves to calm myself down and curse my virginal reaction to a bloody imaginary kiss, I check to see if he noticed me and I’m relieved to see he is still noting things down in a notepad almost… completely oblivious to the world around him. After 5 minutes of pretending to read the titles on the spines of the books and trying to calm my sexual urges down I am prepared to walk over and calmly start a dialogue with him, this time I concentrate on my target to stop my mind from wondering, it works. When I reach him I notice some younger teens in the corner pointing and laughing at him, I don’t know why but I go straight in for the kill and start to converse… well try to.
I pull out the chair next to him as I ask “I thought you didn’t read books any more?” he looks up surprised and confused, when he realises who I am he replies “what?” I start to wonder if he can say anything else “in the book shop, you said you don’t read any more” I jerk my head towards the book he is reading, he seems confused and looks at his book, finally he seems to understand what I am saying “well this isn’t exactly reading, it’s called studying”
“yeah sure. so why did you send me home from the book store?” I go straight for the throat
“because…” he seems embarrassed and goes quiet
“are you always this bloody cold?” I get annoyed with him… again
“are you always this rude?” he gets agitated and starts talking louder
“pretty much” I laugh under my breath “so do you have a reason?”
“well? What is it?”
“nothing to do with you” he calls me rude!
“fine, see ya ‘round.” I walk away but seconds later return as he watches me “Oh yeah by the way… What’s your name again?” I get embarrassed and start to blush
“it’s Logan” I can feel my voice giving away as he answers
“oh… okay than…ks see you… around” I get up and walk around the shelves for a bit pretending to read the spines of the books whilst I calm down again, when I have calmed down I notice the 2 kids laughing at Logan again. Curiosity gets the better of me and I slowly make my way towards them, he still hasn’t noticed them.
When I reach them I notice they are new to the school because they don’t exactly fit into any of the groups yet, but they look like they are moving towards the stoners so I find it easy to talk to them. I slip into a cushioned chair next to them, I lean towards them and ask “what’s so funny?” one of them looks at me with a huge obnoxious grin on his face “that chav you was talking to. We heard he was gay”
“where did you hear that?” I ask, getting a little excited
“some guys in his class were joking about him in the cafeteria, it was funny as fuck man” I have to stop myself from over-reacting and punching this twat to the floor
“right, and what’s so funny about that?” I am getting really angry now, barely able to hide it
“dude! He is a gay chav! I think some of the guys in his year are planning to beat him up” that’s it, I have heard too much, I have to deal with these fuckers right now, even if they are technically innocent. I stand up and turn to the idiots with a huge grin on my face “come on, lets go attack him now. Let’s show the chavs we ain’t afraid of them” the one who was talking to me stays sitting but the one who was quiet stood up and shouted out loud “yeah lets go get the puff” everyone heard this and turned to see what was happening and even Logan turned around, I now have an audience and I am going to regret this but it has to be done. I punch the kid who is standing up square in the face, he falls to the ground and a second later the other kid is standing up and pulls a pen-knife out of his pocket, I start screaming in my head and start praying the security gets here soon, I knew I shouldn’t have done this. “What the fuck are you? A chav?” I try to confuse him and stop him from stabbing me, it works for a second which was long enough for his buddy to get up. I now face 2 thugs who are no better than chavs, I am scared shitless and a little embarrassed to be fighting in front of Logan. I try to take advantage of their uncertainty of what to do and whisper to the one with the knife “what are you doing you idiot? If they see you with a knife you will be thrown out of college and probably be going to jail, and if you stab me you ain’t gettin’ out for a good few years” I am glad adrenaline cures my speech impediment and I am glad I am so good with words, the kid with the knife starts to put the less-than-impressive-but-still-worrying blade away but the kid I punched lunges at me swinging for my face. I take a few blows to the jaw and ear but mostly his fists miss me completely, I’m kind of embarrassed for him. I punch him again and he falls to the floor with one blow at which point security comes crashing through the libraries double doors, everyone is watching us and it is pretty obvious who is the aggressor since the kid with the knife is now kneeling down trying to hold his friend to the floor and whispering in his ear. I am quickly tackled to the ground by some fat guy and hit my head, you would think we were in an American sitcom with the melodramatic way this scene is playing out, I’m not going to make it any worse by screaming at the top of my voice about my innocence, I did start it of course.
I am quickly pulled to my feet by 2 burly men while another 2 hold the kids. The security men are in no hurry to take us anywhere, I am in such a hold I have no chance of getting free and the kids are pretending to be innocent, which again… I suppose they are. When the security guards eventually come to a decision some five minutes after they stopped the fight, the library is almost full of watchful eyes who whisper hastily as I am being forced out of the library, I decide to pull one last crippling punch so I say to one of the security men pushing me “by the way the kid in the grey jacket has a knife in his pocket, he was going to stab me” he reacts the way I expected he would, he shouts to the other 2 security guys to search him. While I am walking past Logan I see the way he is looking at me, I just cockily grin at him and say loudly “see ya ‘round” a few second later I hear loud clambering behind me and look to see what’s making the noise, I am shocked to see Logan gathering together his work, stuffing it in his bag and knocking chairs over in his haste, it is at this point I realise the geek culture in college is still alive, it is quiet and a bit of a chameleon… and I think I fancy it.

I am held at the local police station for several hours, apparently fighting is not tolerated in college, but I already knew that having been in so many fights. I am charged with some stupid offences and put in a cell for 3 hours until someone comes to collect me, I had to phone my mum before they would consider letting me go, apparently I am a danger to society. They never said that before. 3 hours slowly trickle by, I sit with my back to the wall of the cell as far from the door as possible, occasionally I am joined by a drunk or thief but mostly such visits are uneventful and go by in silence. Unfortunately 1 of the drunks I shared a cell with had plans to make me her little prison bitch, when she started to claw at my crotch and beg me to “let her see it” I started screaming at the top of my voice protesting this intrusion of my personal space, she is eventually removed, in fact she only stayed for 5 minutes… and the cops were slow to answer my screams.
Around 2 and a half hours after I am put in the cell a short hairy man in uniform opens the door and tells me someone has come to collect me, I am naturally hesitant since my mum said it would be 3 hours before she could pick me up but I take my leave of the room gladly. When I reach the front desk I am surprised to be greeted by the sight of Logan, he is waiting silently on one of the cushioned chairs looking at the floor being really quiet and probably contemplating the mysteries of carpet weaving. The short cop coughs in his throat to get Logan’s attention, his first attempt fails so I decide to help by shouting in a deep manly voice LOGAN. It certainly catches his attention, he looks up surprised and confused(as usual), when he sees it is me he stands up from the low chair, which as I and many other 6ft+ people can attest to is never a graceful scene. The short cop speaks directly to Logan and says in a casual tone “okay here he is Liam, take him home and tell your mum to keep him out of trouble” Logan acknowledges what he says and answers with a polite nod and smile, I am deeply disturbed by what the cop just said, apparently he is under the impression we were related… closely. Which would make the way I think about Logan incestuous and illegal… I decide not to jump on Logan and kiss him.
As Logan and I exit the police station I shout back into the short cop “oh by the way I want that woman charged with sexual assault!” I don’t really want her to be charged and I knew the cop wouldn’t bother with the paper work, I just figured that if I am going to be walking with Logan the 2 and a half miles back to my house I better create the chance for conversation. It works.
“What was that about?” Logan says as he looks back in to the police station
“oh a woman tried to rape me in the cell” I say in the most nonchalant way possible
“well it isn’t that hard to understand Logan, she wanted my body” I start to smile to myself, not because of what happened but because of the way I was relaying it to Logan “women are like that Logan, all about the sex” I giggle to myself and start to walk faster. Logan matches my pace and mumbles something to himself, I don’t quite hear what he says but I like to think he said something along the lines of “well I like men so I wouldn’t know”.
We walk at pace in silence for around 5 minutes, I go over the events of today in my head, making sure to get the detail right and changing other parts in preparation for telling the story to my mum. Logan tries to talk to me a few times but he fails miserably, he doesn’t seem very confident and I am too busy thinking to talk properly so we are very quiet. As I skim over the final moments of my visit to the police station I hit something that I completely missed the first time around.
“hey I thought your name is Logan” I say it a bit to loud and far harsher than I meant
“back in the police station, the cop called you Liam” I speak softer but still with a slightly malevolent tone… I am creepy
“well that’s the name my mother gave me, I prefer to go by Logan” he says in a factual teacher-esque style
“why?” I go back to speaking normally with a slight quizzical undertone
“well my father wanted to call me Logan. My mother has always been a controlling person, she refused to name me that. He left her before my 2nd birthday, I wish he had taken me with him but she wouldn’t let him” his voice gets quieter and he is clearly saddened, I decide to change the subject, if only to stop myself from giving him a massive hug and patting him on the back of the head, that would be a bad move. When I think enough time has passed to start a new subject I motor on with “so why did you come and ge… oh shit my mum was coming to get me! Have you got a phone?” I almost scream at the top of my voice, I was in enough trouble I didn’t want to risk more punishment for not being in jail when she came to collect me. Logan fumbles in his pocket for a few seconds and pulls out an old nokia from the turn of the century, he is clearly uncomfortable with it and almost drops it as he passes it to me. Even in my haste I am stunned by the appearance of the mobile “what you couldn’t find a phone from this side of Jesus’ birth?” but before he can answer I snort at him and soldier on to use it.
5 minutes later I am talking to my mum on the phone, she isn’t too happy about my early release but she is in a good mood so my punishment isn’t too harsh.
“right, I want you home now. I will come to pick you up, where are you?” I hesitate for a moment, I don’t want her to be suspicious
“I am walking home, you don’t need to come get me”
“no, I am coming to get you” damn it
“no mum you will have to wake up the twins and everything, I will be home in half an hour okay” I can hear her thinking, eventually she gives in “okay, but any later and I will come and find you, the twins can sleep in the trunk” I honestly don’t know if she is joking or not, but I am just grateful I have dodged a bullet and got more time to spend with Logan
“okay, half an hour, see ya soon”
“hang on! Whose phone are you ringing me on?” damn it! There is no escaping her! She watches to much Frost.
“oh just some random passer by, I should really hang up, he is waiting” Logan looks at me with arched eyebrows as to say “what? You’re ashamed to be with me?” but I just wave my hand in his face.
“okay well give him a pound to pay for the call, bye” she hangs up without waiting for me to say bye. I pass the phone back to Logan and reach into my pocket for a small fat copper coin and give it to him “that’s to pay for the call” he looks at it in his hand for a moment, eventually he shrugs and puts it in his jacket pocket. We spend the next 15 minutes talking about all sorts of things, but eventually the topic turns to the events of today.
“so why did you get in the fight?”
“oh well… because… umm… they were laughing at you” my voice gives in
“what? So what? That’s no reason to fight”
“well they said… that… you are gay and… some… people you know want to beat you up” I get my voice back because I sense this could get heated “really? Like who?”
“I don’t know… they never mentioned anyone? I hit them before names were mentioned”
“oh so it wasn’t them? You attacked 2 innocent kids?” he gets angry
“yeah I suppose… but I did it for you” I realise what I say and almost fall over
“what? Don’t be stupid, beating them up isn’t going to do anything. You got yourself into serious trouble for nothing” he quietens down when he realises what I said “what did you just say?” he stops in his tracks and looks gob smacked at me
“oh umm… nothing… uhh”
“what did you say?” he grabs my arm and starts pushing me into a wall
“I umm… did it for you” I bang into the wall with a little force, my back starts to hurt
“why would you do that for me?” he leans in closer to me and I realise what is happening… a familiar sensation grows in my pants
“why?” his lips are hovering millimetres from mine
“because…” I look into his eyes and see the beautiful blue depth and dive into them, I push my lips into his and kiss him with such passion that an alarm goes off in the near distance, but I am too lost in Logan to be bothered about someone’s house being broken in to. He kisses me back grabbing me tightly and holding me close. It feels like 10 hours pass before I come back to my senses, still we are kissing he has his eyes closed and I am dying just to match his passion, as we kiss in the shadows of a run down house I explode… oh shit.

In His Eyes - Chapter 4 (British Flag Edit)


Coventry, United Kingdom

  • Artist

Artist's Description

This is my rewritten chapter of this Some people were complaining that the characterization of the British college social system was too structured and too “American”.

I did notice that problem and so re-wrote the beginning. Tell me what you think.
Also if you haven’t read my chapters yet you can read it from the beginning here

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