Whiskey, Tequila and Romance

The morning sun streamed in through the yellow curtains, warm, cheerful and bright. I winced at the sight of it, its blazing beauty made me want to crawl in a hole and disappear. I moaned and stuck my head back under the pillow. The room was still spinning, like a crazy kaleidoscope of light and dark, of pain and suffering, every time I opened my eyes. I felt like roadkill, and wished I could forget the name of the truck that had run over me. I couldn’t remember a time when I had felt worse.
The gentle tapping on the door sounded as loud as a thousand jackhammers all revving up to drill at the same time. My roommate Abby poked her head into the room.
“How’s it going in here? Geez, you must have really tied one on last night,” she said softly. “Where did ya’ll go?”
“Ohhhh….we went to the Pine Shed and I got hammered,” I said, my voice muffled by the pillow I was using to block out the light.
“Yeah, I guess so,” Abby said, looking around the room. “I think that’s putting it mildly. What are you wearing? Did you sleep in your clothes or something?”
“No, I threw them over there,” I said, not moving.
“It smells really bad in here, Anna,” she said.
I pulled a corner of the pillow up and stared at her.
“Well, gee, I’m sorry to offend your sensibilities, Abby, but I threw up all over my clothes and I didn’t want to sleep in them, okay?”
“Just making conversation, sweetie….these are going to the laundry. Be back in a minute. Can I bring you anything?”
“No…. but see if you can find my self respect in the kitchen, okay?”
She laughed softly and went out. I was grateful for the peace and quiet. I knew I was lucky to have her in my corner…only a true friend takes your puke-stained clothes to the laundry for you when you’re so hung over you can’t see straight.
Why does it have to be so goddam sunny today?! I thought miserably.
Suddenly, from somewhere under the bed, the phone began to ring. It felt like a nail going through my head. “Ahhhh!” I screamed, which only made my head pound harder.
“I’ll get it!” Abby was back, frantically trying to find the phone under the pile of clothes and bedcovers in the floor. “Here it is,” she said as she answered it, mercifully stopping its shrill ring. She took the phone out into the hall in an effort to keep the noise down.
“That was Nicky over at the Pine Shed,” she said, coming back into the room. “You left your purse and keys there last night, and he wants you to come and get them. They’ll take care of them until you get there. How’d you get in the house last night?” she asked.
“You left the door unlocked again, shithead!”
“Ooops, sorry,” she said.
“Hell, it’s okay, Abby, after the night I had, getting burglarized would have seemed like a lark. At least I didn’t have to wake you up to get in. You could have seen me in all my glory, though,” I said.
“So sorry I missed that…”
Suddenly I focused on the phone call. My purse and keys! How could I be so stupid? I thought.
“Oh, Abby, I can’t go back there. I can never show my face in the Pine Shed again,” I wailed, pulling the covers back over my head.
“Jesus, what did you do last night, Anna?” Abby asked.
“How much time have you got? It’s a long story.”
“I’ve got all day,” Abby said.
“Well, remember I told you that Walter had to rehearse last night, and since I was on my own I was going out with Jan and Portia?”
“Yeah, I had to work or I’d have gone with you to keep you out of trouble!” Abby said.
“Well, I got into trouble, all right. Let me tell you something, Abby, tequila, whiskey and romance do not mix!”
“Since when do you shoot tequila?” she asked.
“Oh, I learned how last night!” I said rather proudly. “Portia taught me!”
“Yeah, I’ll be sure to thank her for that the next time I see her,” Abby said, reaching over and picking a piece of deflated peanut husk off of my wrist watch. “I don’t even want to know what this is stuck on here with.”
“Do you want to hear this or not?” I asked.
“Okay, go ahead,” Abby said. “I’ll be quiet.”

Abby sat on the edge of the bed, listening patiently while I poured out the whole sordid story of the previous night’s activities. I told her how Walter had showed up an hour after we got there, how he had lied to me about having a rehearsal, and how I’d had enough tequila by then to get royally pissed off at him. We had a few words (well, okay, I told him to go fuck himself) and then he went over to another table and started whoring around with some blond chick right in front of me. That’s when I started drinking the whiskey. So I grabbed the first cowboy that walked by and headed out to the dance floor. We started dirty dancing right there in front of Walter. When that elicited no response from him, I picked up another one. By this time Jan and Portia had seen enough and left.
What kind of friends just go off and leave you when you’re at your most vulnerable? Now I was stuck there, and either Walter or one of these other guys would have to take me home, and judging from the look on Walter’s face, it wasn’t going to be him.
About then the combination of the tequila and the whiskey began to kick in, and everything started going wonky on me. Walter was dancing with his bleached bimbo, kissing all over her and putting his hands on her ass and completely ignoring me…so I ran off and shut myself up in one of the stalls in the ladies bathroom. Of course, once I got in there, I thought I was going to get sick and I spent about a half hour sitting on the bathroom floor, waiting for the payback. Man, Abby, I wish I had gotten sick, because it probably would have gone better for me if I’d gotten some of that booze out of my system. And, of course, by then, some women in the ladies room began to get worried because I wouldn’t come out of the stall, and they told Nicky, the bartender, who sent a waitress in to get me out of the bathroom. I had started to get upset about Walter and his blond whore, so I was crying in the bathroom, and I told the waitress I would come out when I was damn good and ready. She came back in a few minutes and told me if I didn’t leave the bathroom, Nicky was going to call the cops and I would be arrested on a drunk and disorderly. The thought of spending a night downtown in the women’s drunk tank did not appeal to me, so I screamed at that poor waitress and went back out into the bar. I didn’t feel well at all, and by that time, Walter was gone too. Probably went home with that slutty blond. Sonovabitch. I hope he get’s the crabs…anyway, by now I knew I had to leave because they wanted to call the cops on me, so when my dirty cowboys asked me if I needed a ride, I left with them… that’s how I got home, and that’s why I swear to you I’m never going into the Pine Shed again. And I’m never speaking to Walter again, either, I don’t care what he says or does, I don’t have to put up with his cheating on me anymore.
So, that’s it….

Abby was quiet while I told my tale, but her eyes grew wide with alarm when I told her how I got home.
“Jesus, Anna! You left with those guys? Do you have any idea what they could have done to you? They could have raped and killed you and left you in a vacant lot somewhere! I can’t believe you did that!” Abby was beside herself.
“Yeah, well…I think any ideas they had about a gang bang went right out the window when I threw up on one of them in the backseat.”
Abby stared at me. Then she burst out laughing. I laughed, too, in spite of my humiliation and my splitting headache.
“Oh, man, when is the room gonna stop spinning, Abby?”
“You’ll feel this one for days, sweetie…want me to go with you to the Pine Shed to get your purse?”
“Yeah……wish you’d been with me last night, Ab. You always keep me on the straight and narrow. It may be a while before I can stand up, though.”
Suddenly the phone rang again.
“Auuugghhhh…. Unplug that damn thing, will you??!”
“I’ll get you some water while I answer it, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” I said, pulling the covers up over my eyes once again. Another wave of dizziness passed over me, and suddenly, I just wanted to sleep.
“Anna, you better take this call.” Abby was back. “It’s your mother.”
“I can’t talk to her right now.”
“Take it. I think you’ll be interested in what she has to say."
“Oh, alright….hi Mom, what’s up? Yeah, I know I sound bad, I’m a little under the weather this morning.”
Abby snickered and walked to the window.
“Yeah, what about Walter? No, we’re sort of on the outs right now. What? Last night? He called last night looking for me?”
I looked over at Abby, and saw her shoulders shaking as if she were trying to control a hiccup. What was her problem, anyway? I thought.
“What did he want? Oh….really…oh, yeah, yeah, he found me…oh, okay, yeah, I’ll be okay, yeah, bye Mom…yeah! Bye!”
I dropped the phone onto the floor. Abby came over and picked it up and replaced it in the cradle. Her face was red from holding back her laughter.
“What did your mom say about Walter, huh?”
“Um, she wanted to know if Walter found me last night. She said that he called the house looking for me.”
“Well? What did he want?”
“Ummm….he wanted to tell me his rehearsal was cancelled and he could go out after all.”
“Whoops!” Abby said, barely suppressing a laugh.
“If you already know all this, why are you making me repeat it, Abby?" I said irritably. "She told him I was at the Pine Shed and he should go and meet up with me there…I guess he wasn’t out screwing around on me after all. I guess I just jumped to the wrong conclusion. Well…I guess I screwed that relationship up, huh? Oh, man, it was all that whiskey and tequila!”
“And romance, don’t forget romance. They don’t mix, remember?” By now she was on the floor convulsed with laughter.
“Shit, Abby, what are you laughing at? What kind of friend are you, anyway?”
“The kind that helps you see the bright side of things even when you make a complete and total fool out of yourself! Don’t worry,” Abby said, chuckling, “I’ll never go off and leave you at a bar while you’re drunk and ruining your life! Come on, let’s get you up and later we’ll go get your stuff. Or would you rather stay here and shoot some more tequila instead?”

Whiskey, Tequila and Romance


Joined March 2008

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Artist's Description

I know it’s long but give it a go….
I hope no one out there in Bubbleland can identify with this….
but i’m sure many can :D

Artwork Comments

  • lianne
  • greeneyedlady
  • lianne
  • Niki Rossi
  • greeneyedlady
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