Must have been me.

Can you hear me?
Or has my voice become a whisper?
I know that you’re not blind.

You can see my heart aching in this agonizing surrender.

What would you call this?

Is it depression?

Or maybe…It’s my own selfishness.

Of course, my love.

You’re right.

It’s me.

Who else could it possibly be?

It is I who breaks my very own heart.

It is I who walks into the darkness, leading you there, my love.

And it is I, who causes my own pain.

No one else.

I corrupt you, my love. My darling, my heart. My life.

But how, my dear? How?

And more curiously, I ask, why?

Why do I cause myself such nightmares by creating this pain?

My own, and yours, my love.

No, darling, it’s not your fault, for you have none.

Though my gaze is filled with loathing and gloom.

You, my love. My dear, my heart. My life.

You are still my completion.

You are perfection.

End me, my sweet.

Put an end to our suffering.

You know what I wish for.

My beloved.

I want you.

Can you hear me?

I know that now I am not whispering.

I am screaming.

My love, stay with me.

My darling, do not go.

I beg of you, my light, do not leave me in this darkness.

Take with you to the light.

Where you are.

Tell me that you love me!

Tell me that you hear me again!

Hold me!

Give me the precious gift of your warmth.

Let it devour me.

Let me be consumed by your presence.

Just let me, my love.

Answer me!

I can take this silence no longer.

This separation was not your fault, my beloved.

But by wanting you I fill myself with hatred and anger.

By lusting for you I only hurt myself.

Destroy myself.

But still, I love you.

Again, I ask, can you hear me?
Again I hear only silence.

I know I can end our distance sooner.

My love. My dear. My heart. My life.

But it would only be a glimpse of you.

And the darkness says that that glimpse would be worth an eternity of hell.

You, my light, my shining sun.

I know you would disagree.

Though I realize no tears fall in heaven.

Do not fret, my darling, I shall wait to see you.

I will wait for your light to envelope me.

And though the darkness will tempt me.

It will lie, and tell me that you and I will never meet again.

I will not be broken, my dear.

I know you wait with your arms open.

You wait to embrace me and hold me to your heart eternally.

And we will shed tears of joy in heaven.

Our tears will fall onto the golden road as you hold my hand.

And lead me into the light.

Where our forever awaits.

Where our caresses and kisses will never greet finality.

And my whispers of I love you will be everlasting.

Can you hear me?
Yes, I know you can.

Must have been me.


Joined April 2008

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