This one is for Hugh Fathers. Hugh, we’ve given considerable thought to your recent travel nightmare and have designed a machine which may be of interest to you and any other Aussies caught in the same predicament. We considered a basic time machine but the problem there is that while you could move back or forward in time you would still be in the same spot. You could travel to Australia, come home and return to your original departure time. While you would lose no time with your Thailand family, you would still have to travel to and from Australia. So your problem isn’t time so much as spot. Or space. So we designed the MSTC (Manipulation of the Time and Space Continuum) machine which allows you to not only manipulate time but also space. It’s a sort of “Beam me anywhere, everywhere, anytime but up, Scotty” machine. It will send you to Australia, where you can serve your required time and then back to Thailand where you can return to your original starting time. Probably though, before making that last time switch, you should call Australia and be sure all papers are filed properly. We don’t know for sure whether those papers will make the time switch, too. In which case, they won’t exist. Minor detail that can probably be ironed out should it arise.
Notice that the machine can be powered either by steam or electricity, whichever is more available at the time. We found that in the future the former was far more accessible and reliable than the latter. Here, at least. Which is why you don’t see any trees in the picture.
There are a few other minor inconveniences. Unlike a Tardis, the machine does not accompany you. So, you don’t have to explain what it is every time you arrive at your destination. That’s good. What’s maybe not so good is that you don’t have any protection when you arrive. Which means you have to use the magnifier and preview functions very carefully so you don’t end up inside a tree or something worse. You carry a sort of GPS tracker with you which the machine uses to locate you for the return trip. We made the tracker waterproof but unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be detergent proof so we would not recommend washing it in your shorts. Also you have to be careful not to lose it. Not a big problem though, since the machine can find it. You can always call us and we can contact the machine and the relay the coordinates back to you.
Which brings up another probably more significant problem. It took us about five and a half years to design and build this thing. That’s okay because we simply transported back to the current time. No harm, no foul. No time lost. Pretty cool, actually. However, when we came back in time we found that the machine didn’t come with us. This is when we noticed the first disadvantage of not designing it like a Tardis. Consequently it sits in an outlying pasture of a friend’s cattle ranch five and a half years in the future. Which means that, given our current technology, you’ll have to wait five and half years to use it.
We have our GPS tracker so we can continue to go into the future to work on it. We tried hanging a tracker on the outside of the machine hoping it would beam itself but that didn’t work. So we still have to figure out how to move the machine not only back in time but also over there to Thailand. Until then, if you notice any cattle wondering around mooing American instead of Thai or Australian, you’ll know somebody left the door open.
Carol & Mike Werner