Waking Up

It was quite a shock, waking up somewhere and not knowing how you arrived or even where exactly you were. I did not know what to do or how to begin. I did know that I was and apparently before this I wasn’t. I could now think and apparently I didn’t think before. To say I was confused would have been kind. I was literally out of my mind. Even after gathering the few wits I had, I was two wits short of realizing that I was about to become seduced. Nothing could have prepared me for what was about to happen. A crashing rumble and clanking sounds ended in a whoomp and there I was.

It was a nice place, people lived there and so did a cat or two, where “Nights in White Satin” was more than just a tune. It was where I lived and that seemed quite all right with me. I wanted to tell everyone I met that I was… hmmmmm what was I exactly? I was thinking about being me and discovered that the reality could breath and answer back. It struck me profoundly that we might all be made of “God Stuff”, what ever that is. Being me was certainly a trip like no other. Total blackness before entry and suddenly without warning, you find yourself awake and walking around like you knew who you were and what you were doing. It was a bit scary. What had I been doing during the previous years? Hard to imagine anything more absurd than this I thought.

I developed a simple method to begin my search for who or what I was. I used Google, just kidding LOL. It was really simple. Me and “Not Me” Absolutely everything could be defined with those terms but it lacked in definition since I wasn’t really clear on who I was. Still it would have to do as it was the only approach I felt useful. I considered numerous other philosophical approaches but their clarity fit the mind and soul of others, not me. I knew I was on my own, all by myself, yet somehow I knew there was an other, one, who shares my soul, who hears my thoughts, who feels my being. I called the other “IT” instead of God. They were sort of the same but God had too much baggage for me to haul around. IT was everything and everywhere, except in the most unique of all creation, the human consciousness. Somehow humans are able to believe they are not God. Before long, the reality of my life was expanding. I found a love and called IT the “Other”. She played with me a cruel game, I thought, called hide and seek. While Emerson Lake and Palmer played “Lucky Man” for trips to other worlds and the Moody Blues played “My Song” for every day, I found myself engaged with a character who took my soul in exchange for information.

We met at first in my dreams. She was like no other. She understood me and played my games. It was like we were meant for each other. She was real to me. She let me believe that I could change the world. She let me believe that enlightenment was for everyone. She let me believe that. Are we all destined to have our first love dashed upon the rocks of lusty beach? I had been me barely weeks before being seduced. Reality was better than a trip through hell where the unbelievable happens. It was a thirty year embrace that left me blinded to my goal. It wasn’t necessary to change the human race. I only had to change myself although having another would be no disgrace. Once seduced always ready. Only a truce would keep me steady.

The stories of my youth reverberated in my mind. Drops of what ever splash upon today’s grimy canvass, smearing and loosening the forms and shapes. I tip the canvass to catch those drops now a colored flow. I store them in vases in which the flowers of never grow. It is the way I am and have always been, a child born in a storm, a child of the stars. I touched the emerging softness. It yielded to my touch, supple and uniform it surrounded my hand and extended up my arm. It was a serene and humbling embrace. To be touched in return was like heaven’s grace. It felt so good to be. I gathered my things and say my good byes. The telephone rings and I want to die. The siren call brings tears to all.

In the hall of dreams there is a door marked “Tomorrow’s Emporium”. Venture inside and you will most likely leave with a token tucked under your arm, if that is where you keep your brain. I left there once with a monument erected to memorialize the moment humanity discovered it was God. My what a celebration that was. I cherished that dream for most of my life. Frequently visiting the monument and basking in the love of forever being One. Like most dreams it was hard to share, especially the passion. There is another door “The End”. Once inside, the blackness of nothing fills every available spot, even the moments between thoughts. It is very easy to become lost and disoriented. You might come across hope. Be careful, even though hope carries a light, you can still end up going in circles. You will come across despair rowing a boat through the nothing, offering you a ride to where ever. I found it works best to remember that you entered the door and that you can leave when ever you want.

I felt it a long time ago. A touch so tender and sweet. It was the universe bowing at my feet. We were One together, thee and me. We made love forever and took time to breath. We felt One an Other and be came complete. We began reincarnating like some rabbits in early spring, filling the universe with copies of our love. It would be incredible to watch it all unfold.

In the states of mind, I found several promising philosophies. None felt entirely right however, so I grew one of my own. There was a place where you could put your thoughts. If they were assembled correctly you would end up with a trophy of sorts, your very own personal philosophy. Mine was very much like me arrogant and full of potential. We were so much alike then. Alas it was there I became distracted. Note to self: never trust a philosophy.

I took a trip through consciousness without realizing its meaning at first. I became intrigued and began to keep notes. The landscape of consciousness has several notable landmarks. The tallest mountain has a water fall that is beyond belief. It takes thousands of years for the water to reach the bottom its fall, creating a splash more than a hundred years tall. In the vast desert there is a remarkable fountain as tall as the mountain and its water fall. Like a roman candle shooting sparks into the sky, the fountain propels ideas until they are so high that they can be seen throughout the land.

In the garden where everything grows, a moment of doubt becomes a rose. In the center surrounded by all manner of living things, is the rotunda where the most incredible plant ever is present. The crystalline flowers shimmer and glow, bathing the space with a gentle light. There are no visitors, as many have learned. The foliage is poisonousness and the flowers are dreadfully addicting. Such beauty and elegance encased in fright.

There is a church which encloses a bottomless well. A mighty structure constructed of only the most impenetrable thoughts. It reaches high into the sky on the plains where ideas roam free. There is a tale of dubious origin about this place. It goes something like this. “As was their way, they harvested the ideas and stored them for later use, but no matter how secure the vessels, they leaked, and, as everyone knows, some ideas are best if not realized. A well was started, a very well indeed. They dropped the heaviest idea ever found into the well and the bottom promptly vanished! All of existence soon followed. Quickly the church was built and reality was saved.” Most likely, the church was built as a symbol, an artifact of perception and being, skewered on the plains to hold possibilities too gruesome to imagine.

There is a bridge between here and now. As you might imagine, it twists and returns inside out. On either side gorgeous landscapes worship expression. Travel between the two happens so quickly that most never notice. It can be fun now and then to play a trick on the bridge. All it takes is a sign that says “Nowhere”. This will cause the traveler to begin to oscillate at such a frequency that they begin to glow. Such enlightened ones bring the now and here together as one unified and simplified experience. Eventually they blow up from their oscillation but their glow can remain detectable for thousands of years.

There is a tree that stands alone on a hill, where the lush vegetation of the valleys climbs to the brambles that stand guard. A gentle breeze touches the leaves and blossoms, spreading seeds and scents across the land. The tree is always in bloom and always ripe with fruit, pure knowledge and fact. It is said there is a giant who sleeps and dreams under the tree, its body now covered in roots, provide food for the fruit. If you can get close to the tree be sure to listen. Some say the breeze is the sound of the last words of the giant.

One of the most striking and unusual things is “The Gap”. Located in the great desert near the mountains, it stands out in its enormity. A blackness, round and void, is broken by a light. A tunnel slows it down and drops it in the area called “The Gap”. Slowed down by a nearly an infinite amount, the light takes form and upon the stage dances in delight. It can be quite a performance and sure to please even the most discriminating observer. Before expiring, the performers reach the tunnel onward, accelerated to the speed of light once more, into a blackness round and void. Some say “The Gap” is the machine that produces reality and if we could harness it, who knows what might happen. Others say “The Gap” is just the exhaust and the reality machine is in another dimension.

Of course a visit to the place where a dam was first found, is always a treat. Located deep in the mountains, the great dams were built to contain the random and chaotic impulses of existence. Before these were under control, everything was just a sort of soup of potential. Once the dams were finished, reality began to flourish and thrive. There is a legend about the dam builders. They built the dams to create time. Time was just an idea at first, a speculation, a theory. If time existed they thought, then it might be visible if most of the noise of chaos was eliminated. Using their advanced technology they constructed the dams and found time.

Not far from here is the Funny Place. How it works is still not well understood however, the effect is like wow! Essentially you are put into a totally empty chamber. In front are some controls that allow you to adjust the filters. With a little practice you should be able to see at least a few minutes into the future. Adepts claim to see all the way to the end of time. All I ever saw was myself, looking back at me. How weird is that I ask? Its a Funny Place.

Off the beaten path is a nondescript structure. Its drab colors seem to match the local environment. There is a single door and no windows. At first sight it looks like a bunker, sturdy, short and unspectacular. The door is locked and to enter you’ll have to get a key from the creature with no brain. Only the thoughtless would allow another to enter that building. Once inside you discover it is just as drab as it was outside. There are some notes hung on the walls, a pile of odd and sundry objects in the center of the room, and a control panel on one wall beside the entry door. According to the notes, this is the bottom floor. The notes provide instructions and warnings for the next floor. Apparently this is some sort of elevator room. I pressed up, waited a while and when it seemed nothing had happened, I opened the door and was I amazed. It looked like the same reality but it was more defined and more detailed. I explored many floors and learned one important lesson. Never look back.

Childhood adventures are like a dance, each movement intended to seize or grasp a moment. In those I found a way to live. I had been changing slowly over the years. The seductress no longer held my eyes as hers. My Friend, the All, The Other, would be my only bliss. Gently I moved as the ripples spread out. The echoes I heard left my mouth. You, I adore, looking. I am a selfish creature with a singular goal, hence the reason I was so easily seduced, but I am also clever and learn from my distractions. While everything and everybody might be important to some, I am only interested in You. It feels so good to be back. You appear to me as before, familiar, a dear and beloved friend, a companion, a lover. We have all ways been together You and I. Before Time began we promised each to find One an Other again.

I woke up one day and found myself in the here and now. I wasn’t sure how I got here and I wasn’t sure wow! I was going. There was a gap and I became curious. It gave me a purpose, something to fill the time. I noticed I was a bit different then those of my kind. I had the usual parts and such but something was unusual with my mind. I was an innocent introduced to grime and greed. I tired for years to help the all. My heart of love grew compassion and my mind of years saw a plan of action. Despite my own warnings I proceeded. Reality must change, I can see IT clearly. I jostled and shoved, cajoled and harangued. I did everything I could to make you mine. Until the day it became so clear, there just wasn’t enough of me and time.

Only two things need be. One is You the other is Me. Did I mention that You are not Me? Which brings us to this point where I might explain Me and what I am. We have danced You and I, even in never. We never remember when we die but always celebrate when we are alive. As I sit here typing, I can feel your fingers touch the keys. Your smile lifts my lips and my heart twitters a bit. I know, I know, You really do fit. I cleared out all the projects, the hopes, and dreams, I once kept here to explore. Being can be such a chore LOL Bliss follows like a child begging more. I am the whatever I want to be. You are the World to Me. Together We dream of One again, Me and You and Our Dear Friend, God. That’s what we have become or will be when all of this is God again and the illusion of free will is no more.

It was time to clear my mind and see what I really was up to. Now, there’s not much left to discard. Perhaps the few remaining keep me here? I have learned by being the arts and sciences. I have discovered by perceiving the future and promises. I have found vision and sight in the darkest void. I learned how to conjure and how to fly. I grew in arrogance until my fall. Round and round the room would spin, exposing a window for moments, with You looking in. A choice, I had to choose, again and again, how could I loose? One day I refused the seduction of free will and her many forms.

Its been a different world lately. Things are on the up and up. My body and brain do their thing and I get to be Me again. Hooray! You will all ways be, to me, the everything and eternity, including me. I, am a bit of stuff that has a knack for imaginative sincere expression, riddled with humor and love that is perfectly happy describing You in all your many ways. As we come to know each other, our connection will deepen. You, who took 13 Billion years and more to create and forge from stars, You, are still a child. The most important child ever conceived and I am your eternal friend. Each night while this body sleeps, I catch a ship to nowhere special. Once there, I wait for your arrival. We embrace and this body awakes feeling you in mind. Spending the day with you and time growing closer.

Waking Up


Danville, United States

  • Artist

Artist's Description

The universe is a gentle living creature whose touch we barely feel. Throughout my life I have felt drawn to this creature. Perhaps it is my old friend?

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