Illusions of Silence

Illusions of Silence

I may seem fine to you
as thats the way I wish it to be
I put on my smile
and walk out my door
careful how far I stretch
Not showing you anymore
then I care for you to see.
I hide the bruises under long sleeves
and pants instead of skirts
For those are how he shows me he cares.
He raises his hands to me
and talks all night long
making sure I learn
and telling me its for my own good.
So I walk to school
head low against the wind
hair hanging over my eyes
breath coming out in visible wisps of steam
from my mouth
as a word unseen
“help me”

I keep my head low
and rarely talk
as hes told me what you really want
you want to take him from me
so I’ll never see him again
cause you’re jealous of the attention he shows me
and not you
so I know
I know to just say what you want to hear
and what you need to know
and nothing else
A single tear runs down my cheek
as it silently looks for someone to listen to it
“help me”

but lately
he rarly talks with his hands anymore
he says thats no longer needed
so now
after mommy goes to bed
he comes and crawls in beside me
and tells me
he loves me.
My eyes stare at you as you ask me over and over again whats wrong with me
they ask you to just listen to them
“help me”

Last night daddy came home from a business trip
and he brought me a special present
one that had to wait
for after mommy went to bed
he said we’re going to play dress up
and we’’ll have lots to do
cause he has friends too.
Mommy looks at me with those gazed over eyes
blinking and blinking
drool running down her chin
apparently mommy drank to much again.
i love you mommy
go to bed
I’ll see you in the morning
I whisper in her ear
“help me”

I look back and feel for that girl daddy
i really do
no older then 9 when you started your act
laying down with me
and taking me by force
taken so much and for so long
that i was finally no longer able to be taken anymore
by anyone
i cry for her every night i lay down
born from a monster
and a drunk whore for a mother
she closed her eyes to what you did
as long as you fed her the pills and booze
she didn’t care what you did
but i showed her
i sure did
right before you came home
on your darling baby girls sweet 16th birthday party
i showed both of you
well here i sit
awaiting my parole
the people inside tell me that this year looks good
as the shrink says i have hope in my heart now
for a chance at a new started life.
i’ve stopped talking to you aloud
as if you could here me
i stopped writing you letters
as i thought you might come to see me
those were but cries of help
for i know its not possible
when you no longer have a head
to speak of.
wait…
make that two.
i had to send this to you
though daddy
happy deathday to you
today your darling baby girl turns 22

Illusions of Silence

FatKid6D

Joined August 2008

  • Artist
    Notes

Artist's Description

i saw a picture of a young girl holding a teddy bear, and sitting in the light cast on her from an open door

she was crying and had bruises all over her legs.

i sat and wondered about her and wanted to know who she might grow up to become. and as i sat there and looked at the photo, this is what i saw.

this was written more as a letter to her father from her the day she paroled from prison for killing both her mother and him 6 years earlier

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