a strange life: roller skates, a rugby team and a worm-infested dog impression.

It seems that it isn’t just me that has many an interesting thing happen to them, my lovely friend endures such incidents. For the new year she decided she wanted to get fit, gyms are dull, running can be long and arduous, so she thought she would do something fun: roller-blading. Roller blading looks smooth, quite feminine and involves wheels. That is where I would put a stop to it… Yep right there. I learned very early on that when you are escorted across the road by an eighty year old with a limp because he fears for you, you know your skating style is probably a little naff. Also when you go over a wall and land in someone’s rose bush- that is a good sign you don’t have talent- listen to your intuition. Finally when the only way you can stop is to hit a lamp-post it is time to say no and move on. So I learned my lesson early and have since stopped balancing on a line of wheels, in public, at speed. To me it the same as tight-rope walking in a gale- who in their right mind would do that?

Anyway the tangent bi-sected me. So my lovely friend, in hope of achieving fitness, ventured down her road to a local park on the ‘said’ skates. Fair enough. Her best friend followed her, he can already skate. Please note this.

Anyway at the park a rugby team are in full scrum, roaring, grappling and being too close to each other’s behinds for my liking. Now as a girl, it is common to be aware of a bunch of jostling, sweaty men on a field, each man handling an odd shaped sack, which ironically they call a ball. My friend was aware of such mass interaction and thought she would glide past like a princess, purposefully ignoring the testosterone fest. This is where it usually goes wrong and it did. She glided, tripped and landed on her behind in the middle of the road. It was a park- there is no traffic right? No. Of course there was traffic: one solitary car and a narrow road. Luckily the car had seen the full arm waving, skidding foot decent to the ground. The car stopped and patiently waited for her to get up. The rugby team stopped scrumming and noticed a girl flat on her back in the middle of the road with a car waiting. Her friend laughed. Did anyone help her? No. Why is it at any such point people stand and stare and laugh? Well her best friend found the situation side-splittingly funny and held onto a lamp-post because he was laughing so hard. In the mean time she tried to co-ordinate her feet or should I say wheels. But under pressure nothing was going to work. Every time she tried she fell. She flayed about in the road legs everywhere, everyone laughing. The driver turned off his engine and still didn’t help, instead he just waited. The rugby team made comments, the friend laughed, but finally she gathered herself. There was one thing for it: enact the motion of a dog with worms- that would save the day. It did, the poor girl dragged herself across the ground looking like a worm-infested hound on wheels. And as if by magic the moment was over. Grass was there, no more slipperly surface and a post available to lever herself up. Not one gentleman or saviour amongst the onlookers. Instead a number of lessons learned: take off the boots if in trouble.
Don’t rely on laughing friends.
If all else fails adopt the worm-infested hound position and drag yourself to safety. This may be worth knowing for many other life situations.

Moral of the story: if we were meant to have wheels we would have evolved with them.
2nd Moral of the story, dogs probably learned the worming maneouver from girls in difficult situations on roller blades and thought that was a great idea in dog language. I figure that because it happened in a park and dogs get to walk, mark territory and leave messages.

3rd Moral of the story: If a girl is floundering about on the road in front of a car- maybe we could possible put the odd shaped ball down and help her?

I hope it makes you smile.

a strange life: roller skates, a rugby team and a worm-infested dog impression.

Michelle Dry

Bournemouth, United Kingdom

  • Artist

Artist's Description

a humorous incident that happened to a pal, this kind of thing happens to me too.

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