THE VULGARIANS songs 3, 4 & 5 Horse to Water

(Curtain opens to an empty stage as the crowd keeps cheering. Enter STEVE and GWEN)

Song 3:
Behind the Green Door pt. 1 (instrumental)

Steven, find her. You’ll have a riot soon

Hold your horses Gwen; I’ll go check her dressing room

(STEVE breaks down the green door of a room marked “DESI DESIREE” and find it emptied out with only a note on a table.)

Song 4:
Letter from Desiree

Dear Steven I fear our time together is through
I searched my heart and soul and mind
And don’t know what to do.
The magic cloud has lifted, with the mist gone I see
That a married man’s mistress is no life for me

Our love was a goal lying out of our reach
Lost for all time like an earring at the beach
I searched the shore for the life we once planned
And all I turned over is more and more sand
I’ve met another and given them my heart
Yes it’s true, so now I find I can no longer share it with you

My heart belongs to someone new.

Desiree, Desiree why’d you have to go
You never told me anything was wrong
How was I supposed to know?

(Enter GWEN)

Where the hell is she?
She’s holding up my show!

She’s gone
Oh no!

Song 5:
Horse to Water

Listen Steven I know that I’m only your wife
I put up with the mistresses all our married life
Don’t let her get to you
Don’t let her bring you down
Don’t dip in those polluted springs
Or you will surely drown

I realize that Desi was a tasty little dish
Look around you Steven; the sea is full of fish
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make her drink
You can lead a whore to culture but you can’t make her think!

Keep your head clear
Don’t veer you’re gonna lose your grip
Don’t let her rip you apart
She can’t break your heart
Unless you plant the seeds
From which the flowers of maudlin self pity
Grow and feed

Go away, I’m not comfortable discussing this with you
Go have a drink with your motley little crew
If you want a divorce I’ll see you in court

(STEVE pulls out a cell phone)

Who are you calling?

I’m filing a missing person’s report

(Into phone)

Hello police? Damn it they put me on hold

Listen, Steven I know Desi had a nice rack
I know better than you that it’s something that I lack
If a big titted mistress can make you feel less blue
It’ll mean nothing to me if she means nothing to you

A man can’t serve two masters
Now’s the time to pick
Start protecting your wallet
Stop thinking with your dick

Steven my dear we need you here so steer this ship
Don’t let the melancholy start put your horse before your cart
And lead!
Your employees have themselves and their families they all need to feed

(Into phone)

Hello police Steve Boatswain here I own the Tawdry bar
My best dancer is missing, my headliner, my star

Listen to me Steven; this was supposed to be my special day

Can’t you see I’m busy; just go away!

Listen to me Steven, Steve won’t you listen to me please

(Into phone)

Brown hair, green eyes, five foot two or three


By the way, happy birthday Gwen

Yeah, happy birthday to me

THE VULGARIANS songs 3, 4 & 5 Horse to Water


Joined December 2009

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Artist's Description

Songs from my Full Legnth Rock Opera THE VULGARIANS

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