Love (an opinion)

Defining love I think we can all agree is an impossible notion. Love in itself is by far, in my own opinion, the most irrational feeling we will ever face. We long for it, we cry, we shout, we get angry, we get sad and in the end we can ruin what is meant to be. The interesting thing about love is that it is a utopian and what surrounds this bliss is a dystopia so potent and deadly that the strongest fall short.

My first experiences with love would be family love; comfort, security, pride all contribute to this feeling. Within sibling rivalrys there is always a understanding a genetic knowing if you please. When I was a child I loved my mother but was scared and hated my Dad. This was understandable as they went through a messy divorce when I was young. my brothers were always competition and got the better of the intelligent gene pool. However I stood and made myself counted and when I caught up with them I realised I had become bitter towards those who were my family. How dare they make me jump through hoops? This is how I felt so when I ran away from home, stealing forty pounds in the process, I do not think anyone was too surprised. The inevitable return I was confronted by this new found (teenage) hate and it took along time to recover any kind of relationship. I love them all of late and infact only recently told my Dad in a drunkern stupor (while singing till 4 am) that he was the kindest man that had graced my life and his mother would be proud of him.

The other kind of love has darkened my life of late. I have fallen in love with three women in my life and of which only one is significant enough to tell. For two and a half years I spent and dedicated my life to whom I feel is one of the most wonderful girls I have ever met. Her life was hell, diseased with anorexia and riddled with paranoia and hate. We helped each other and fell instantly in love. I think everyone remembers that first kiss, that overwhelming sense of just and happiness. Of course this could never last, you need compromise and want for a relationship to last, even if it is bursting with love. We did this for a while but inevitably we were exhausted and it ended. In my life I have experienced some horrific things, but I will never forget ending this relationship. She messed up and gave me no real choice but I can still see her sitting in the car, looking at me, crying and begging me: “Please Ed, I know, I know, but Ed I need you, your my one, my only, I need you, don’t go.” I could not leave her, not at that point so had to endure days of her crying on the phone begging. It killed me, it hurt me. One day I will look back at this and remember the fondness, but for now I am tormented by that look in the car, that last moment, that feeling of wanting to help someone that you have helped for so long. Instead you have to turn your back on them, you have to let them help themself. This hurts, this tortures but if finding love is difficult then the letting go of it is much harder. Love is an irrational emotion; surrounded by a potent and deadly dystopia

Love (an opinion)

Ed Butler

Winchester, United Kingdom

  • Artist



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